Paying thousands for one month of nursing home care. Any advice on average monthly cost?

I am paying $125,000/ yr. for my husband's care in an Alzheimer facility, with excellent care. We are fortunate to have a country home in woods, off grid. We gave one son land and helped with cost of building. (The other three children will split our assets). But I was forced to sell some land for four houses, $ from which will go to my husband's care. I am accepting it, hoping I can still enjoy my house and all the birds and wildlife, but two of my other children are furious with me... but have not offered to help with the financing. This is what I call an ancillary cost of our miserable health system. Family tension.

I agree with you. Lots of people will make excuses for the insane cost of "institutionalized neglect." People don't want to feel guilty about dumping their loved ones in these prisons. People who claim the facilities are good either have a very unique situation (1 in 1000) or haven't spent enough time in the facility -- like showing up randomly any time night or day and spending hours observing.

I spent more than 5 years (daily, on average 8 hours/day - until her departure in June of this year, 2022) caring for my severely limited mother in a nursing home of a self-proclaimed "high end" continuing care retirement community where my mother had a Life Care contract (search for Vi Living). My mother was grossly neglected before I left my career and home and moved 3500 miles to care for her after I visited and found so many things wrong. For example #1 (of many I could share): When I was there to visit before I moved there, I asked the nurse what was going on with my mother's hearing, because I noticed she could not hear me unless I was in front of her. The nurse was unaware of any issue. The doctor stood 18 inches in front of my mother and asked if she could hear him. I took my mother to an ENT doctor and he removed at least 1/2" of wax out of each of her ears. Then she could hear fine. Of course, the facility did nothing to educate the staff or inform them that any unresponsiveness was due to her hearing, not her cognition. For example #2: A few months after I went back home to put my life in order so I could move, my mother started talking about Larry, who she was going to marry, who she was going to take trips with, etc. All my siblings heard about Larry - who was an imaginary friend or a spirit guide. Did the facility have any awareness: No. My mother was so emotionally and psychosocially neglected, she had to conjure up a companion. Once I arrived, Larry was never spoken of again.

BTW: In addition to the hundreds of thousands of dollars paid for the Life Care Contract (effectively a long-term care policy, for Life, but limited to one facility - the community's), my mother paid approximately $10,000 a month for a private room ($4500/month for the 1st year and half in a semi-private room, while she was on the waiting list for a private room).

I advise staying away from nursing homes whenever possible. Metaphorically they are warehouses for the elderly, bad zoos, prisons, or the like. Owners, management, and most staff treat residents as 3rd class citizens who have few rights. Most of the public shares that perspective. Yet, in fact, the resident's space is their HOME. They are entitled to the basic rights of every other citizen in their home.

There are extensive laws to protect residents (42 CFR §483) -- but NOBODY knows them or seriously enforces them.

The system is horrific, but in this country money talks so the compassionless profiteers get away with it.

Within the next few months I intend to have a website built -- adding as I have time -- excerpts from "our" story.

Juloo, welcome.

I hope it is mom and not YOU who is paying the Nursing Home. Mom's resources, including Medicaid, should be supporting her medical and housing needs.

Juloo63, think of this this way.... imagine if that nursing home was your house. The bill for just electricity/gas each month would be in the thousands.... the water bill would be high.... payroll would be through the roof for nurses, aides, call-in doctor or on-site doctor, physical therapist, housekeeping, administration staff, kitchen help, handymen on-site, etc.

Imagine the property tax for the building/land that the facility sits on. There is also building insurance and liability insurance in case someone, be it a resident or staff, gets seriously hurt while on the premises.

There are other "contractors" such as a contract with a private ambulance service. Contract with a lawn mowing/landscaping company for weekly mowing and for snow removal.

Cost of cable TV service with outlets in many rooms, cost of those TV's, cost of telephone service for the building. Cost of internet service and all the laptops used by the staff.

If you think your grocery bill is high, imagine what it would cost for a senior facility doing 3 meals a day, plus snacks for inbetween. And managing special diets.

