Anyone who is appointed to this important task needs to be at least a legal adult. However, just being of legal age isn't the only decision maker - the person or people you assign to these important tasks should be responsible, reliable and trustworthy. Sometimes there are no members of one's family that would have these traits.
If you don't feel anyone in the family can uphold these values and do the right things, then you should look elsewhere. Sometimes people have no family to rely on, so they can appoint an attorney.
For those who don't understand, POAs are mainly decision makers, not care-givers, although they often take on both roles. POAs are for managing financial and medical care, when the appointer is no longer capable of performing these tasks. So it can be a friend, a relative or a totally unrelated person. It's a matter of trust and reliability, knowing this person or these people will honor YOUR wishes in financial and medical decisions/actions.
If you have multiple children, for example, it doesn't have to be the eldest. If the youngest or one in the middle is more reliable, go with the one you feel most comfortable with appointing.
My OB was not local at the time POAs were set up, so only YB and I were appointed. At one point I foolishly thought it would have been better had OB been appointed, but have since realized I was so wrong! YB wasn't of any use really. Although I tried initially to include them both in decision making for our mother, it quickly became apparent that I was on my own. Just as well. I took the role seriously and did my best to manage everything for her.
Before I get to appointing my own POAs, I plan to consult with my two kids. I believe either/both have those qualities one wants in a POA, but I want to be sure they are okay accepting these appointments. If yes, then I'd want to know if they prefer being "co" POAs, or primary and backup, and which role they'd prefer. These are very important roles to appoint and should be done carefully!
I know the attorney we dealt with for real estate closings as well as for my mother giving me POA dealt with many elderly people who had no family or reliable ones. He became their POA. He was reasonable with his costs and a truly honorable soul. This might prove a solution for you.
Some really good answers. When I was in doubt about my being a caregiver, 24/7, I consulted an Elder Care Attorney. Best one hour investmnet I ever made.
My 44 yo daughter is ours, with her 39 yo sister as 'co'. Even though we have a sone who is 42 and an attorney, I would NEVER consider him to be a part of the disposition of our desires. He's a little bulldog, and not close to us. He'd blow into town and drive the girls crazy and blow back out and not have an idea what we 'want'.
My girls will handle things beautifully and I am not one bit worried about naming them as POA's. We've discussed this with them and they are fine.
We're fortunate that all 5 of our kids are more than capable--and the 4 girls are emotionally in tune enough to do the job right.
I am so glad you have this positive aspect in your lives given how difficult your mother and MIL are. You raised them and they are decent human beings. You have managed to achieve that despite the maternal instinct or lack of growing up. That is an accomplishment you should be proud of.
I've named my POAs with the ability to act jointly and severally knowing that my older sister will be the one on point as long as she is capable. If you truly have no one and choose to go with a professional fiduciary I think it would be prudent to make certain all your financial and medical wishes are documented and included.
I would say that once "of age" whatever that is in your state, it is crucial that they agree to act as POA and that they understand the duties, the need to keep meticulous records, and the work involved. It can be onerous in the first year or so of getting mail and billings and all such ironed out, and banking. Once it flows smooth it does, but it quite honestly takes an ability to research what is needed. Find all the information you can about the task and be sure someone agrees to it and understands the legalities of it. It no one is mature enough nor skilled enough consider a Licensed Fiduciary who will be paid. I am assuming you mean complete financial POA. For Medical POA a much easier task especially if you draw up and make our a COMPLETE Advanced Directive and discuss your wishes with you potential POA for Health care.
I am 54. Currently my brother, 2 years younger is my POA with his wife. Health and financial.
At some point in the future I will update my documents and assign my middle child to be POA. But I would not place that responsibility on a 24 year old right now.
I have spoken to my son about this and he understands my reasoning.
A possessor or a POA must be an adult legally - 18-21 years old at least (check your state for age of adulthood or ability to sign contracts). If you do not have anybody designated as holder of POAs, then the next of kin are notified for any problems. That can mean spouse primarily, then children and parents... If you do not have family member that you trust, think about friends that may accept this responsibility. Remember that POAs give carte blanche to the person who holds them. Better not to give anybody that access unless you have no reservations.
If your children are not mature enough to hold a POA (mine aren't ready either) consider how you can streamline the decision processes. Set up your finances for automatic bill payments and online access. You can put the information about finances in a sealed document and let your children know where to find it if needed. Make a folder of your health information: medical and surgical history, allergies, medications and their schedule, doctors information and what each treats, and health insurance information. Visit a lawyer and have your will and advanced directive (states what you want done if you can not speak for yourself) written. make sure each doctor has a copy of your advanced directive.
This is very good advice. I will say, after the effort it took to compile all of this information for our parents, I have made a word document of all of this information for my spouse and I. Not because my POA lacks maturity, but because it is a lot of work to figure it all out for someone else. I think that this advice would be helpful for all.
POAs should be at least 18. If you feel your adult children aren't mature enough, do you have other family members - nieces, nephews. You can actually appoint any adult to be your POA, but they need to be trustworthy and honest.
My parents POA allow me to handle their financial affairs as well as make medical decisions for them. When my father had to go to SNF, dad, mom and I made the decision. Dad has since died but I wouldn't make any major financial or medical decisions without talking to mom as long as she is able to comprehend what is being done.
