I posted a couple weeks ago. My father is 80, in renal failure and congestive heart failure. He chose hospice after a recent heart attack really brought him down and he was worsening after 5 days of hospitalization. They gave him 3 days, it's been 4 weeks and this entire time, no food just chews ice. He's hallucinating, tells us he goes to church, he's not religious, and the other night was a piano bar, we go with it. He has confirmed to us he's talked to one person we know to be dead. Two days ago we thought he was close, we couldn't wake him and he was spasming all over. The facility suggested we come to see him. Yesterday and today he's called me and my brother on the phone and talks to us. He wants to go, he's ready, he's seen everyone he wants to see. He is in a nursing home but the hospice company only sends their nurse out twice a week. They even switched nurses and didn't tell me. On the day we thought he was going, the facility called, not hospice and I've had very little communication with them unless I initiate. Is this normal for a hospice company? My second question is would this be the rally before death? He's barely putting out urine and what is there is dark brown, and no food for a month, all they say is "I've never seen anything like this before" I need thoughts from experts.

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Even very small amounts of fluid, such as the ice chips, can prolong things a lot. But the dark urine does indicate dehydration. Sorry this is so prolonged, for you and for him.
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It could be. Seeing others that have died is often a precursor to passing.

I hate that the hospice even attempted to give you a time frame, only God knows when our number will be up. Unless you are going murder someone you don't know when the death angel will come. I think that they need to be retrained in this area.

Have you asked that a family member be contacted after visits? They can only call 1 person, so pick a family member and tell them that you want to be contacted by the nurse after visits.

We were never notified if a different nurse was coming for my sister. The nurse that was regular might say something about her days off or vacation, but that was the only notice we got. Does it matter if they are treating your dad well and he finds them compassionate and comfortable?

I am sorry that you are losing your dad in such a slow process, hopefully they are keeping him comfortable and out of pain.

Has he talked to the hospice chaplain? He may need that before he can let go, it is obviously on his heart if his imagination has him going to church. I would ask them to come see him.

This is a difficult time, HUGS!
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MamieM Oct 2019
Thank you. Yes I'm the contact person. I'l check on the Chaplin, thank you.
Gosh, that sounds terrible for him & for u. I'm not a nurse, but I've read here many times that estimates hospice gave to family can be way off, (as to how long their LO will live). In other words, patients seem to suffer for weeks sometimes, which certainly causes family distress. I'm so sorry for those awful memories you have. And why aren't the hospice workers able to offer you more than such a statement as 'not having seen this before'? That's terrible
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