My husband was diagnosed with and died from brain cancer 17 months after diagnosis at age 53. For him it was a rapid downward slide, and there was no way he/we could have managed without substantial assistance. Does your dad understand his diagnosis? Maybe he just wants to be kept comfortable? There is no way you can do this, and realistically, he needs more help than home aide care.
It will become more about arranging what your Dad needs, while adhearing to his wishes where you can. When his wishes are possible, when they increase his comfort & care.
There will be hard decisions ahead of you. Sometimes in these very emotional times it is useful to have a common sense friend or partner to bounce ideas off. Support for you is very important too.
Regarding the home help.. Would Dad accept a 'cleaning lady'? An experienced aide can sometimes earn trust as 'the cleaner' while they slowly increase their tasks. Cleaning up. Then making lunch. Later helping dress & wash.
Is the plan to keep him in his home as long as possible? Does he understand accepting a little help will allow him to do this for longer?
You should make sure that he understands that his refusal to accept hired help DOES NOT obligate you to step in and prop him up.
He can decide what he is willing to do and you have the same choices. You are not a child that needs to listen and obey your dad's every command.
Make sure that he fully understands what you will and will not do and then stick to it. Don't cross your boundaries one time or you will ruin it. He will see that you mean what you told him, only if you do what you told him. This is the only way I know that will create change in these situations.
It is difficult to step back and watch someone fail. Especially when they have such a dire diagnosis. You really need to decide what you are willing to do for him and have a very frank discussion or two about what your role will be. Difficult to do but, you will be able to remain his supportive daughter and not become resentful that he is hijacking your life because he doesn't want to accept help from other sources. It is unfair for a parent to place the care of themselves all on their children.
Why is he refusing it?
Is he living alone in his house?
He can decide what he is willing to do and you have the same choices. You are not a child that needs to listen and obey your dad's every command."
YES YES YES! Does he not want hired health because YOU are expected to be the help? PLEASE realize that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE CAREGIVER.
You are already overwhelmed, according to your profile.
Where does he live?
It will become more about arranging what your Dad needs, while adhearing to his wishes where you can. When his wishes are possible, when they increase his comfort & care.
There will be hard decisions ahead of you. Sometimes in these very emotional times it is useful to have a common sense friend or partner to bounce ideas off. Support for you is very important too.
Regarding the home help.. Would Dad accept a 'cleaning lady'? An experienced aide can sometimes earn trust as 'the cleaner' while they slowly increase their tasks. Cleaning up. Then making lunch. Later helping dress & wash.
Is the plan to keep him in his home as long as possible? Does he understand accepting a little help will allow him to do this for longer?
He can decide what he is willing to do and you have the same choices. You are not a child that needs to listen and obey your dad's every command.
Make sure that he fully understands what you will and will not do and then stick to it. Don't cross your boundaries one time or you will ruin it. He will see that you mean what you told him, only if you do what you told him. This is the only way I know that will create change in these situations.
It is difficult to step back and watch someone fail. Especially when they have such a dire diagnosis. You really need to decide what you are willing to do for him and have a very frank discussion or two about what your role will be. Difficult to do but, you will be able to remain his supportive daughter and not become resentful that he is hijacking your life because he doesn't want to accept help from other sources. It is unfair for a parent to place the care of themselves all on their children.