Nervous but about to take the plunge. I teach, but am about to quit my teaching job!!! Is there anything I'm not thinking of?

Are you giving up a pension?

What about SS credits?

Have you looked at what your retirement funding will look like?

Have you ever availed yourself of further training in classroom management or in behavioral techniques? Or peer to peer training? I am a life-long ed person.

Most of can learn how to manage a classroom if we don't assume that children should respect us from the outset.

Please think about what your mom's need will be in 5 years, when you are 5 years older.

Your profile says that your mom has Alzheimer's/dementia, so as you're aware she will only continue to get worse and your days of "easy peasy" will be short lived, so enjoy them while they last.
Being a full-time caregiver is the hardest job you will ever do, and the little pay the state will give you should really give you pause. If you thought being a teacher was exhausting and stressful, you ain't seen nothing yet.
And yes, please hire with moms money someone to give you some much needed breaks, as you will not survive this caregiving journey otherwise.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's nice that you want to take care of your mom; I just think you still have your rose colored glasses on, and am afraid of the day when you take them off and see what you've gotten yourself into.
So just don't give up your teaching license quite yet.
Best wishes.

Hi OP.

My SIL is a caregiver paid directly by the ILs. She makes $70k. That makes her functionally an employee as much as the night/weekend indy. She, the SIL, had Brother call because of Family for two weeks in a row to babysit for free because she had social obligations with her own family. SO put a stop to it, because she is an employee and he's doing it for free. You cannot prevail upon Family as a paid person like you might if all this were free.

Second, in the profile, I saw that there's an aide coming for 30 hours. That still leaves you with 138 hours with her. She may be easy-peasy now, but dementia is progressive. What happens as she declines? Is the state going to pay for another aide? Who is paying for the one you have?

What about benefits? i.e. health insurance, vacation pay, sick leave. And consider your Social Security and pension. And your mom’s needs will increase. She may be easy now but that won’t always be true.

Things to consider: Total devil's advocate here, because I would probably do this for my mom too as things stand right now because we do normally share a home with her when she is not taking care of my grandmother so I can see this being a possible scenario for us down the road.
1. Vacations: you will have to hire someone 24/7 @ $25 /hour if you want to take a vacation. (From Mom's budget)
2. Mobility: what is her current level? When my SIL moved in with FIL, not even as his caregiver, he went from nearly 100% independent with nearly all independent ADLs to nearly 100% DEPENDENT with nearly 0% ADLs in the span of a year. Because she was his daughter. He saw no issues with asking more of her. And as he did, he relied less on himself and lost his independence entirely.
3. Privacy and alone time: when your entire life is 100% dedicated to caregiving you may find that there is little time (or in fact energy) left for yourself or your spouse.
4. Resentment: what seems easy peasy right now is because you are not doing it 24/7. To both you and your husband. But will he or you feel the same when you don't have time for each other? My mom is currently caregiving for my grandmother, who is experiencing SHADOWING as part of her dementia. She cannot handle being away from my mother for very long even though my grandmother is quite independent. She is very anxious when my mother is away. She does NOT like to share my mother with other people for too long, even my mother's own grandchildren. She's ok for short spans of time but when she is ready for my mother's attention she pouts and acts out. Are you prepared for the impact this could potentially have to your marriage? Is your husband aware of things like this occurring and getting worse in dementia and that if she fixates on you, no one else will do? That it won't be him sharing you with her, but in many ways her sharing you with him? At least it may feel that way.
5. Loss of retirement income
6. Loss of autonomy: that one may seem an odd statement, to you, it's just going from one just to another right. But it's not, not really. You can quit teaching. Its a lot harder to quit your mother once you start this. Are you prepared to hire full time caregivers and live with her and see her disappointment that you aren't doing the caregiving if this doesn't work? Or if you ultimately have to move her to an assisted living facility?

These are just some of the things that come to mind.

Choupette - you asked: "Anything I’m not thinking of or seeing?"

My answer: I think you should find out the hard way like the rest of us.

After quitting your job, and caring for your mom 24/7 for a few months or a year, you will find out every reason why you shouldn't have quit your day job and taken on a 24/7 job.

Whatever we tell you know now will pale in comparison to what you will learn first hand on your own.

