My 82 year old mother had a catastrophic stroke 4 months ago which left her paralyzed, with a feeding tube and cognitive decline. Before the stroke, she was taking care of herself while we shared an apartment.
I am 48 years old with a terminal cancer diagnosis, am on dialysis three times a week and have limited mobility. I am her POA, only child as well as her only living relative.
She, unbeknownst to me, failed to keep important documentation such as bank records, medical records, retirement/SS records. It took me two months, after her stroke, just to find the POA, advanced directive, etc. for the SNF.
Because of this, I have been unable to file for Medicaid because I’ve no supporting documentation and I was told by SNF she would be denied Medicaid because small pension/SS payments put her over the income limit. SNF says a Qualified Income Trust is the only option. They gave me only two weeks to get it in place.
Not only am I completely ignorant of the process, I have been unable to find an attorney who does Medicaid, or a Medicaid planner, in my area to help in the allotted time given. I’ve called everyone and I either get no response or I’m told they do not do such work.
Because of her condition, we lost our apartment, leased vehicle and belongings. I have been homeless/relying on friends to help me get care for my own needs. I only receive a small Social Security disability income.
The SNF is going to start eviction process soon. Not only is it unsafe for her to return to a home that no longer exists, but she requires complete care. She cannot sit up on her own, toilet herself, walk, and will not accept that she will never eat again. She has already aspirated after eating another resident’s food she somehow got a hold of. She’s asked for the police and a psychiatrist.
When I visit all she will talk about is being suicidal. I am at a complete loss as to what to do and what will happen to me because I am incompetent myself to be her POA with what little information she left me.
I don’t really have a question, but I’m looking for some insight and appreciate anyone who reads this.
I hate to lose my mother to the system; prided myself on being able to care for her before this disaster. But hands are tied and reality is neither of us can continue.
Thank you for your kindness. This is such a great resource forum with lots of kind people.
I’ll update as I go along.
I called APS and they got on it right away although they didn’t offer much help. They put me in touch with someone who could do a QIT but I’ve been unable to get a hold of him.
On the other hand, a friend of mine found an attorney who is basically doing the QIT for and extremely discounted cost and a new power of attorney is being appointed. We have the month to get it done before she is evicted. But help was found after many prayers. Thank you to everyone for your help. There might be a chance to save my mom. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I had nowhere to turn to and you all gave me hope. Thank you so much.
You admit here to us that you are helpless and unable to understand or know what to do.
It is time to tell the discharge planners at the SNF that you cannot act as your mother's POA because you are to qualified to do so, and because you are ill.
Same day place a call to APS to tell them what you have told us. Tell them your mom is being evicted and is an elder at risk with nowhere to go and that you aren't qualified enough or well enough to act as her POA.
Do know that while this SNF can bring in the state to take guardianship of mom (which they SHOULD DO) they cannot put her out in the streets unsafely. Let them know that you are not qualified and they must contact the state for guardianship.
Have you asked the facility's social worker to help you with all this? And if you are not capable of being your moms POA(which it sounds like you aren't)then I would just call APS(Adult Protective Services)this morning and explain the situation and let them take over your moms care from here on out.
Dealt with one that was definitely on the facility's side who took great pride in offering no assistance when facility lost the appeal to evict with no 30 day discharge notice and planning. He didn't even arrange for a ride from the facility, even though it was no cost to them.
I think you need to talk to the lawyer that did the documents for you to be POA and tell them that you can no longer be her POA, you are unable to fulfill the requirements due to YOUR health. Ask that the Court appoint a Guardian that can make decisions for mom.
You might even contact your local Senior Service Center and ask if they have a Social Worker that you can talk to that can help get this going.
OR
Go to the Court House and ask if there are any lawyers you might be able to talk to. (there is usually a Law Library that has paralegals that might help.)
As to the facility where mom is.
They can not discharge her unless there is a safe place she can go. Since you have no residence now they can not discharge her to you. Not to mention you probably are not physically able to care for her. If they do discharge her it would be to the hospital for some "reason" and then the hospital would be responsible for her discharge...sounds like a merry-go-round!
I would involve social services for that county, and maybe even an ombudsman.
Thinking of you and please keep us posted if you can.
See All Answers