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Gram's has been deceased for 55 years.

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My husband, 84 AD, asks everyday about Mom, telling me he's leaving in the morning to go see Mom, the past 3-4 weeks that is all he talks about & the escalation is worrying me, not that he would actually leave to go find her, but at stage late 6 early 7. I feel that the end is near. Love him dearly and as caretakers we are the closest to them and can feel their inner feelings. But to help with the question, just agree with your Mom, don't try to reason, she will not understand and when you can change the subject or hand her her photo album, labeling who is in every picture helps immensely, makes them feel like they remember, and will give you a break as well.
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Some of my relatives began conversing quite a lot about deceased relatives, close to the time they themselves passed away. Sometimes they would even go upstairs, saying they had to change clothes as for going out to dinner with their husband.....and when they didn't come back downstairs, they were found, deceased on their bed, all.dressed for dinner. Not trying to scare you, but sometimes people talk about, or to, deceased relatives, just before they die.
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Maybe ask questions like, "tell me some of the things you can remember about your mom when you where younger" or "what do you think she was like when she was a child" and get her reminiscing about the tidbits she can remember. that may meet her needs to "visit" with mom. Get her to tell stories about her childhood with her brother...some information may surface that you have not heard...write it down...could be a treasure...
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mine thinks I AM her mother......
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Hi Lois4225. I would say, what a great idea. We must visit Gram's after tea this evening. Best for Your Mom to believe that Her Mom is still living. The sad thing about dementia is that Your Mom will have forgotten well before then.
My Mom has Azs, what a horrible end of life condition.
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In Alzheimer type dementia, they say the memory tapes are erased most recent first. So, if that is her diagnosis, she remembers she had a mom, and does not remember she is long gone on, and she is living in that past at least emotionally. It may not totally be a bad thing, and you may not have to tell her "the truth" exactly; you could look at old pictures or talk about things they used to do, and meet that need emotionally in a way even if you can't do that in real life - and who knows, maybe you'll learn some interesting things abut your family in the process.

If on the other hand she does not have Alzheimer's type dementia - let's say she recognizes you and is oriented, and this is a pretty recent change - she might be having dreams and confusing them with reality and be unable to sort out what is possible and what isn't. That might warrant a medical evaluation to see if there is anything going on giving her a mild form of delirium that might be treatable.
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When my mother asked to see her deceased brother, whom she was very close to, we told her he was away on vacation and would come by to see her when he returned. This would satisfy her immediate desire and she would move on more easily to other conversation. Usually when she would ask about him, we would reply and talk about him as if he was still living. This seemed to make her feel better and we knew at this stage in her dementia it would not help for her to be constantly upset about learning of his death every time she inquired. I hope this helps you. Tamera
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