Dad is 86 and lives with us. Just today he asked. My daughter and her friend who was opening his door and sticking their arm in then closing it. Also he constantly can not find things says I know I had such and such but it's gone. I tell him no body is taking his things and he's like well then where is it? But today questioning my daughter and her friend I know embarrassed her. He has not been diagnosed with dementia or the like. It's getting harder to deal with this. It's becoming a regular thing. He couldn't find his razors and said my husband or son must of taken them. Well guess what they were in the cabinet all a long
But he just says oh someone must have just put them back. My kids are 15 and 17 and have always had friends over but now I fear they won't cuz of dad's behavior. As we see it he can't afford to
Move to a AL place so this is it. How do any of you deal with this issue?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/How-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm
Misplacing items and then accusing someone of stealing them is common. Often the person actually hides items so that no one will steal them, forgets that, and insists there was theft. Seeing the arm in a doorway might have come out of nowhere or perhaps a shadow inspired it.
The most recommended reaction to these things is to be comforting and don't argue. "Dad, I'm so sorry your nice blue pen is missing. I know you like that best. Let me help you look for it. If it doesn't show up in a few days we can buy a new one." "I'm sorry you were annoyed by something in your doorway. The girls wouldn't be bothering you, but perhaps as they walked by it looked like they were." Basically don't get into an argument about what is real.
This could be a "teachable" situation in your family. You can learn about dementia and help your children understand what is going on. They are old enough to grasp this and react with compassion.
If this is dementia, it will get worse. Often it is necessary to place someone with dementia is a care center of some kind. Start investigating Medicaid and see what he qualifies for.
But the first step should probably a medical evaluation.
here is a site I just found online but did not open,,,Hope you find time to do so....
Symptoms - DEMENTIA...
Warning Signs; Symptoms; Stages of Alzheimer's disease ... Dementia is marked by a gradual impoverishment of thought and other mental ... A person may become suspicious, irritable, depressed, apathetic, anxious, or agitated, ... Show poor judgement and make poor decisions; Blame others for 'stealing' lost items; Lose .....
What to do ???... With my such patients in the past, Humor was often the best Remedy... if you can politely, not sarcastically, make the situation funny, while being thoughtfully respectful and never make them feel as if they are useless or trouble to you, these episodes will be less stressful to all concerned.... Since it is family... the temptation is to get irritated or worried... yet if you think of them as strangers/patients in the hospital you are caring for, you automatically change your own demeanor towards them... I had to do that with my parents... It takes a counscious effort to use that strategy, and a deep breath before you start to talk,,,, helps !!!
Also definitely, At the age of your children, this is an important learning opportunity.... Contact the Alzheimers Association in your County to get you some reading material for teenagers to help teach them respectful, helpful behavior toward such patients...and
call a close Hospital and find out if they have a student volunteer program, where they can sign up as student volunteers, which should include the hospital's instructions on how to treat patients...
Some Nursing Homes also do have volunteer programs.
My son did such a stint in Highschool in a Hospital. His duties consisted of transporting patient via wheelchairs from their hospital room to other areas of the hopital. This was the most eye-opening experience for him, for which I was very grateful, since it helped him understand my husband's deteriorating condition as he was dying of cardio-myopathy. I wish you strength and patience !