Mother and brother are siding with one another and are making me the bad guy. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Mother and brother are siding with one another and are making me the bad guy. Any advice?

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Can my brother who has mental health and drug issues take my mother out of the care home that I placed her in? I have POA AND MEDICAL DIRECTIVE AND AM TRUSTEE ON HER PROPERTY. SHE HAS TWO LETTERS FROM HER DR'S STATING SHE CAN NO LONGER MAKE DECISIONS. SHE HAS SOME DEMENTIA AND CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HERSELF PROPERLY. I have been making sure in the last two years (without brother's help) THAT ALL OF HER NEEDS ARE MET. MEDICATION, DR'S APPOINTMENTS, PAYING HER BILLS, PREPARING MEALS etc. My brother is feeling threatened as she has property in Mendocino where he has has lived rent free for over 40 years. I told him we may have to sell it in order to afford the care home. He has never paid taxes or homeowners or rent. He refuses to talk to me, I have asked him to start looking for a place to live and to find work. I am afraid my mother will leave with him if she could. She has told me she feels like a prisoner at the care home and is threatening to run away. The ladies that are in the care-home including my mother go out to lunch, sometimes go to church, meals are prepared, all personal needs such as her medications, showering, depends, dressing, laundry are being taken care of. My mother is telling my brother that I have put her there as punishment. He has no idea just how difficult and demanding it was to take care of her prior to her going into the care home. My brother can barely take care of himself does not have a washer or dryer, lives in a 500 sq ft cabin with 8 dogs. My mother thinks he will take care of her. I think they are both in La La Land.

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I agree with Ahmijoy, first and foremost I would talk to the care home manager and Director of Nursing and explain that you feel that your mom would be in danger if she were to leave with your brother, and make sure that they have a copy of the POA and medical directive on file if they don't already.

Second, I would contact an attorney for advice on how to protect your mom and properly manage her affairs and property as to being able to pay for her care. Guardianship may be the best avenue to take, but with the POA in place it may not be necessary. The attorney might recommend filing a protective order and/or eviction proceedings as well.
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Reply to FrazzledMama
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Thank you Isthisrealyreal.... I sometimes feel so bad when I go in the garage and see all of my mothers 100's of photos of herself when she sang or got dressed up... she is in such good care, this is what I try to remember.
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Reply to QUITbeatingyou
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Yep, what ahmiijoy said. You have the power with those Dr letters, she can rant and rave but you now get to legally make all of her care decisions.

Stand strong and ignore your brother, he has shown who and what he is.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Just my opinion, but if you have POA and your brother takes Mom out of the Care home, wouldn’t that be kidnapping? If she has dementia, she cannot make decisions on her own to leave. Have you spoken to the manager of the Care home and told them that under no circumstances is Mom to leave with your brother? As for the home where your brother is living, see a lawyer and start eviction proceedings.
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