We, my sister and I see her 4 to 5 times a week, make sure she has food, clean the house, wash clothing, change bedding, clean the cat box, dump the garbage, load her pill box, play games and visit for a few hours. She has a fall button and a gps to go with it. I would say this is adequate. I take her for a meal and out for rides when we aren’t quarantined. A lady who visited every day at lunch, a friend, told us she was going to quit coming because of the virus. I feel she enables my mother and is controlling and am not sure quite why she comes. She told us there are many kinds of abuse and she would be watching, when she left. I felt threatened and don’t really want her around. My mother does not want to go to a home at all. I’m not sure what to do. Since she decided not to come she leaves her used newspaper in the mailbox. I would rather she didn’t. My mother thinks she’s okay. I feel my hands are tied and if she wants to come she will. I think she’s got some mental problems because she loses her temper if things don’t go her way. I don’t want to run off my mother's friends. When my sister and I stepped up as we thought we should this friend got very demanding of us and texted constantly about mother's medicines and groceries. It was almost as if she were jealous that we stepped in, but wanted to control what we did. I’m just not sure how to handle this. My mother takes a thyroid and a small sleep aid daily. She may outlive me??? Very healthy. Any ideas? This friend doesn’t need to be there daily. We are good for the present but looking ahead I’m not sure what to do? It may resolve itself but I am thinking about this. If she is so worried about the virus why would she leave her newspaper, and constantly walk all over town??

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My MIL did the same thing. Blamed the wives. Saying it was always their side of the family. Which was true except for us. We lived in the same town and did as much with them as my parents. But I looked at it that her other sons had mouths and could speak up. The didn't.
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You are not neglecting your Mom, and have nothing to worry about there, no matter what this 'friend' is saying. Even so, can you increase your vigilance during the present time, and just throw the newspaper away?

Give no credence to her words. She has the problem, not you.
Have you thought to ask your Mom if she is at all bothered by this friend, coming at lunch so often? Or is your Mom providing this friend some much needed stability and companionship? It could be mutual? You could approach the subject by asking mom if she is feeding this friend daily, and is your presence there interferring with that?

As for the newspapers, provide a trash can (no lid), nearby the mailbox, and just drop all the newspapers in there, without an explanation.
When they pile up, and are visible, the friend may get the hint.
Can you get Mom her own newspaper delivered for awhile, just to stop this from going on?

The friend will not be doing any of this for much longer, as the signs and symptoms of decline are there. Wait, observe, and report to her family any concerns you have. She may be volatile, a danger to your Mom in the near future?

Mom can always refuse to let anyone in, due to the virus. Would she, at her age? This may solve any issues for now.

This all sounds very familiar. When my husband and I visited his mother, the neighbor (one she complained about) was invited over
by his mom.
Discovered the neighbor "knew who I was" (dread, what did she mean?); because his Mom had complained about me to the neighbor. (I was the one bringing hubs to visit his mom, but she complained that the daughters-in-law had kept her sons from visiting, huh?). Can't win.

Keep up the great caregiving, and enjoy your Mom. Now is not the time to have her in any facility with the virus locking you out. She may be better off aging at home. imo.
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