My mom has dementia for several years now, she is 86 and my dad is 90. They live alone and I travel 45 minutes to help them every other day. This has gone on for the past 2 years with my visits going from once a week to every other day. My mom refuses to have any in home care so it all falls on me to do all their cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. My mom refuses showers and doesn't get up to use the bathroom, she just sits and goes in her pants because frankly she is too lazy to get up and use the toilet. My dad does EVERYTHING for her. She has no trouble getting up when I have dinner ready! The day before yesterday she had diarrhea after dinner and it was all over the just washed sheets and blanket and all over the back of her nightgown. She sat in her chair and refused to get up so I could clean her up!!! I just showered her earlier and she refused another shower. Needless to say it was quite the fight to get her back in to clean her up. I stayed and washed everything again and wanted to be sure she didn't have another episode. I knew my dad would get little sleep that night because of worry. I've talked to her Dr several times about needing help but when he brings it up to her, she flat out refuses and he backs down. I need help, they need help. How can I get it when they refuse and they would be the ones paying for it?? I'm on disability myself and I am getting worse and worse myself, health wise. I had one lady come out from a home health care agency to talk to them but my mom was very rude to her and told her to leave. What can I do if they refuse in home care??? I'm slowly dying mentally and physically over this as is my angel of a dad. Help!!!!!