Out of state move for an elder. Any advice?

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My husband may have an out of state opportunity; the move would afford us a better quality of life. My 89 yr old Mom has dementia and I would want to move her with us because no one in the family visits her but me- my brother is out of state and everyone else (cousins) have their own stuff going on. I'm afraid if I leave her behind she will fall into a really bad funk. She is in assisted living but no longer participates in activities because her dementia makes it difficult for her to carry on conversations and that no doubt makes her self conscious. She also has severe osteoarthritis and cannot stand/move around on her own. She is incontinent too- so she is also physically limited. So here is my question, has anyone had experience moving an elder out of state in this type of condition? I would have to hire a caregiver to help move her out cause I'm unable to help her...am I crazy thinking I can move her out of state???

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@sandwichedat40- thank you SO much for the airmedicgroup information; 90% of the anxiety I have about moving her is the transport. What a relief to have a professional company avaialbe as a resource.
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I know people suggest leaving her, but I strongly disagree if you can help it. Unless other health issues come into play first, the Dementia could leave your mom completely unable to communicate and bedridden. If she can't advocate for herself now, I'm telling you from experience, it is much more difficult to do long distance. I lived on the opposite coast from my parents, and even with a POA hospital staff (except for a doctor, but do you know how long it takes to get one to call you back?) wouldn't talk with me, because they didn't have a way to confirm my identity. Your mom needs someone to check on her and make sure she's ok, and to advocate for her needs. Also, you won't be able to talk with her on the phone, and not all places/staff are accommodating. How will you know if something is wrong with her? What if she has to go to the hospital? Moving an older family member, especially one with dementia, is challenging, but doable, as long as you have the resources and support. I moved my dad from a rehab/SNF to an SNF out near me. I visited all the places within a comfortable radius from my home, put my name on waiting lists, and applied. There was no way that I could give my dad the care he needs in my home due to his physical, as well as cognitive, deficits. As soon as a bed opened up, I put money down to "hold" his bed. Then I called a fantastic air medic company who arranged and took care of EVERYTHING bed-to-bed, flying him commercially. I was eight months pregnant, and I'm telling you, it was such a relief to have someone else doing this for me. (www.airmedgroup.com) I met my dad at the SNF out here on the west coast and helped him settle in. He is so much more content being close by us (we moved my mom out, as well, who lives with us) and he/they love seeing their granddaughter grow. I'm able to make sure he's cared for and I advocate when needed. If your mom goes to an SNF, you might need to apply for Medicaid to cover the cost. But be aware of your new state's laws regarding the estate of someone in an SNF and hire yourself a good Elder Care and Estate Planning attorney. However, if financially you can, you might want to consider finding an assisted living place near your new home that includes Memory Care (Medicaid doesn't pay for this). It's up to you if you think you can move your mom in with you, and if so, you will want caregivers to help, so that she is safe, and you have a break. As someone else mentioned, there are special companies which specialize in downsizing and moving seniors' belongings. We had a hoarding issue, and that had to be dealt with from 3,000 miles away, because I was pregnant. There were many ups and downs, and of course, we were not also moving at the same time, but we were going through a major life change. It is possible, and if you can do it, it would allow you to make sure your mom is properly cared for.
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I moved my mom two months ago from assisted living in Michigan to our home in SC. She turned 72 last month. Her present condition is similar to your mom's, sounds like, though I think your mom's dementia is just a bit more advanced. My mom had been in assisted living (well, rehab first) since a bad stroke three and a half years ago. She hated it there; she doesn't like old people (lol) and the nurses talked to her like she was four years old and 80% deaf. She also hates the cold. I knew I couldn't base my decision to move her solely on her whims. Nevertheless, the crazy thought occurred to me that planning had just been getting in the way and, on a whim of my own, I booked two one-way flights from Grand Rapids to Charleston. My husband and I drove up, he drove back with the car loaded up, and Mom and I flew home. The trip itself was stressful but she handled it like a champ. When we got home we both slept for about a day and a half straight. lol These last several weeks have seen some hard times for all of us, including my mom, but for us it was a good decision. Eventually she will need more and better care than I can give her and I'll feel a whole lot better about where she is when I can see it (and her) on a regular basis. Bear in mind I didn't say it was "the right" decision; I said "a good" decision. I can't imagine any cut and dry answers. Otherwise, why would we need this resource? I'm seeing some very useful advice here. Peace to you and to your mother, come what may.
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My son and I moved Mother out of Personal Care when she was 99 years old, she was injured there near death / blind from the facilities negligence and arrogance. She lived in Independent Living for 14 years at the same facility before being forced into Personal Care hellhole. We were criticized for moving her at her age. There was no problem moving her. The attorney I hired over an issue was no help at all. He called me up to yell at me just weeks after he told me how to move her out. He said that I was inconsiderate to move her to be close to my home for my convenience. She made the move like a trooper. I am able to stay with Mom 24 x 7 here.  It is in my community we know and trust and close to Church where I have been a member for 30 + years. We have a lot of love and support here. Mom has gotten a lot better than when she was in an abusive situation at the former facility. We set up her furniture, put up her favorite family pictures, framed prints and paintings on the walls. She felt at home here from the beginning. We had a huge 100th Birthday party for her here in October and invited all the residents and family from faraway came for the weekend (the nice side of the family). There were many well wishers and a group of members from the Church Choir attended and sang a beautiful Happy Birthday to her.
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This is a tough call here. My mother demanded to live in her own home alone in Massachusetts. We tried EVERYTHING to change the situation because she wasn't safe and quite ill. So I had to leave my Maryland home (sure I had a life!) and move in with her.
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Hi all- thanks so much for your thoughts and suggestions! Lots to think about and I'm sure I'll be asking if the move comes to pass!
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Great points ahove, I would just add that I'd try to look forward to when she progresses and may need Memory Care or a nursing home. With dementia, it can be rapid or slow. I had to move my LO from a regular AL to a Memory Care unit pretty quickly, due to an increase in her level of care. It went very smoothly (though I was stressed out about it) and worked out great, but, everyone is different. Some seniors don't adjust that well.

To me, when they begin to decline, have illnesses, injuries, etc. you may need to be close enough to see her. Since that's difficult to do long distance, I'd move her closer or have a good professional case manager retained to do that for you.

I hope you find a solution that works well for you both.
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Had she been competent I would've said talk to her and see how she feels about it. Since she has dementia and not doing well, I would say put her in a trusted memory care facility but first do your homework since there are many bad ones out there. Moving her out of state is only going to make an already bad situation even worse. That's because she's already confused enough and such a move will only confuse her more and even cause not only emotional upset but she'll go kicking and screaming. This will draw unwanted attention to you, so I strongly agree with the person who mentioned leave her alone
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We moved Mother once and FIL once. It's totally doable. Best advice, don't tell dementia patient that they are going to move in advance. Also, if it's more than a couple of hours distance, fly, don't drive.
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You might want to check in with a senior type moving company...I think one might be called Caring Transitions or similar. Not sure how it works but they manage moves and set things up so things are exactly as they were in the prior place. You may need someone on both ends to pull this off, and of course will need to find a place in the new state...but it does seem feasible that a change is going to be inevitable, and you must take some time to consider your own well-being and future. As far as the paper work, sounds like you have plenty of lead time, so just take a breath and start a to do list. Hopefully you've got legal stuff taken care of and have POA so you can get going on it...but of course there will be no address until you find a place for her. I wonder if a PO Box address (or a mailboxes + location?) might help...holding good thoughts for you.
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