My FIL is unable to stand to get on/off the toilet. What happens next?


My FIL is wheelchair bound and in an ALF, but comes to our house often. He's had incontinence for at least a year, but was able to stand to pee. Now he can no longer stand to transfer to the toilet at all. We've asked him to sit, but he no longer will point himself at the toilet bowl. He refuses and says he doesn't need to. He wears Depends, but lordy those things only work for light accidents, despite saying they're for "heavy" use. My question is this, what happens now? It's not like we can stand him up, pull down his pants, and get a urinal in place before he has an accident. He seldom knows he has to go to the bathroom before it's nearly too late. Also, he and my husband are both embarrassed by the entire thing. What do folks do with wheelchair bound folks when they come visit?

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Could try raised bedside commode somewhere with more accessibility than bathroom
There are also absorbent inserts you can use that make cleaning easy. If you use
absorbent underwear (diapers) that attach at sides that can help a lot as well.

The reminder thing is key. Every two hours at least. And yes it's quite a production
even with cooperative parent. My dad might be a narcissist and quite a pill sometimes,
but I'm thankful he's cooperative about toileting. It's hard enough as it is.

Also adaptive clothing with velcro or elastic is nice. I used to have to deal with buttons
zippers, regular underwear, etc. Took forever. Also there are some pricey absorbant
underwear that help when you just cant get there in time. Those are great when you
take a trip out in public.

Good luck!!! You just have to keep trying stuff until you find the right combo. Everyone
is different.
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Reply to bettina

After her disabling stroke, I transferred my mother to a commode using a hoist. You arrange the sling strategically so that it allows for toileting, that bit is reasonably straightforward.

But it was quite a performance anyway, and here's the thing - she was co-operating. How you would manage it with a gentleman who wasn't keen, sheesh. No idea.

What about one of those hospital bottles, the sort they use for bed bound patients? Would he consider using those?
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Reply to Countrymouse

There are much more absorbent (and more expensive) products available than Depends. I changed to Abena Abri-Flex M3. LOVE them. I also make sure DH get appropriate hydration, but not excess. He would drink gallons every day otherwise.
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Reply to jjariz

I’ve been considering a catheter for my husband too and will bring it up with his PCP in August. I was told here that there is one called a “Supra pubic” one that is surgically placed right above the pubic bone, not into the urethra. Posters said this causes much less infection. Hubby is bedridden and suffers from awful skin breakouts, beyond rashes. I’m sure there is some sort of way to prevent him from removing the catheter.

When we were dealing with my FIL, I purchased a bag of cleaning towels from Lowe’s, fairly cheap. When my husband and son would get Dad ready to use the toilet, one would hold a towel over his groin. That way, everything and everyone stayed dry.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Thanks Amijoy! Yes, at the ALF, they take him every two hours. We do at home as well, but it's a chore and like your hubby, FIL 'power washes' the bathroom. We've try to have the folks at the ALF take Dad to the bathroom before he comes over and that works reasonably well most of the time.
I think Dad and everyone around him would be much happier if he used a catheter, but I understand that they are prone to infections and honestly Dad is far enough along in his dementia that he'd probably remove it anyway.
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Reply to Ceecee65

Hi, Ceecee. I understand how you feel. My FIL was in the same situation. It took 3 people to get him situated in our bathroom. Because your FIL doesn’t recognize that he has to go, even a lift wouldn’t work since time is of the essence. What do they do at AL? Put him in the toilet regularly? That’s hard to do when he visits.

First of all, he and his son need to work on their embarrassment. I know that’s difficult. However, it’s a fact of life now. It helps to not concentrate too much on the task at hand. Talk about baseball, football, whatever FIL’s interests are or were. Have FIL sit rather than stand. Bring a walker for him to hang onto or invest in a raised seat with hand grips that attaches to the regular seat. It took me forever to get my hubby to sit, and even when he did, he still power washed the bathroom. Diapers were our only choice.

There are lots of different choices for diapers. Depends aren’t my favorite either. Hubby is like Niagara Falls. I put a pad inside his incontinence briefs at night. He still is marinating in pee in the morning. I like Tena. Wal-Mart is about the cheapest. You can also go high end and get some specialty ones I’ve only seen online. Make sure Dad wears sweatpants or other pants with an elastic waist. The pull-on kind of briefs require his pants be taken off to be changed.

All in all, it’s just another difficult fact of life. Tell Hubby you understand how he feels about changing his father’s briefs (remember not to call them “diapers” to Dad’s face. This adds to everyone’s embarrassment.) but the only other choice is not to bring Dad out and that would be a shame. Business-like, kind and matter-of-fact is the way to go. Do what has to be done, don’t dwell on it and then get back to your wonderful visit.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Hi Ceecee. i don't know the answer to your question. But until I do, i won't bring home anyone with that problem until I know how to handle it first.

Perhaps, you can ask the nurse at his ALF for their recommendations. Other posters should come along with answers for you.
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Reply to polarbear