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Mom has been having visual hallucinations for over two months now and is afraid to sleep in her bedroom. Dad-in-law, 96, still driving. He has not taken her to doctor, she does not have a family doctor. I have offered numerous times to take her and I get ignored. They also refuse any help and will not let strangers in their home. Terribly worried about them. Help please

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I think the way I'd avoid stress is to make an appointment for your MIL at a geriatrician's Call FIL and tell him one day in advance when the appointment is. Show up, ready to take them. If they don't play ball, you've done your part and it falls on your husband.

You can call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for a "wellness check". They will come out and assess your MIL and FIL's ability to live independently.
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Thank you for your kind replies. Yes, father-in-law knows about her hallucinations. FIL still drives at age 96. I strongly feel he should not be behind the wheel. His brain is still sharp, but his reaction time is very poor and he has difficulty walking without use of a walker. He is afraid of any confrontations with his wife so chooses to basically ignore the situation. I, daughter in law, have offered numerous times to either take MIL to doctor myself, or to help FIL take her to doctor. No response from him. My daughter finally talked to him and he said he did want help to get her to doctor because he is afraid to do it himself, but he wants help from his son, my husband, to get her there. My husband works very long hours, but I know he would help if FIL asked him to. FIL still has not scheduled an appointment and has not called my husband to request help. My husband has ASPERGER's, and is not comfortable dealing with any of this and I'm sick and tired of trying to push him to take responsibility for his aging parents. All this is starting to affect our marriage. I'm at the point of throwing my hands in the air and saying the H*LL with all this. I've got the time, have made so many offers to help them, they are grateful for meals I've provided them and supplies I have delivered, etc., but still refuse my help of getting her to a doctor. I'm now at the point where I'm so upset over all this I no longer want to visit them or have anything to do with them. I can't handle to see MIL in this state of mind, and am very upset that FIL, or my husband, hasn't taken further action. They are his parents, not mine! I take care of my father! He is safely and happily in a quality assisted living home and is visited and called often. I haven't been to see MIL and FIL in two weeks now, have not called them, and my husband is back to ignoring everything. And I am feeling guilty and have a bunch of cold sores on my face from all this stress. My sister now tells me I should step back from this, get my own health in check, and let it all fall on my husband, their son, that it's his responsibility, not mine. I don't know if she's right in her thinking or not. Thank you for help and advice. Sorry I didn't reply to answers sooner, but depression is also pulling me down.
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UTI UTI UTI - We never would have guessed - My sister-in-law had no symptoms! Got her on antibiotics & that cleared it. Now on advice of her doctor, takes UT Defense daily. She also uses a UTI strip periodically to make sure she doesn't have another infection. The UT Defense seems to be keeping it at bay.
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BreezysBears, sometimes we need to use theraputic fibs to get our elders to see a doctor. You can try saying to Mom that herhealth insurance will stop unless she see's a doctor twice a year, tell her this is a new law [try to catch her when her mind is in the clearer]. We know that isn't true, but to an elder they might believe it.  Mom can have a urinary tract infection test done at an urgent care clinic and can have the results within minutes.

It worked on my Dad to get him to update his older than dirt Will, by telling him there are new laws and the government could get half of his estate. Next day I was on the phone making an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney.
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I don't blame you for being worried. Hallucinations are not a normal part of aging. Something is going on. Finding out what would be a good thing.

A urinary tract infection might be behind this -- and that would be pretty easy to clear up. Or some other infection. Or dehydration. Or dementia. Who knows? But won't it be good to know? Well, to you and to me, yes. But apparently not to your in-laws.

Does FIL understand that she has hallucinations, and that may indicate something fixable? What is his reason for ignoring this health concern about his wife?

If she were seeing kitty cats in the dining room and enjoying them, that might not be a problem (other than possibly indicating a health issue). But what she is seeing has her afraid to sleep in her bedroom. In my mind, that means she deserves some medical attention.

If you can make any progress with getting her to a doctor, I suggest a geriatrician.

Meanwhile, there is no point in trying to talk her out of her hallucinations or to argue that what she sees isn't really there. It is very real to her.

Is FIL still a safe driver? Good reflexes? Good memory? Or is this an issue you worry about, too?

What kind of help would you like to see them have, if they could be talked into it? Cleaning? Help with bathing? Cooking? Medication management?

Unfortunately, these are often "waiting for a crisis" situations. If one of them falls or has an accident that may change their willingness to have help.
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