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My 78 year old MIL has always lived by herself and has been very independent. Unfortunately, over the past year things have started to change. She has fallen three times, she has burned her arm while cooking and she has caused two car accidents. I feel like her decline is happening slowly and nothing has been drastic enough to move her to AL. She has no desire to move anywhere and she refuses any offer of help. However, I feel that the next incident may be the one to prevent her from living alone anymore and I will be scrambling to find her a place to go. My question is can I look into AL before she actually needs it and make some type of 'reservation' or is it more often an emergency situation? Thank you for any advice.

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The two of you can make an appt to have lunch at a bunch of Assisted Living facilities.

The nice ones near me have wonderful food and chefs on-site.

Your MIL might be willing to go along with these low-pressure visits.

Many places have tours on their websites, as well. Another way to give her an idea of how lovely they can be.
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Ellen92, welcome to the forum. Your Mom is only 2 years old than I am. Stuff happens as we age, let's not over think the situation.

People of all ages can trip and fall. I tripped over my cat who is like a 4 legged Zoomba coming out of no where. People of all ages can accidentally burn themselves while cooking. I remember when I was a child, my Mom would put butter on a burn.

As for the car accidents, what was your Mom doing when the accidents happened? I see people of all ages using their cellphones while driving. I remember seeing a woman trying to turn at a stop light while holding a cell in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

I assume your Mom is able to dress herself? Bathe herself? Cooking for herself? Do cleaning and grocery shopping? If yes, then she wouldn't qualify for Assisted Living. She's not ready. She would be able to go into Independent Living at a senior facility. It would cost her around $5k-$7k per month, depending on her area. Your Mom could easily live for another 15-20 years.

Just food for thought.
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Cp31979 Jan 2023
??? Individual is falling and burning themselves and u advise that since they could live a deal longer they aren’t ready for Assisted Living??? Disagree!!!!
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Slow decline??? It sounds like your mil needed Assisted Living long ago! If you wait for an emergency to happen, it may be Skilled Nursing she's accepted into and AL will be bypassed entirely, which would be a sad situation. An elder does not need "drastic" conditions to move into AL, just enough common sense to realize they can no longer live alone, cook, clean, or care for a home by themselves.

You may want to have that talk with her while she's able to make decisions for herself, and before that choice is taken away from her by others! It's always best to make a change willingly than to be forced. AL is a great experience, by the way, for those elders fortunate enough to be able to afford it. My folks has a great lifestyle in AL for a number of years before dad passed and eventually mom moved into Memory Care Assisted Living, which is a horse of another color.

Check some ALs out yourself, but I know of none that take reservations for a future unknown move in date, unless there's a waitlist you can put MILs name on.

Good luck to you.
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Ellen92 Jan 2023
Thank you so much for answering my question. I agree that she should already be in a ALF. I am just at a loss of what to do next because she won't even entertain the possibility. She emotionally shuts down and starts to cry. I think I will start looking into some places and hopefully if she can take a tour and realizes how nice some of the places are, she will be open to making a change. Thank you again for your kind and helpful response.
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You should certainly start touring AL facilities. I am not sure you can 'reserve' a place for any long term.
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