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I am still working some and have some overnight travel involved. Calling to check on her is the only thing I can do at this point. She is not a danger to herself, but doesn't make good decisions. One day she let in 2 guys to demonstrate a vacuum cleaner... but won't let a hired person in to look after her.

She doesn't cook and forgets to eat. I leave things for her to put in the microwave but she doesn't follow instructions. She still drives and will go up to the corner to get a sandwich from Wendy's or Bojangles. She is 82.

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That's what I did for mom. A friend of mine would visit and mom was so excited and in a much better mood that I thought wouldn't it be great if she could be a companion care provider. I had met with an in home health company and told them about her. She went to interview with them, as she used to do this years ago, and got hired.

Now mom just thinks she shows up on Tuesdays and Thursdays to hang around on a long lunch break until 'she goes to her next job' which there isn't any. Mom thinks next job is in the area and that she is helping my friend out so she doesn't have to travel all the way home and back again. It was the only way I could do this and it has worked out perfectly. Hated lying about it, but I needed help and so did she. She also is there for dad. So I can vouch that yes, knowing the person makes a big difference. At least in my case. I handle all of the admin and payment offsite and she doesn't wear a uniform so it doesn't feel like caregiving. It feels more like a friendly visit.
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We had to hire caregivers for my Dad because his memory isn't as good as it use to be, plus that man cannot make himself a sandwich. What is great is the the caregiver goes to the front door when someone is at the door, plus if the phone rings they listen to make sure whomever is calling isn't trying to sell my Dad something.

I know it is costly but well worth the price. If the house is yours then you can say the person coming in is there to help you while you are away.
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If the sitter is someone she knows already, it will go much easier. Gently tell her, not ask her, that she will have "company" while you are away. Offer no choice-- would you allow children to refuse adult supervision? I don't think so.
It is also time to take the keys to her car away. Her impaired decision making puts her and the public in serious jeopardy. Be safe.
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I agree with Maggie in that someone with dementia who lives alone is a danger to herself. Letting 2 men in the door? She's fortunate that they were just salesmen.

If you would like your mom to be comfortable having someone come in to help her do a trial run with her a few times. Be there with her and have someone come in for a few hours while you are there. Let your mom get used to the person. After a few days of this leave for an hour or so while the person is there. Do this a few times. Gradually leave your mom alone with the person and see how that works out.

If elderly people insist on staying in their home even when they need help then sacrifices have to be made on their part.
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If this person has dementia, I'm not sure you can confidently say she's not a danger to herself. Older seniors who don't make good decisions are ALWAYS a danger...add dementia to the mix, and I think you may be kidding yourself.

Either she doesn't have dementia or she shouldn't be driving alone, by the way.

So what do you do when a person with dementia won't allow anyone to come into the house? You make it clear they have no choice.

If you don't resolve this issue, you are likely to have Adult Protective Services knocking on the door.
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