My 79 year old dad has been showing signs of dementia for a little more than a year. My mom passed away a couple of months ago and it seems it has gotten much worse.
We are dealing with a few different issues but not sure where to look or how to go about it.
1) Because my mom's social security is not coming in anymore, he will be losing his house. He probably has around 6 more months. We have tried to talk to him about selling it. He won't budge. He said he is never selling it. He is going to lose it to foreclosure and then there will be nothing for him. Living with family is not really an option.
2) He insists on driving. He should not. He recently was yelled at by a woman saying he almost hit her cart that had her baby in it. I learned tonight that he hit his mailbox. He did not pull out to the road and instead, he cut his wheel prematurely and backed up onto his grass, and hit the mailbox with the passenger side backend.
3) He does not want to go to the doctor.
4) He has been mistaking my sister (who lives with him) as my mom. Several times he called her "June" and "dear" or would mention me as their child. Earlier today he was doing something with the tv remote control and 10 minutes later, still doing it. My sister asked him what he was doing and he said he was trying to call me. She told him that he was holding the remote control. He laughed and then reached for the clock that was on his table. He laughed again and said "no, that's a clock".
5) He knows and admits his mind is not the best but he doesn't think he is "that" bad. He is argumentive and not nice at times.
We just don't know what to do. He has Medicare now but we are trying to get him on Medicaid. I don't know if this is what we should be doing though.
Can anyone please offer me some advice or ideas?
Thank you
Grief stands out to me.
Often a couple is doing OK, but the sudden passing of one is a catastrophic change. Such a huge loss causing much stress.
Stress on the older brain may be like anaesthesia, cause delirium. This is only my non-medical opinion! But friends & workmates have had this happen many times. Their folks functioned OK as a couple (covered for each other etc) but grief uncovered a gaping hole & the one left was unable to go on alone. (Had more cognitive decline than they knew).
Also/or there can also be real medical issues going on. Eg UTI, lowered kidney function, COPD & reduced O2, heart etc etc. So many things can cause confusion.
I would keep up pestering he see his Doctor. Tell him not because he is broken, but because YOU are concerned.
Then the very first time he falls, is dehydrated or confused - call his Doctor. Or use EMS. Then he gets a full medical check up. Then you can make realistic plans for the future.
Does someone have POA? Hopefully he has all his paperwork in order. Will, living will, POA, etc.
Sounds like it's time for him to move into a facility. I'd ask around about your local nursing homes that take medicaid. Living with family is often way too difficult for everyone.
Are you and your sister on the same page as to how your dad is doing? If you agree that his driving is bad, it's time to pull the plug on driving. I'm a wimp and probably would take the passive route of hiding the keys or having it go to the shop and never come back or having someone disable it.
Can he understand that he's going to lose his house? Seems like it would be better to get it on the market, especially since some housing markets are having crazy high prices now.
Since your mom recently died, he is grieving and depression could explain why his symptoms seems worse. Has he been to the doctor recently? Is he on an anti-depressant?
Best of luck!