I don't intend to need his services for quite a while, but our 25-year-old son is our POA. Emotionally, he's 45 years old, but most of all he's been very, very attentive and aware of what I've been going through with my mom as her POA and Trustee. I'd never even consider either of our other kids, and not because they couldn't necessarily handle it, but because they lack the empathy their brother possesses.
Regardless of who you choose, be sure they're fully on board with the job. It shouldn't be a surprise to find out you're in charge of someone else's finances and/or health decisions.
If you need to, consider hiring a fiduciary to have your POA or consult a trust and estate attorney about the best way to handle it.
They have to be legal age (18 or older). If you feel none of your adult children are adult enough to handle the responsibility then pick someone else. Do you have any trustworthy siblings who would be willing to do this service for you? Explain this to your adult children. That you are concerned about their immaturity to handle the task and you'll be asking another family member to do it. My guess is that they'll grow up fast at the prospect of someone besides them being in charge of your money and assets.
I think if our adult children are as informed as we can help them be, that's better than nothing. There needs to be a deep discussion, maybe even with the elder attorney present, so they can understand what a critical responsibility it is and can ask questions. You may also want to provide names of people who would make wise advisors for them (other than paying an attorney or consulting a physician). And there's forums like this one to get a spectrum of opinions.
You don't mention your age or if you currently are having a health concern, but if you're in your 40s or 50s maybe consider having a trusted friend be PoA for now and then revisit the document every 5 years, or make your children the secondaries so that the primary can resign and have a back-up. It gets tricky and risky but that's what we have in place right now, even for executor.
At least 18 yrs old. Thats a shame your adult children aren't mature enough. I have two daughters, 35 and 43. The 35 will be our finance POA, with 43 yr old as secondary because 35 yr old very good money wise. The 43 year old is an RN so she will be our Medical POA with 35 yr old being secondary. Of course, my DH will be mine and me his with the girls behind us.
If regarding finances, maybe a legal attorney? But you may want someone different for medical POA?
I plan on completing a Living Will until I get the others sorted/renewed.
I remember feeling a bit, confronted I suppose, filling in a N.O.K form once, adding my eldest child's name where my parent's used to be 🙂😕
If you don't feel anyone in the family can uphold these values and do the right things, then you should look elsewhere. Sometimes people have no family to rely on, so they can appoint an attorney.
For those who don't understand, POAs are mainly decision makers, not care-givers, although they often take on both roles. POAs are for managing financial and medical care, when the appointer is no longer capable of performing these tasks. So it can be a friend, a relative or a totally unrelated person. It's a matter of trust and reliability, knowing this person or these people will honor YOUR wishes in financial and medical decisions/actions.
If you have multiple children, for example, it doesn't have to be the eldest. If the youngest or one in the middle is more reliable, go with the one you feel most comfortable with appointing.
My OB was not local at the time POAs were set up, so only YB and I were appointed. At one point I foolishly thought it would have been better had OB been appointed, but have since realized I was so wrong! YB wasn't of any use really. Although I tried initially to include them both in decision making for our mother, it quickly became apparent that I was on my own. Just as well. I took the role seriously and did my best to manage everything for her.
Before I get to appointing my own POAs, I plan to consult with my two kids. I believe either/both have those qualities one wants in a POA, but I want to be sure they are okay accepting these appointments. If yes, then I'd want to know if they prefer being "co" POAs, or primary and backup, and which role they'd prefer. These are very important roles to appoint and should be done carefully!
If you don't think they're mature enough, ask a sibling
My girls will handle things beautifully and I am not one bit worried about naming them as POA's. We've discussed this with them and they are fine.
We're fortunate that all 5 of our kids are more than capable--and the 4 girls are emotionally in tune enough to do the job right.
At some point in the future I will update my documents and assign my middle child to be POA. But I would not place that responsibility on a 24 year old right now.
I have spoken to my son about this and he understands my reasoning.
If your children are not mature enough to hold a POA (mine aren't ready either) consider how you can streamline the decision processes. Set up your finances for automatic bill payments and online access. You can put the information about finances in a sealed document and let your children know where to find it if needed. Make a folder of your health information: medical and surgical history, allergies, medications and their schedule, doctors information and what each treats, and health insurance information. Visit a lawyer and have your will and advanced directive (states what you want done if you can not speak for yourself) written. make sure each doctor has a copy of your advanced directive.
My parents POA allow me to handle their financial affairs as well as make medical decisions for them. When my father had to go to SNF, dad, mom and I made the decision. Dad has since died but I wouldn't make any major financial or medical decisions without talking to mom as long as she is able to comprehend what is being done.
Regardless of who you choose, be sure they're fully on board with the job. It shouldn't be a surprise to find out you're in charge of someone else's finances and/or health decisions.
If you need to, consider hiring a fiduciary to have your POA or consult a trust and estate attorney about the best way to handle it.
Do you have any trustworthy siblings who would be willing to do this service for you?
Explain this to your adult children. That you are concerned about their immaturity to handle the task and you'll be asking another family member to do it.
My guess is that they'll grow up fast at the prospect of someone besides them being in charge of your money and assets.
You don't mention your age or if you currently are having a health concern, but if you're in your 40s or 50s maybe consider having a trusted friend be PoA for now and then revisit the document every 5 years, or make your children the secondaries so that the primary can resign and have a back-up. It gets tricky and risky but that's what we have in place right now, even for executor.