Do you have any long service leave or ability to take some time off to trial?

It may work well for you, but re-assessing every 3 months may be needed.

Caregiving can turn into a slippery slope quickly! But also, it may be very rewarding for you.

Just have an escape plan.

Also, what you do mean by "reducing our financial footprint"? Like reducing your carbon footprint?

You think you need less money as you age? Spend less money as you age?
Oh boy! How wrong you are.

How about a different teaching job?

There are a lot of people who will tell you that this is a horrible idea but I did something similar and it was a win win for my mother and I (for the first few years anyway). Definitely plan for regular respite, try to fit in some me time every day as well as your weekends.

The biggest difficulty I faced was how and when to stop being a caregiver - I thought I had a good plan in place but I ever realized just how physically frail and dependent people can become and how long they can continue to live that way. I held on way too long because I didn't want to drop the ball with the end in sight, but one day I realized I had nothing left to give, my emotional tank had run dry. I called mom's case manager and told her I was done, and mom got a priority respite bed in a nursing home and then transitioned to full time placement. She lived another 18 months beyond that time; wheelchair bound, almost totally immobile, needing to be fed her pureed meals and in general as needy as a new born. I spent a lot of time in that nursing home and she was far from the only one ekeing out her final days in that way.

I can't blame you for not wanting to be a teacher today. Myself, I went to Catholic schooling and the sisters knew how to handle discipline. If a student was too out of control they were expelled and it was up to their parents to find them a new school to attend. Today many parents expect the school to do their job. The school is not only expected to teach them. It has to raise them, feed them, discipline them and be the daycare center. I don't blame you for wanting out of that. Unfortunately, public schools don't allow staff to give a disrespectful brat kid what they need. If you're of retirement age and are well-off enough financially, then I say go for it.
As for giving it up to become a caregiver to an elderly person with Alzheimer's I'm telling you DO NOT DO IT!!! Keep your mother living with you as long possible if it's what you want, but do not get rid of your hired caregivers. In fact, you need to bring in more.
What will happen if you become mom's 24-hour caregiver and constant companion is that you won't be able to even step out of the room to go to the bathroom without her totally losing it. Please, don't let her get used to seeing you all day long because you'll regret it and burn out quick.
I've done elderly homecare for a long time. There have been clients on my service that I've had to call APS for. The clients and the families simply assumed that because they're paying me that I'm available to their "loved ones" 24 hours a day. I'd have hysterical clients with dementia (and without) start calling my phone hysterical before I even made it fully out of their driveways. When I was new to senior caregiving I'd go running back and stay without pay of course and there would be nothing at all wrong with them. This will happen with you. Your whole life will just be mom 24 hours a day if you don't have outside caregiving help.
I had to learn fast how to ignore and how not to get used by families who don't want any responsibility. I learned how to walk away at the end of my shift and to ignore the phone calls. You won't be able if you're the only caregiver. Please don't do it.

Ideally, kids get better as the school year progresses. Your mother will do the opposite. She'll get progressively worse, will require round-the-clock care, and you'll be dealing with feces, bathing, and eventually a bedridden woman who can't be cared for by one person. You won't get any sleep, and your health will suffer. Your internal radar will never turn off because you can't just go home and sleep.

If you can afford the loss of income, Social Security credits, privacy, and sleep, go for it.

I took care of my parents for two months when my dad was dying of cancer. Both were relatively easy to care for, but by the time my dad died after six weeks, I'd lost 10 pounds and hadn't slept more than two hours uninterrupted because Mom had dementia and would get up to go to the bathroom and to tell me Dad was dead when he wasn't. I was a jibbering wreck by the end.

My husband and brother thought we should move in with Mom so I could take care of her in her own home, and I shot that down immediately. I loved my mother more than anything, but I knew she would die sooner in my care, my marriage would end, and my health would suffer further. I also knew that my husband sure wouldn't help my mother wipe herself or bathe her, so every caregiving task would be on me to accomplish. It is literally a 24/7 job, and no one can work those hours without dropping.

I left teaching many years ago, and I never regretted it. I was able to use many of y teaching skills training others where I worked (for free, of course), so if you're fed up as I was - and afraid of getting COVID as well, now - I'd leave IF you can accept the reduced or non-existent pension you'll have to live on later, along with whatver your husband will get.

