I have been trying to pack but he starts going through boxes then I have to check what he has moved. I am getting upset and that's not fair to him or me. HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. So if I place him I can get stuff done and not be constantly yelling at him. So, it is taking a chance of his getting sick in respite care or difficulty trying to accomplish what needs to be done; any idea which would be better?

Place him, get the job done, and restart your new normal. You'll be able to focus better if you can do the job in front of you rather than be distracted by his behavior while you move. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to vegaslady

Normally this would be a no-brainer - yes, much better for him and all-round for him to be spared the moving process.

As things are... what are the infection rates like in your area? Nowhere is completely risk-free, but then again at home your husband will still be encountering people coming and going so he won't be risk-free at home either; and there are places where infection rates are so low they're almost negligible.

Alternatively, do you have a trusted family member who could come and keep him occupied while you continue the packing process? And once you've got a crate inventoried and packed, make sure it's good and sealed, too!

Then there are perhaps jobs you could give him: packing books, wrapping china, organising his tool chest? Try to keep him out of the room where the actual packing is going on.
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Reply to Countrymouse

If the facility is in good shape-No COVOD and your area is lower risk, I’d place him. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for you and all the difficult emotions with packing to move and dealing with him not understanding and the stress of the COVID situation. {{{{HUGS}}}} and prayers!
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Reply to DILKimba

I asked at respite they have no covid cases, He has been there before so he could recognize the surrounding. There is no visiting , when he stayed before our son would come to visit but he won't be able to this time.
I tried having him do things but he really doesn't UNDERSTAND. I think his ability Age is that of a 4 year old. He is easily distracted,
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Reply to janpatsy1
gdaughter May 16, 2020
It's only for 5 days. That will go way too quickly. In the same predicament I would want to use every second to be productive...but I would also want to lie down and take a nap and enjoy the peace and relief!
Do it
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Reply to HelloImMinsu

Much, much easier to have him NOT in the way, as it were as you pack.

My daughter is packing her family of 5 in VA to move to UT. She insisted she did not need my help, so I pulled back and won't go.

NOW she is freaking out b/c the 2 yo unpacks things as fast as she can pack them. She'd LOVE to have me there, keeping this little bug out of everything--but I can't go.

Sounds like DH is a lot like a 2 yo--place him for a few days, make the move and you will be so much more able to handle the change. No need for unnecessary confusion in times like these.
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Reply to Midkid58

Two years ago, we needed to move my mom and dad, but mom, with dementia, insisted she was never leaving her home. So Dad and I drove her to my brother's house for 3 days "for a visit" and dropped her off. The movers came and packed everything and moved it into the new house and I set up her room similar to how it had been before. Then we brought her home and she settled right in. It went much smoother than I could have expected. Very thankful to my brother for agreeing to keep her. Do you have any family your husband could stay with for a few days?
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Reply to HardSeason

Make a re-assessment of what needs to be done, and when.

Since hubs is so good at un-packing, move his recliner chair to the new home, with a few boxes first. Have him unpack.
Then go back and pack up your boxes.

Hire a caregiver to come in to pack, or take advantage of the service that moving companies provide..."We pack it all!"

Price of movers doing it all may be less than 'placing him'.

He may get more confused having 3 places-the old home, the respite home, the new home.

Consider stretching out the two home occupancies so they can overlap a few days. 1) You can move-in (come and go), and be able to not close up the old home for a few days. More time to do that stressful and strenuous work.

In the long run, if all the stuff gets moved, who cares which box it gets there in, if you are going to unpack it all anyway? Of course, you will pack up and seal (hide those) the boxes you will need to unpack first.

I have heard, if a person with dementia or alzheimers thinks they have a job, they will do it! So say, we are going to work today. Give him a simple job. Packing the towels and underwear?
Thank him, assist him to tape up the boxes he finished right away.
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Reply to Sendhelp

If you are moving and you are in charge, do not even attempt to explain anything as he won't get it and he will keep destroying all of your work. Aside from hitting him over the head to stop and that won't work either, I think a respite is a wonderful deed. Just don't tell him any details. Say you are visiting someone, etc. and get him there and then do what you need to do. If he is as bad as he appears to be, I pray you will not let him come into your new home. You will have hell to pay and will not have a life of your own. Place him from the respite so you find some peace and he is cared for. The old days are gone. Now the days should be for you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Riley2166

I will soon be going through the same thing you are. I have decided to move us into a senior living apartment, because trying to keep an older home is just too much, something always needs fixing or the yard needs mowing. I've looked into a two bedroom two bath, that way I have my own space and bath. I also plan on sending him to respite (through hospice), but if I need him to stay past the 5 days, I will pay out of pocket. As you have found out, it's hard getting anything done with them home and constantly needing something done for them. I wish you luck with your move and may you have time to rest and get yourself centered.
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Reply to chill47

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