My mother's favorite has always been my older sister. My sister lived with my mother for almost thirty years. I married had three children and a career. During that time my sister never paid mom any money toward bills. I divorced and became persona nongrata in my mom's eyes. My ex was mom's secondary emergency contact and I was written out of the will. My sister was mom's caretaker. Mom lived in a house that had mice throughout it and it was filthy. When I would try to intervene I was told to stay out of it. Mom didn't want to upset my sister.
Mom lost most of her eyesight due to macular degeneration and during this time my sister took over as her POA. My sister became a hoarder and used mom's money and charge cards to feed her habit. My sister was on SS disability because she didn't take her insulin and had a diabetic sore that wouldn't heal. Her doctor deemed that she was not able to work. In December my sister had a massive stroke. She is now a permenant resident in nursing home. She has her cognitive abilities but there weakness on her right side.
Mom is 89 and can't care for herself. She reluctantly came to live with me. When mom moved in with me she told me that my sister would yell at her for bring incontinent. She apologizes for everything. I tell her that she is 89 and she does not have to apologize for anything.
Mom is not pleasant to be around. I don't seem to do anything right for her. My sister is all she cares about. Mom doesn't act mean to me when other people are around. She doesn't now or ever has seen how unfair she has been to me.
My sister calls mom from the nursing home. Whenever she does mom gets very agitated and takes it out on me. Mom's BP keeps dropping. She had fallen and was in the hospital a week. I tried to talk to my sister about calling and upsetting mom. I told her that mom hasn't felt well and was in the hospital. She got on the phone when I left and screamed at my mom for not telling her about being sick. Mom's BP went down to 79/48. Her BP is telemeded everyday. The visiting nurse called me to find out what was going on. Hoe do I explain that my crazy sister is making mom sick?
I have had to block the nursing home number. I'm afraid if my sister calls while I am at work and screams at mom again it could kill her. Mom's response is that she is my daughter too. Mom is mad at me all the time now.
I am not coping very well with any of this. I am appalled with what my sister did to my mom. I'm angry at my mom for the way she continues to treat me. I'm livid for being placed behind my ex in her life. I'm angry that I don't have a life anymore.
I know I should let it roll off me. I can't let it go. I feel like I am losing it. There is no one but me to take care of her. I don't know what to do. How do I get past having a mother who doesn't care about me? How do put this anger aside?