I’m a teacher and understand. I would really think this through. I took long leaves of absence to help my parents. It sounds like you have already made up your mind. I have two friends that left their jobs for full-time caregiving of very sweet and “easy” parents. It can get extremely exhausting and lonely. They both entered the opportunities wearing rose colored glasses. Again, I think you will say, “ Oh, not me or not my mom….” However, my heart goes out to my friends. It’s not an easy life as initially thought. I wish you the best.

Hello! I left my teaching job in June 2020. It was a decision I had to make because mom needed more and more care. I can tell you that caretaking takes an enormous toll on me. I have aides but in this COVID world, they are unreliable. They get sick due to no fault at all of theirs but at times before they got sick, I had some who would call in regularly and not show up. I’m an only child and only living relative for my mom. I hardly spend time with my husband and friends. Think it over VERY carefully. I do work part time teaching so that saves me.

You don’t say how old you are so I don’t know if social security or anything like that will enter in as income. I can tell you I did just what you are thinking in 2020 at the start of covid. I’ve been dads sole caregiver since 2005 when my mother passed. He is also very easy and never ill. My job did a layoff in March if 2020 of its older workers (I am retirement age) and I was glad to go out with severance as dad was 99 at the time. I am also now his paid caregiver through a VA program called Aide an Assisstance. I found a wonderful woman who comes two days to sit with dad while I do errands or meet a friend. Yes it’s very hard work. Yes I get resentful that my sister doesn’t help at all. But I am so glad I’m doing it. Dad is happier and I no longer have the added stress of a toxic work work atmosphere.I hope this helps.

Iit's awesome that you're getting married,congrats! It's also great that you have a job waiting for you,that being said,I take care of my husband& It's hard bc I he has to be my first thought everyday,I have no days off or sick days,everything is a schedule,eating the same time every day,when he keeps coughing as elderly ppl do,it's bc they're not drinking enough,so we have to pay attention,even when he walks he scuffles,doesn't pick up his feet,no scatter rugs bc they will slip and fall,so make sure there's nothing in their path to trip on. He calls me the nurse from hell. I don't have family that I can ask to sit with him&our daughter is career oriented in a few states away,consider all of these things,I have very little time to take care of myself,but I married this man&I'm grateful I can take the best care of him,no nursing instition can take better care than what I'm able to do. You really have to consider whether you can give up free time or socializing time,it is a challenging&at times difficult bc they can be angry for little things,they can have outbursts for sometimes nothing at all or reminding them to drink. The question is are you up to the difficult,rewarding(knowing you're making a difference)responsibility? For me I know he's safe from being neglected or abused&getting the love,compassion,provided for. He's thick headed&set in his ways&I work around that&remind him often that I love him,not controlling him,but wanting him to be healthy&safe. I hope my experience sheds some light. One last thing,sometimes they can say hurtful things to get what they want or to get you to stop asking them to drink,or not to eat a lot of junk,that's what they're mad at,not you,but what is suggested that they do. Good luck!

This sounds like a nice option for you. I would definitely continue with the aid for a reprieve. Keep that connection for the time that Mom’s condition declines.

Have you thought about starting off by taking a year of family leave? Then reassess in a year? I only say that because that would give you a little safety net, and maintain your benefits, tenure, and etc. should you decide to go back. Just a thought!

Currently I'm caregiving in the "easy peasy" phase for my husband-he is mostly lucid, can self care with bathing, use the Kerug for coffee. I know he is going to get worse. A lot worse. Starting to line up in home care now. Why? I have had 4 whole days off, to myself, in eight months. Add COVID to the mix. Lots and lots of doctor's appointments for him, husband's mental decline and it takes a toll. This is my second round of caregiving, First time was Mom's end stage cancer-that was easy compared to dementia. Cause the resources for dementia are not even close to what is available for cancer, which (silly me) at the time of husband's diagnosis I thought would be the same. I have had to really dig around for help. The local area department on aging emailed some information and that was about it. I'm piecing together as best I can help for my husband and myself.
The replies here are very, very good, accurate and I hope provide the answers you are looking for, as well as honestly challenging your point of view about caregiving.

