My Mom lives far from me (9 hour drive). She is 75 and her husband is 60. For the past two years she has been saying that he is having an affair, abusing her, cheating on her. I took all of this seriously and tried to get her to leave, etc- She would not leave him, and should not leave any of her pets- 3 golden retrievers and 3 cats. I should have known something more was going on when she was choosing her pets over her own safety, but I did not. She came into the relationship with a substantial amount of money- instead properly, she could have easily lived off of the money for the rest of her life. The money is gone. He has filed for divorce, and wants to spilt the assets 50-50- there are hardly any assets- certainly not enough to cover long term care.
I finally decided that the risk of covid was less important than visiting her and trying to help in person. When I arrived, I was shocked. She is suffering from obvious dementia. She had all 6 animals in her bedroom with her, and it was filthy. She was not properly caring for the dogs- letting them pee and poo all over the bedroom instead of letting them out (there was some illogical story about their safety). She is not feeding herself properly, nor is she bathing enough. She became incredibly angry at me when I cleaned her room. She has a leg infection that she is getting home wound care for, but needed to go to her doctor's appointment. She was very combative when I took her to her appointment. She kept telling me to go the wrong way, so I would get lost. She was agitated waiting in the waiting room. She uses a golf club as a cane, as she says she isn't old and doesn't need a cane. When I wouldn't give her the car keys to leave (she didn't want to wait to see the doctor), she became verbally abusive. No matter how logically I explained that she had to wait, or tried to distract with stories and photos of her grandchildren, she became more and more agitated. I happened to see it out of the corner of my eye and blocked it when it happened, but she had the golf club raised over her head to hit me in the head with it. She could have seriously injured me with it!
Additionally, she seems to make up stories that sound like books she has read- like she is mashing up reality with the fiction she reads?
The level of decline in such a short period of time is EXTREME. I saw her in January of 2020, and she was normal, if maybe slightly more verbally aggressive. She has always had a temper.
I now realize that her husband is not beating her, although I think she believes he is. She believes he will kill her animals, and she will not leave the house without hiring a baby sitter. (Which is why she never. gaped to her doctor's appointments).
Her primary care physician of 20 years had my POA on file and had been communicating with me. She stopped listening to his medical advice and going to appointments this past summer- instead of letting me know, they just went through the official process of dropping her form their practice. She has such fear of doctors, that finding a new primary care provider has proven difficult.
I am a mother to 4 children ages 7-17. I am a long distance away. How do I go about getting her into some sort of care facility? I dot even know where to start! Should it be in Florida where she lives, near me in SC? Are there any facilities that allow a large dog? She will never forgive me for taking her away from her pets, but she is obviously unable to care for herself. Is better for her to stay married and not get divorced so that her husband is more responsible for the costs?