Cost of the laundry service or having commercial size washers and dryers, and the housekeeping staff that goes from room to room.

There are other costs connected with a nursing home, same with Assisted Living/Memory Care. But this gives you idea what the monthly cost is so high.

When my Dad had 3 shifts of caregivers at home, it was costing him $20k per month, yes per month. Dad was happy to know that when he went into Memory Care it was $7k a month, which felt like a real bargain for him.

It’s always been important to save for one’s old age. It’s never been a good idea to expect younger generations to foot the bill for the older ones, Yet even though in the US we have had prosperity compared to so many other countries, why do so many elders seem not to know that they should have saved and saved and saved? How does it so often come down to no assets left and the kids having to scramble to get their parents decent care? We have a duty to provide for ourselves. Too many elders didn’t get that memo.

When our elderly mother could no longer live safely alone in her home it was time to transition to an ALF private apartment. Yes, there were huge arguments but after a minor car accident we had a solid decision to move. We did some major repairs to her older home to sell for best / full market value - this was her only life savings / investment to be used for her future care. The ALF cost was $6K per month plus phone and laundry fees - limited cable TV access.

After 1.5 years she had a medical event requiring hospitalization, rehab and was medically evaluated that she required to go to a SNF. She was transferred initially as a private resident costing $15K per month. 2 years later all her money was spent and we applied for Medicaid.

Here is a chart by state what SNF charge.
https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/nursing-home-costs/

I have NO issue with these fees. My only wish is that the medical staff - nurses and aides are paid fairly for what they do. These facilities must be staffed with the appropriate medical staff to cover 24 hr /7 days including holidays. Frankly, these healthcare workers are saints IMO for what they do considering the huge profits some of these facilities make as businesses. I do wonder where that $15K per month goes as I do not think it is spent on the healthcare staff IMO who deserve it.

I would not be able to provide this care level at home plus the medical monitoring, etc. Our mother is seen weekly by the staff physician - how could I possibly provide doctor evaluation at home with a wheelchair bound disabled elderly person? She is where she needs to be at age 95.

We just placed my father in a SNF. We're paying $10,850 per month for a top nursing home here in NC. That is before the costs of meds and any extras, like transportation to doctors or haircuts. We are having to sell his home to pay for it, my only inheritance, but it is what it is. If that money runs out, if my father lives that long, then we can apply for Medicaid but the good facilities here wouldn't take a Medicaid-pending resident, and no way was I going to place him in one of the awful facilities here. It stinks that we basically have to bankrupt our edlers so they can get good care (or any care sometimes), and families are left with nothing. The US system is so broken.

If a person has money they should be paying for their care that's what it's for - not inheritances and leave the government and taxpayers holding the bag when it isn't necessary. Yes, the government wastes money but that's no reason for an individual to abuse Medicaid.

I've been in the nursing home and now I'm at home with aides. Home is more expensive and a lot more problems. I may make the decision to back into facility care.

I chose to keep my bride of 32 years, at home. She requires 24/7 companions/caregivers. This allows me time to sleep without interruption and time to get out during the day for my own health and well-being. I’m paying $13k a month. If I move her to a care facility it goes up to $19k a month because I need someone to be with her every minute. Facilities do not provide 24/7 care companions. You have to bring in someone for that.
Yes, this is expensive, but if your mom has only a few months remaining, I pray you have the resources to provide what she needs.

Around the Seattle area, I don't know about the nursing homes, but adult family homes start at about $7-8,000 (the low end and thus- you get what you pay for) to the top dollar of $23,000/mo. When I was seeking a place for my mother, (back in 2021), was advised that a 'good' nursing home would run about $13-18,000 a month. I ended up having her placed in a middle of the range afh that was $12,000/mo (and wished I had the finances to place her in a more expensive one where her care would have been far better).

As others mentioned, there are other costs involved besides the immediate ones you see - utilities, taxes, insurance ( a biggie), building interior and exterior maintenance, equipment, laundry, etc etc. All these add up and have to be paid to stay in business.