My Dad's recovery is miraculous. However, he failed the Fit to Drive test with next step 'behind the wheel' test with DMV. This was in NJ. Fast forward, move to Florida. He wants to get his FL license and not tell them he failed the test in NJ and not take the behind the wheel test. I have tried to reason with him about safety, etc. He need to establish residency to get his FL license - 6 months... so I've got a little time. Any ideas on how to persuade him to do what's right. He is doing so much better now, he might pass the behind the wheel test. I am not comfortable with him driving without passing that test.

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DO NOT have him on your insurance! You're opening yourself up to an unbelievable level of liability, especially if he decides to blow off the whole license thing and drive anyway. If he has a valid NJ license, he can drive now, so you're really taking a huge chance.

Aside from the obvious "you might kill a child" argument, Dad could lose everything in one good injury or wrongful death lawsuit. (So could you with him on your insurance.) Plus, if your insurance company finds out you've deceived them in any way, they won't cover you and will cancel your policy.

In short, it's your duty to inform Florida that Dad needs to be thoroughly tested before any license is issued, and his doctor should also be notified and asked to OK his driving (or not).
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to MJ1929

You need to inform the FL licensing authorities yourself. Otherwise you will be a party to his very foolish course of action, which leaves you little choice: tell him if there's any corner cutting, you rat (proudly, with your head held high).

Tell him not to ruin his chances of resuming his normal life by going too fast too soon. If he does things by the book then God willing he'll be back on the road, legal, and above all safe for himself and others.
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Reply to Countrymouse
VeronicaB Oct 27, 2021
You are right Countrymouse - I need to be the rat. LOL Thank you He is often going too fast too soon and then has a set back. Totally blames himself. I'll remind him of that.
This may sound harsh, but please consider reporting him to the police and DMV in Florida. Ask them to require he take the written test and behind the wheel test. If he can not pass in Florida, he will be safe and so will the other people on the road.
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Reply to Taarna
rovana Oct 28, 2021
Thank you! Thank you! I believe you have saved some innocent lives. By all means report to the FL DMV. A driver's license is a privilege not a right and the safety of innocent people is truly more important than dad's feelings.
When my Dad was alive he was legally blind but still thought he could drive. Because he could see shadows. I tried everything to persuade him to stop finally out of frustration I told him if he got in the car and drove again I would call the police and have him arrested for endangering the welfare of others. He didn’t speak yo me for a while but he never drove again.
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Reply to Charlie714

Idk if what my brother and I did was the best way to go about addressing that same situation, but we told Dad (who was 88 with AD) that his hip doctor (his most recent surgery at that time) forbid him from driving and was unable to change that due to state regulations. Dad was really chapped and demoralized b/c it’s a huge loss of independence, but he accepted it. Neither I nor my brother wanted to be the bad guy. We remained supportive and showed Dad other means available to get places. He wasn’t thrilled, but accepted it. We also sold his car so he could get top dollar for it- or that’s what we told him to make that happen. Dad always wanted to get a good deal! A bit deceitful, but necessary. Dad couldn’t look backward, wasn’t aware like he should be and was to the point of endangering himself & others behind the wheel. At that point it’s not about feelings, it’s about responsibility and safety! Good luck!!
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Reply to DadsGurl

You certainly have your hands full. From your profile, you state that you moved your parents into your home 6 months ago. How is that working out?

You've gotten great advice from others about NOT allowing your father to get a FL license and to take him OFF your insurance.

I hope you didn't give up a job to be the fulltime caregiver for your parents!
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Reply to CTTN55

My answer may not be popular but :
Think hungry lawyers. If there is any accident, injury or death caused by the driver there is any number of hungry lawyers waiting to empty all your savings, and all your / his estate in a wrongful injury death suit.
Once they search all driving records and DMV records they will subpeonea his past medical and driving records to present their clients need to the jury for deliberation. If he has a failed test and a good lawyers finds it you're done. They can sue to take all he has. And may find you negligent.
Check with your family attorney asap.
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Reply to Patti2021

At the moment Dad is not wanting to accept the loss of driving, this big loss to his independence.

You have time as you say - good. A lot can happen in 6 months. Dad may get used to Taxi/Uber/Senior bus & adjust well to not driving. Especially if living in a senior friendly area - many will be similar. So wait & see.

Your profile mentions your Mother has Vascular Dementia - so you know about that. Be aware the risk of VD is increased with stroke. Memory can be good - but it can sneak up in other areas like planning, judgement & spacial awareness (& you need all those for driving).

Is it IL or AL he is moving to?
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Beatty

i agree with you. What if he kills someone or their child…. Or himself?? He’s being selfish asking you to lie for him . Sorry…. Just say NO
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Reply to Katefalc

VeronicaB, it is not rational for him to think he can drive safely when it was already proven by his failing the NJ test, therefore please don't waste your breath trying to "discuss" anything with him.

I had to report my elderly aunt who is a FL resident. I had her driver's license number and other info. I reported it online (anonymously) and wrote a letter with specific info outlining why she should no longer be driving. In her case she was sent a letter to appear at the DMV to retake tests. My idiot cousin drove her to the appointment. When she failed the eye exam right off the bat they asked her how she got there, and said her nephew drove her. They did not re-issue her license and to this day she and her co-pilot sister do not know who reported her...and they are still angry about it! My aunt not only had double-vision, but triple vision!

In another instance, my elderly uncle (93) was driving himself and his cancer-survivor wife in the late afternoon and he went through a red light and was t-boned, which killed his wife and dog. Luckily the victims in the other car were not seriously hurt. His children could have reported him prior or removed his car but were cowards.

You are in the moral and ethical position of knowingly allowing an impaired person to drive and you are in the best position to prevent him. Please do it. Remove his car so he won't be tempted to drive it. Don't tell him this is what you plan to do or when you will do it, it will just cause more drama than necessary. Remove the car and tell him it's in the shop for large, expensive repairs. Tell him whatever "therapeutic fib" is necessary to keep the peace as long as possible.

You can cover over the loss by arranging rides for them through services or friends, neighbors, relatives or hiring a companion aid from an agency. Please do the right thing, even though it will feel hard. You having to face the family of someone he hurt, maimed or killed would be way harder.
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Reply to Geaton777

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