Teachers don't make much in the way of income. Now you're willing to take this new job on because mom is easy peasy? They all are at the beginning. As time goes on it will be much more difficult. You will be stuck in a thankless 24/7 job giving you more hours with no breaks. Make sure you are in charge of all the legalities so when the time comes, you are able to care for your loved one and yourself by placing her in a home. Ask me why i know this.... you think you're tired now! Just wait.....

Quitting teaching saved my own life and sanity. Care taking your mother might become a big job, but you already recognize the importance of hiring extra help if needed. Most families do their care taking without any pay, so your eligibility for such a program is a nice bonus. If you are prepared to hire help if needed and if you can do without your former teacher's salary, by all means, quit!

Can you just take leave? I t ook leave for a few months, and during that time was able to find somone to come in and help. It worked out so well that I went back to work, finished out and then retired. But there are ways to keep your options open to go back if needed, otherwise you risk losing your retirement.
But if you can be paid to stay home, do it! Talk to your HR to find out what benefits you can get from teaching. I hope it works out well for you!

Everyone has really good advice here- they are right on. I have my mom here in my home and I take care of her as well. She was easy in the beginning and now she has progressed and it’s harder. It’s sort of like a disrespectful teenager, except it’s your loved one. A teenager knows they are being disrespectful but a dementia person doesn’t, so you have to bite your tongue and respond lovingly. It has taken a toll on my marriage and going out after 7pm gets her nervous because she doesn’t want to be alone and taking vacations is an extra chore to find someone to take care of her. I think it’s wonderful you want to take care of your mother and it’s do-able, if you have someone else to watch her while you go out or on vacation. I didn’t think ahead on how I would deal with the progression because she’s my mom and I felt like I could handle it. I thought if caretakers can do it, I could, but they go home and leave their job, I don’t- it’s 24/7. I highly suggest if you decide to take care of her, do something else part time that you do enjoy doing because you need that outlet. Schedule dates with friends and husband and please do think ahead on a plan B when mom starts to progress. Praying for guidance and wisdom.

Go for it, with the built-in weekend 'reprieve' help right up front; and if and when your mom needs more care, is less 'easy peasy' plan to bring in more help, depending on her kinds of need. You have done a good thing for society as an educator; now be with your mom and enjoy your 'semi-retirement' by stepping away from teaching to focus on family, your personal life. While things are in transition and fairly easy on you, start researching ideas/plan for when your mom may need placement and how you folks would be able to do that, with everyone's best interests, health and safety, considered.

My husband and I were both teachers who left teaching to take care of my mom and her sister (who both were schoolteachers). We find it is the perfect education for caretaking them in their second childhood. It is also more rewarding because school is all about what you can't do with children. "God Bless You for caring for your loved ones" comes from everywhere, strangers and family!

Definitely, a toxic environment is something you do not need so leaving your job is understandable. But I cannot ignore the fact that you are entering what we call in the profession "aging senior care". Does it have problems? You bet! There are many problems I see every day in my counsel with caregivers. Basically, you have 4 categories you have to think about: 1) Their Health - you know this is going to decline. She will lose her ability to function. How well are you equipped to be up all night because she sleeps during the day, do her hygiene, fix her meals only to have her tell you she hates your cooking? Not going to the doctor, complaining of pain, won't exercise, blasting the TV, won't see friends, or refusing to give you the keys when you tell her it's time to stop driving? These are things to discuss now. 2) Her mental ability will decline. When this happens she will no longer be able to "complete" her relationship with you or your husband. In other words, do not expect anything back from her, no matter how much you give of your time and life. She is not capable of a give-and-take relationship anymore. If any form of dementia is diagnosed, you will need education and help. She can become uncontrollable and mean, emotionally and verbally to you and your husband. She doesn't want to slow down; she doesn't mean to be slow. It's just what aging does to us. 3) Legal & Financial Help. Hopefully, she has an extra $683 a month hanging around because this is the average cost caregivers spend on their loved ones. Most of my clients do not believe this until I have them start keeping track. Picking up the "little things" at the grocery store, taking time to settle the unpaid medical bills, etc all add up. Make sure you have a copy of the will and all her assets and talk to her elder law attorney to stay in the loop. If she does not have one, go get one for you and your husband and talk to them about your mom's estate. You will be blown away by what you DON'T know. If you have siblings, do not expect them to help but be pleasantly surprised when they do. They may offer advice or even criticism but you must stay your course on what you think is the right decision for her. Unless someone walks in your shoes, they do not understand. 4) Living situations. Easy-peasy is great to start with. However, consider your exit strategy down the road. I have seen many a husband become lonely because more and more time is taken up by the aging senior and the wife feels guilty, exhausted, and depressed because she cannot keep up with all the "shoulds" in her life. Keep yourself first and your husband second. Get her consent now that when it is time for her to move, she will go happily and will be able to afford the care. Remember, it takes 31 people in assisted living per week to care for an aging senior. If or, when, this becomes too much, do you and your husband have the fortitude to move her? You will feel guilt. It is normal. It is healthy. It means you care for her. You wouldn't have guilt if you didn't care. If she balks at this, it is because she is scared of the unknown. Make sure her facility has a team in place to reassure her and acclimate her. Visit often at first until you are confident this is a healthy and safe environment for her. Keep a team of friends and family on speed dial to call when you need help in all of the above 4 categories. It is best to have at least 3-4 folks in each category ready to help so you do not burn out any one of them too quickly, especially your husband. It's good of you to do this. To all the caregivers out there - You are my heroes. I wish I could be there for each and every one of you every step of the way.

