It depends upon what level of dementia she is at. I found it best to deal with my Mom, at a moderate dementia level, as if she didn't have dementia. I tried to talk to her in single or double syllable words and short phrases so that it would be easier for her to hear and comprehend. No yelling or raising the voice, as it just puts people on edge and therefore, they can't concentrate on the message.
For me, I kept on assuring my Mom that the reason why she was going to MC was due to me....that I could not longer take care of her on a day-to-day basis. I did tell her that I was going to still visit her and take her out and we were going to restaurants. I think the biggest worry is that you are going to drop them there and not going to visit ever (remember "ever" is relative....one day to us can be 1 month to them).
My sister always could work with my Mom. My Mom got to choose the pictures she would take (and we added to it). She didn't have very many clothes so that was a no issue. My Mom wanted to know who was going to hang the pictures on the wall, where she was going to eat, what she was going to do. At the time, she could read short phrases, so I showed her the activities that were planned for the month.
When my Mom asked about her home, I told her that it would probably be rented out since we needed the cash. We did find a property manager and rent out her home. She still asks about that today, 1.5 years later.
She wanted to know who would take her to her doctor appointments, dentists, etc. I told her I would and if I couldn't, then my sister-in-law would.
Whatever she brought up, we answered honestly and truthfully, even though it was uncomfortable. I wanted to make sure that she got the same message from everyone. If someone didn't know the answer to her question, they would say "I'll research it" or "I'll talk to xxx about it", and then follow through.
We are never sure what my Mom will remember and what she will not. We also cannot predict how she will respond, so it is easiest to just tell the truth and tactfully deal with the consequences. (My Mom is a little bit of a drama queen and dementia has NOT limited that part of her personality yet.)
The nurse who came to assess her, came to her home to do the assessment. Thankfully, she was skillful. I told her to speak the truth and I will deal with the consequences afterwards.
We let her ask the questions and we would answer them. We did not put the topic forward as her brain could not switch easily from whatever she was thinking to what we wanted to discuss, even though the topics were related.
Basically, you want to show compassion and truth and the fact that you are reliable. All of these are part of trust. With dementia, along with anything that deals with handicaps, trust is extremely important to being able to face the next day or whatever situation that the person faces.
P.S. My Mom was present for most of the move. We didn't let her be around as we were moving her things out of the condo. However, she was present the entire time we were moving her in.
Take their familiar furniture, photos & clothes. Take whatever would make them comfortable. Follow recommendations from MC about visitation. Make each visit like normal. Talk about meaningful things that allow them to share, usually their younger days.
I had to move mom to an MC quite suddenly after a stroke.
This is a bit against the grain, but because mom had SO much energy, I went against the most helpful ‘ less is more’ in MC packing , and instead stuffed her room with too many pictures and even a couple of boxes of stuff. The whole situation was awful, but at least this gave her a task to do - going through things - and some sense of control at least, in an otherwise uncontrollable circumstance. I told her it would be easier for me to take stuff she wanted out than to be missing things and have me take them in . She actually got that. Anyhoo not a tactic for everybody, but it helped a little for super energizer mom.
When I visit I wear the same thing every time , with my hair down (( it’s loud ) and that won’t stop her from not recognizing me sometimes, but has slowed that process I think. At this point I think everybody in her MC recognizes me lol.
Mom’s since had another seizure which has tamped her energy down a LOT. Regardless of energy level I’ve found that photos and photo albums and being consistent with what I wear and when I call has been very helpful. ( When I visit though I always pop in by surprise! )
Best to you during this time…it’s really difficult. Blessings
Have their room set up ahead of time with their familiar things, and then say your taking them out to lunch(which will be at the new facility of course though they don't need to know that)and when you're done eating lunch with them instruct the nurse/CNA to take them to their new room so you can leave unnoticed. And then make sure you're staying away for the recommended 2 weeks giving your loved one time to adjust to their new surroundings and people. You can call the office and check on them every day if you want, but it's important that you stay away giving them time to adjust. Best wishes for a smooth transition.
