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My mother is 87 and has had 2 strokes and is suffering from Dementia. Everyday she tells me my granddaughter stole her radio. My Mom has talked to my granddaughter 3 times regarding the radio and she forgets she did. Everyday she wants to talk to her to ask her where her radio is. I tell my Mother no she can not call her and she gets mad at me. She doesn't remember she asked me the same question the day before. I tell her my granddaughter did not steal it because she's never had a radio missing. She cries because she feels I'm taking her side. She forgets we talked about her radio the day before so every day it's a new topic to her. My mother lives with me. I retired 2 years ago to travel and enjoy my camping group but that same month I retired she fell and broke one of her vertebrates. I nursed her back to health and I'm with her 24/7 now. My children help me but my sister doesn't. I'm the only one she feel comfortable with. She doesn't want strangers in her home so hiring someone to be with her is out of the question. She is very picky and opinionated. Taking care of her is a full time job. How do I deal with her accusing my granddaughter everyday. What can I do to make her see there was no such radio missing? Last night she wanted me to drive to her house so she could pick up the radio. She used bad words when she talks about her. Other then my granddaughter we get along. She's happy I'm always with her. I need help.

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Can you find a yoga or mediation tape for her? She's searching for a feeling of peace. Please also talk to her doc about this.
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So far she's just accusing my granddaughter of stealing the radio. I hope she doesn't bring up another lost item.
Thank you...
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I know, it's amazing given their memory problems that they hold on to these negative, hurtful, thoughts. I was warned to expect this behavior, but it is still troubling. Last week Dad had his aide write a note to the cleaning lady asking her to please return the missing locket to this chain necklace that he had taped to the note. She showed me the note and I just shook my head and said so sorry.
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Babalou, the cassette is from a Yoga lecture she went to years ago. She mentioned it again last night after I took her out on a concert. She wanted to speak to Crystal regarding the radio. She brings it up close to midnight every day. She calls her all kinds of bad words. It beaks my heart.
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Aha, what's on the casette? Get her to talk about that. What kind of songs, is it a lecture from her favorite minister, or a recording of her parents? In part, you need to distract her, but you may be able to find out what she's really after.

In general, folks with dementia develop these false beliefs, I've noticed, and that it sometimes happens at the same time of day, every day. It's called sundowning. You should mention it to her doctor. Meds may help if it becomes a big problem for you.
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Buying a new radio won't work. She says there's a cassette in it that she wants to listen to. She drew me a picture of what the radio looks like. I've never seen such a radio. I try to ignore her when she brings up the subject. I was hoping she would eventually forget about it but that hasn't happened.
Thank you everyone for your suggestions.
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misslolita, I noticed you wrote that your Mother doesn't want strangers in the house. There comes a time when an elder does need more help than you can give.... our parent still see us as a "child" and still think we have the energy of a 20 something :P

I know it won't be easy getting paid caregivers to come in... my Mom chased them out of her house after 3 days.... my Mom was also is very picky and opinionated, oh my gosh the rude things she would say to those caregivers who were of a different culture.

My Mom made a very snide remark about one caregiver which embarrassed me, and I looked at the caregiver and mouthed "I'm sorry", the caregiver put her finger to her lips as to say don't say anything to your Mom. These experienced caregivers understand it is the generation and the dementia talking.

misslolita, since your Mom is in your home, maybe you can tell her the person coming in is there to help you, not her. And after enough time your Mom will get use to the person and welcome her helping her out .
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The mysterious radio might have some significance to her that no one will ever understand. Did her husband give her one at some time in her life? She may have an attachment to a radio that she even had when she was much younger.

I would get a nice radio, paint her name on it, or put a sticker or something else to identify it as hers, and tell her you found it in a closet or something.
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Hopefully she'll grow out of this fixation soon, I hear your frustration! I expect the apology wouldn't work either as she would soon forget that as well. Try to figure out what it is about this particular radio that she thinks is special... maybe she is fixated on the music and programs from years ago that those other radios won't play lol! Beyond that try to re direct her. "Oh, she just borrowed it for the weekend and will bring it back later" or "It's too late today to go pick it up, I'll try to find the time tomorrow".
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Have you tried buying her a new radio and bringing it out when Mom starts about the radio? "See Mom, your radio is right here!" Perhaps this is a "touchstone" that Mama really needs.
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Just suck it up and ask your granddaughter to apologize...that sh borrowed it, should have asked and didn't, and now someone has stolen it. "I love you, great-granny!! I'm soo sorry."
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