Mother had a massive stroke 4 months ago. Anyone else experience this?

After an evaluation, the assisted living place where my father is a resident, decided they couldn't handle my mother's needs. I am moving them both to an assisted living facility that offers different levels of care and can handle her. I am not completely impressed with the facility - bathrooms aren't truly handicapped accessible, they have a community bathroom with a large shower and toilets down the hall, the rooms look like dorm rooms, and the facility is old and not updated in all areas. My father (had a stroke 10 years ago) walks slowly and laboriously with a cane. Their room is at the end of a long hall as far away from the dining room as possible. I'm concerned that he will want a wheelchair as has happened in the past, and lose his strength with walking. Otherwise, he will probably avoid going down for meals. There is only one other place where they could go. It is $3000 a month more, is a much prettier facility, but they never got in touch with me after I paid their $2900 deposit to let me know when a room was available and my mother leaves the rehab hospital on Wednesday. I am exhausted visiting each of them in 2 different facilities each day. Neither of them are going to be happy, but at least I can just go to one place. They both want to be at my house. I just don't see any way to care for my mom there and my dad would drive us all crazy. After caring for him for 2 1\2 months in his home in another state while my mother was in the nursing home, i developed almost continual heart palpitations and shortness of breath which has led to all sorts of heart tests for me. I also have a 15 year old that i homeschool who has developed an eating disorder and weighs 89 pounds from the stress of the last 5 months. It seems that even though i devote time every day to my parents, they are never truly happy or feel lifted up.

As everyone has said all strokes are different as is the recovery or lack of it. very often another massive stroke will follow which will be the final one. Much of the possible recovery will depend on the willpower of the patient. Whatever happens any recovery will be slow.It sounds as though your mother's cognitive difficulties will be a major impediment. She just will not understand what she needs to do so protect yourself and don't take on the caregiver roll.

Just want to say my heart goes out to all of u who care for and even concerned for your parents best interest .my heart breaks a lil more each day for my mum xx bless u all stay strong n take care .

I'm so sorry to hear this. My mother had three strokes from clots that she mostly recovered from and then a huge stroke that was a bleed, or hemorrhagic stroke. It took away literally all her abilities physically, but left her mentally fine. She couldn't walk, initially could talk with difficulty but lost that over time, couldn't read, couldn't do anything for herself. She eventually couldn't eat at all and was tube fed. Yet was mentally intact and completely aware of it all. Had to be in diapers because she couldn't get herself to a bathroom or tell anyone she needed to go. This went on for four years. I spent those four years trying to think of another alternative than the nursing home but couldn't find an option. My dad was elderly himself, I was raising children, and she could literally do nothing to help in her care. It's the most cruel thing I've ever witnessed. We believe there continued to be small strokes and she died after four awful years. We did the therapy extensively after the big stroke but she was eventually dismissed from it due to not being able to progress. I remember the therapists apologizing to us, saying she'd tried so hard but her abilities were just lost and not coming back despite all efforts. The docs told us whatever she was going to get back, she would regain within a year. Sadly for us, we saw more of a slow decline. I apologize that my answer isn't more positive. I do think it's important to be prepared for all scenarios. I hope yours will be better.

Tonya50: You're lucky your mother survived the stroke. You didn't say what type of stroke it was. My late mother had an ischemic stroke at the NH that they were kicking her out of. She deceased. My daughter's FIL had a 7 centimeter hemorrhagic, yes, CENTIMETER stroke. He was given an on-purpose lethal dose or morphine because he was going to die and did decease. My cousin's live-in boyfriend's mother had a stroke, but survived. She lives in an Assisted Living in St. Petersburg, FL and has wrecked havoc on the lives of my cousin and her boyfriend (the stroke victim's son) ever since (since February 7, 2012)...she wanted to move to large unit, told her son he was fat, told my cousin she wasn't nice, made their vacations with her intolerable to the extent OF NO MORE VACATIONS with her, et al.

My father had several strokes, and recovered from each, until the last stroke which was severe. He was paralyzed completely on one side of his body. He remained bedbound at home where my mother solely performed all caretaker duties. He lived in the bed for three years before passing away. He enjoyed food, company, music, the radio talk shows, and books on tape. The dementia eventually progressed to severe, and as the Irish say, "friends and family disappear like the morning dew". From then on, the books on tape were his best companions. God bless my mother who is a saint. He was one of five family members she cared for in her home over the years. I am in good health and am caring for my wife in our home, and have learned first hand the degree of challenge involved in being a caregiver. After my wife became bedbound, I hired a home health aide to help her.

Whether your mother will recover from her stroke is dependent on the degree of damage. All stroke sufferers are different. Give the rehab community "carte blanche" to do a "full court press" to help her. You will soon learn if improvement is possible. If not, then full time caregiving at home or at a skilled nursing facility will be necessary. A person who needs "assisted living" would not be capable of caregiving for a stroke victim who is bedbound.

I was the caregiver for a man who had a massive stroke. Left side near the back.
It left him with near total right side neglect...meaning, his brain could not even conceive that there was a right side to the world. He was unable to read or see anything completely (there was no right side to anything).

He also could not walk. Also no strength or control on his right side. In the beginning he was placed into a machine that held his weight while he learned to move his legs. Slowly the machine increased the weight he had to carry. In 6 months he could walk with a walker and someone on the gait belt at all times. In 3 years he was able to walk with the walker and no one holding him. The process was very slow. He never got the right side of the world back

At 4 years a heart attack took him.

Hopefully this won't happen with your mom, but there's a good chance it will, unfortunately, she is at a higher risk for dementia (9 times compared to those that don't have one, 1 in 4 who have had a stroke develop signs dementia within a year)

When my MIL lost the left side, the AL could not take her back. She went from rehab to long term care status in the facility she was in.