Should I be calling the nursing home every day to check up on my dad's status?

The nurses may be a little annoyed, they're busy and might think "how much has happened since yesterday?". BUT you have every right to call every morning. Residents with family members who are around tend to get better care (I know, not always the case). I am a nurse and feel it's my responsibility to take the 3 or 4 mins it takes to give a family member reassurance and an update. On the other side my mother and son we're both in a nursing home for 3 yrs (at different times). I was a very involved family member. I visited my son 5 times a week and my mother twice a week. They both got excellent care. My opinion- keep calling for your peace of mind until you feel comfortable not calling.

When my Father was very ill, I employed the assistance of an Ombudsman to help me find a good, compassionate nursing facility. Ombudsmen are volunteers who compassionately give their time and inspect nursing homes and report the findings and advise people like yourself. You should really look them up in your area.

The one who came to my aid took me on a tour of a few nursing homes and he told me that in many instances, these elderly patients under nursing home care, are twice as likely to be abused if they have few visitors. I think that mere phone calls would fall short under that advisory.
Some relative really should go to see how their "loved?" ones are doing "in person" on a very regular, "surprise visit" basis, (they should not know when you are coming) as the quality of available "paid" (operative word) care these days is not too encouraging. The quality of employees in any field is abysmal, in my opinion. So, what do YOU think your answer should be.

TO also be blunt, I agree with Old Bob, you are overburdening the already overworked staff by calling every day. every phone call that nurse answers is taking time away from the residents who need her care. IF every resident's family called every day she could not do her primary job which is caring for your loved one. They are required to call you if there is a problem.

No. You want to perform check calls twice weekly and let your heart and mind lead you to visit as often as you can. The staff will not view you as an enemy and will welcome your calls as a loving concerned son or daughter

When my Dad was in a dementia psych-unit to get his meds adjusted- I called every day to check in on him. I also checked in very regularly at the Memory care facility where both of them resided ( I was out of state). My folks are both gone now, and I still have a relationship with their previous caregivers and the management at their Memory Care. I believe that my folks got better care due to my involvement.

No, do not call every day. They have a job to do. Let them do it.

It could be all about timing. When you call and expect someone to talk with you on your schedule, that can be a problem because they need to be doing something else (delivering care, taking care of paperwork, staff meeting), particularly if you are calling fairly early in the morning when there's a shift change, breakfast, dressing, bathing, bedding changes, etc going on. Consider discussing the schedule during one of your visits with the nurses/CNAs and asking for them to give you a quick call during a time frame that works for them as you get accustomed to your dad being in someone else's care.

I could be wrong - but I say, call if that is what you need to do.

Maybe you're calling at shift change and that could explain why you don't get the responses you are hoping for. Ask if there is a better time to call. But for what a NH costs, check up daily if you need to. Eventually you will relax and not feel the need so much.

To me, your calls indicate that you care and sadly, so many place their LO's and then forget them. I think that would be a lot worse than calling daily.

And please, don't think you're overusing this site (or any other) as this is what AgingCare.com is here for.

If your loved one is that cognitively impaired where they cannot have a conversation on the phone, they certainly are not able to appreciate your calls. It seems like you are calling for your own emotional needs, and that the needs of your family member. As others have said, if something dire occurs, they will certainly call you.

Despite having empathy for your concerns, I believe you are burdening the staff with such calls. If there is something wrong with dad they will let you know.

My comment is blunt, I know. (Having spent 10 years as a twice-daily visitor to my massively handicapped wife and having hired ladies be with her at the supper hour every day, my experience is that the staff have more than enough to do with duties at hand than to be expected to handle such calls from the loved ones of residents.)

You may want to consider expressing your concerns to the NH social worker.