Don’t do it. Easy peasy will morph into complete utter dependence. You will also be expected to be 24/7 a slave. And no matter how disrespectful your students are there is a degree of satisfaction in doing a job outside of the home. There is also something to be said about the routine of going to a job. Everything is more valuable and precious when a person works outside the home. Sure not having a set schedule that one has to adhere to sounds wonderful but in the long run not having it, in my experience and opinion, is way more stressful and depressing. When you are in your house all day everyday it’s no longer your sanctuary. Someplace to go home to at the end of the day. Your home will become a place you want to get away from. You’ll become a slave to your mother and start to resent that and her. There are TONS of studies that prove working outside the home as long as you can extends a person’s life and mental acuity. There are also tons of studies that prove caregivers live shorter lives. I say don’t “reduce your financial footprint”. Instead find a nice facility for your mother to go to. And if you don’t feel you are reaching at least a few of your students get another job.

I hear that you are truly burnt out as a teacher and I understand and respect that.
Is it at all possible that you take a personal or family LEAVE and not just quit? That will give you time to know if you made the right decision.
That said, please be sure you can survive on the amount of money you will be receiving for care taking. I hope that any expenses you incur in care taking (car trips to doctors, shopping, medical supplies, medications, aids such as grab bars, better lighting, walker, personal alarm will be paid through Mom's insurance or her personal funds - not yours. Also realize if you quit you will lose any medical benefits for yourself, pension will be diminished, 401 will no longer grow, etc.
I took care of my mom, and she was a saint - so I know you are feeling this new venture will be a piece of cake. However, over time your responsibilities will grow as your mother's needs increase. Care taking can swallow you up over time so please take on the role with this awareness.
Last, many people who "retire" early often regret the lack of stimulation and decreased social interaction they now have. So I would advise that you be diligent in keeping up with outside interests and making sure to have time away with your loving supportive husband. Best of luck to you.

I would suggest that you consider more helpers in your plan - hired aides and/or volunteer help from family, friends, community of faith... Caregiving a senior rarely stays at the same level of care and usually becomes more complex and demanding as the senior ages. Consider that you will need time off each day and extended time off weekly/monthly to meet your own basic needs (health care, hygiene, time with spouse or children) and social needs (doing things you enjoy with others). You need enough helpers that know your mom's plan of care that they could take over if you had a major illness or injury.

I would also suggest that you and your husband look at your retirement plans - together and separately - to make sure you have enough resources for your senior years. Nobody considers that he or she will be the one that needs caretaking, but it is the reality for at least 75% of us. It might be wise to consult a financial planner (usually banks have reliable personnel) to help you with these assessments.

In the short term it might be better to get your mom into an adult day program while you care for her in the evenings. Please also consider if there are other schools or work situations you can move into that would be less stressful for yourself. State pensions should not be carelessly thrown aside.

Don't do it! It's a set up for what to come down the line! Unconsciously you are being set up for many years of misery. Those of us that are caregivers know what you're in for.......nothing is worth this!