We have done this twice, the first time we told her about the move 2 weeks in advance, she couldn't comprehend what was going on, she called us endlessly asking when she was going to move.
The second time I took my step-mother out for lunch and a little shopping. My brother handled the move with help.
I brought her back and we told her this was her new room, she didn't realize that it was a different home.
We sat her down explained the reason to her, she asked the same questions 20 times, we stayed with her helped her set up and left. We went back the next day, she was in the dining room eating lunch, like nothing happened.
For me, I kept on assuring my Mom that the reason why she was going to MC was due to me....that I could not longer take care of her on a day-to-day basis. I did tell her that I was going to still visit her and take her out and we were going to restaurants. I think the biggest worry is that you are going to drop them there and not going to visit ever (remember "ever" is relative....one day to us can be 1 month to them).
My sister always could work with my Mom. My Mom got to choose the pictures she would take (and we added to it). She didn't have very many clothes so that was a no issue. My Mom wanted to know who was going to hang the pictures on the wall, where she was going to eat, what she was going to do. At the time, she could read short phrases, so I showed her the activities that were planned for the month.
When my Mom asked about her home, I told her that it would probably be rented out since we needed the cash. We did find a property manager and rent out her home. She still asks about that today, 1.5 years later.
She wanted to know who would take her to her doctor appointments, dentists, etc. I told her I would and if I couldn't, then my sister-in-law would.
Whatever she brought up, we answered honestly and truthfully, even though it was uncomfortable. I wanted to make sure that she got the same message from everyone. If someone didn't know the answer to her question, they would say "I'll research it" or "I'll talk to xxx about it", and then follow through.
We are never sure what my Mom will remember and what she will not. We also cannot predict how she will respond, so it is easiest to just tell the truth and tactfully deal with the consequences. (My Mom is a little bit of a drama queen and dementia has NOT limited that part of her personality yet.)
The nurse who came to assess her, came to her home to do the assessment. Thankfully, she was skillful. I told her to speak the truth and I will deal with the consequences afterwards.
We let her ask the questions and we would answer them. We did not put the topic forward as her brain could not switch easily from whatever she was thinking to what we wanted to discuss, even though the topics were related.
Basically, you want to show compassion and truth and the fact that you are reliable. All of these are part of trust. With dementia, along with anything that deals with handicaps, trust is extremely important to being able to face the next day or whatever situation that the person faces.
P.S. My Mom was present for most of the move. We didn't let her be around as we were moving her things out of the condo. However, she was present the entire time we were moving her in.
This is a bit against the grain, but because mom had SO much energy, I went against the most helpful ‘ less is more’ in MC packing , and instead stuffed her room with too many pictures and even a couple of boxes of stuff. The whole situation was awful, but at least this gave her a task to do - going through things - and some sense of control at least, in an otherwise uncontrollable circumstance. I told her it would be easier for me to take stuff she wanted out than to be missing things and have me take them in . She actually got that. Anyhoo not a tactic for everybody, but it helped a little for super energizer mom.
When I visit I wear the same thing every time , with my hair down (( it’s loud ) and that won’t stop her from not recognizing me sometimes, but has slowed that process I think. At this point I think everybody in her MC recognizes me lol.
Mom’s since had another seizure which has tamped her energy down a LOT. Regardless of energy level I’ve found that photos and photo albums and being consistent with what I wear and when I call has been very helpful. ( When I visit though I always pop in by surprise! )
Best to you during this time…it’s really difficult. Blessings
And then make sure you're staying away for the recommended 2 weeks giving your loved one time to adjust to their new surroundings and people.
You can call the office and check on them every day if you want, but it's important that you stay away giving them time to adjust.
Best wishes for a smooth transition.
The second time I took my step-mother out for lunch and a little shopping. My brother handled the move with help.
I brought her back and we told her this was her new room, she didn't realize that it was a different home.
We sat her down explained the reason to her, she asked the same questions 20 times, we stayed with her helped her set up and left. We went back the next day, she was in the dining room eating lunch, like nothing happened.
She is doing just fine.