Grace + Peace,
Bob

I visit Mom daily from 10-2. If she’s been having an issue I always stop at the nurses station first on the way through to see what’s up. If things have been going well I just smile and wave on the way to her room. If for some reason I can’t go during an "issue" period I do call to check in. An aide, LPN or unit secretary is always happy to update me. But if she’s not having any issues, I don’t call. You will soon figure out if you can trust their judgement on issues....at first I obsessed and felt I needed to be in the loop on almost everything, but after I realized they were dealing with issues exactly the way I would have, I calmed down. Once you get a certain level of trust (or not) you will know how closely you need to be involved on a daily basis.
They all know me, and it’s helped a lot to be able to chat a little with the staff. I bring in a couple dozen donuts occasionally and if they’ve had to spend a lot of extra time with her like when she was quarantined, I bring Edible Arrangements chocolate strawberries etc. And I help them out with her as much as I can. You’ll see quickly how overworked and under appreciated the CNAs are.

Karsten, I found it useful to make contact with the NH social worker and ask the best way to contact mom's unit to find out how she was doing or to address issues that mom brought up.

I was of the best time to call, and to ask for my mother's nurse, and asking for a call back, rather than to speak to them then and there, unless it's an emergency.

Visiting in person is of course the best and doesn't have to be long. And yes, cookies and chocolate, always!

Karsten, I think most of us are in situations where we experience new issues as we make this challenging journey. So I compliment you on your diligence in caring for your father and ensuring he's getting the care you want.

Assuming that you feel more comfortable as time goes along, you might want to think about gradually decreasing your visits, or showing up randomly.

Adding to my previous post, there were times in various facilities (as well as in hospitals) that I felt I should have been notified about a negative change but wasn't. In that case I usually try for a short meeting with a nurse, or DON, explain my concerns and ask how we can communicate better in the future....i.e., what could I have done, taking the responsibility on myself rather than blame someone else (even if they should have been blamed!).\

An opposite situation occurred recently. A life threatening event occurred, test was ordered, internist (probably a hospitalist) called me and asked me to rescind the DNR order b/c of the dire situation. Given his explanation (malignant mass on the larynx), I did. Following up, I spoke with the doctor who ordered the test, and learned that the initial diagnosis was wrong.

thanks all. I guess there are two issues here. I suppose I do have the right to call the staff and inquire. On the other hand, for my own (selfish) benefit, I need to trust the home is taking care of him and if something is wrong they will call. When we visit (and we have visited daily so far for the most part) I can then catch up on issues. I am just new to this.

I think this is always a judgment call, varying depending on your father's strengths and weaknesses, as well as your availability to visit in person.

I try to visit more during the first days to make it known that I'm involved. Questions are raised when I'm there when nurses, aides or doctors are available, but I also call from home to get answers.

Generally the staff are more responsive, and in more detail than at hospitals, where I think there's an assumption that most families can be comfortable with generalized responses rather than specific answers to specific questions.

I.e., I want to know if the CHF or pneumonia or whatever is responding to antibiotics. In rehab, I want to know if therapy is strengthening or if the status quo prevails.

I don't want just a "he's doing better" response. This is partly why I spent time years ago learning the medical terms so I can approach staff on more of a detailed level.

At the current rehab facility, the therapy department head came out to speak with me when he saw me walking down the hallway. That's service! And it displays a higher level of care than I've seen at the last facility (which I would never use again).

What are your specific concerns? Are they something to the effect of whether he was agitated overnight, whether a new med was working, or are they general ones as to whether he's basically okay?

You can always ask if one of the staff will call you back, at HER convenience.

I won't deny that sometimes I feel as though I'm bothering the staff, so I always ask if they have time to respond to a few questions. Sometimes I've left lists of questions, asking that they respond when it's convenient for them.

And take the time to get to know them; bring donuts or bagels or something by which they'll remember you and like you. And thank them prolifically.

You chose the facility to provide care; you do have a right to ensure that that care meets standards.



ETA: I've just read FF's good advice. This illustrates an important issue - comfortability and confidence in the staff. As you get to know the staff, you may find that it's not necessary to check up so often. On the other hand, as I've found, sometimes it's necessary to really be diligent if the staff isn't.

Karsten, I can fully understand your worry about Dad. But it is time to cut the engine to the helicopter.

When I first placed my own Dad into senior living I also was worried. Then I realized if anything was out of the ordinary or if Dad fell, that the facility would call me. Dad was in good hands and Dad liked where he was living :)