My Mom, within the past five months, has gone to three medical appointments that did not exist on those dates at those places. For one, she drove to an optometrist, which was closed, when she actually had an appointment at the hospital for a CT scan. For the second, she drove to her local provider’s office where she was not scheduled when her appointment was actually for the rescheduled CT scan at the hospital in another town. The third time was a week ago when she again drove to her local provider but was not scheduled for an appointment there at all.
I also noticed yesterday that she has not reordered checks for her checking account. I had shown her the reorder page in her checkbook two months ago but she is still out of checks and seems to be either unable to order them or unwilling to.
On Saturday she purchased four bouquets of flowers for gifts and left them laying in a dish rack without any water, I found them on Sunday and cut the stems back and put them in a vase to try to save them. She has no idea why she didn’t put them in water on Saturday.
Last Friday, we went for a drive, and at the restaurant drive through, she watched a man in a van order and then said, “The man in the big thing just gave his recipe.” Then she said “gave his menu”. I suggested that the word might be “order” and she said yes, that’s it. On the same trip we went to a nursery to pick out plants. She walked over to the creeping phlox and said, “Look how beautiful these are, I have these growing between the stones in my walkway.” They were beautiful but the problem is that she has Johnny jump ups growing between the stones and has had them for decades. She doesn’t have any creeping phlox at all and they are not even similar except for being used as ground cover.
My Dad bought her a cell phone for Christmas and I helped get it set up and put in all of her contact numbers so that she could choose by name who she wanted to call plus showed her how to make a call and how to access the internet. She tried it maybe twice and put it back in the box and just won’t use it. Again, I don’t know whether she had trouble using it or just refuses to use it. She won’t say. It was purchased so that when out she would have a way to contact people, especially in an emergency.
Am I worrying for no reason? She has not been diagnosed with any memory care issues but when at the appointment to have a check up for just that, she told the doctor that she only got confused about one appointment but in reality it was three. The doctor said that mixing up one appointment is not an issue. So the doctor doesn’t even know about the rest of it. My Dad is mad at me for being concerned. He just says that she’s forgetful. I just don’t know.

Her behavior needs further evaluation. If it were just one example of confusion or forgetfulness, it might be chalked up to normal aging, but these are way too many instances to ignore. Your dad's describing her behavior as simple forgetfulness is an understatement. This is not normal aging. You say the doctor doesn't know the whole story and he said that one missed appt is nothing to worry about. Why was she scheduled for a CT to begin with? What suspicion was her doctor trying to validate or discount? She cannot go to her appts by herself for the reason you mentioned, she'll minimize any problems she's having. Document your observations and accompany her to her appts.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to sjplegacy

Of course you are right about things and the others don't see it. I didn't understand my mother's decline when it happened to her and my dad just quietly took over tasks she had always done like keep up on the finances. If no one else agrees with you the choices are up to you....keep after it with medical help, or back off and let the chips fall where they may. Can you get another relative go with you if you can get your parents to a neurologist? That might open their eyes. In any case, do the best you can without allowing the situation to do damage to yourself.
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Reply to vegaslady

It sounds to me as though your mom may have had a stroke and is now having word finding difficulties.

Write down all of the stuff you've told us and send it to the doctor. Try to accompany mom to her next appointment so you can give correct information.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Are you serious? Of course she has a problem. So does your dad if he doesn't think this is a problem. Write this all down for the doctor ( for both parents) and ask him for referrals to a neurologist. Then get the appointments made and see that they get there.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to vegaslady
Stilltired May 11, 2021
Of course I’m serious. It’s not just my Dad that thinks I’ve overblown this, my sister and other family think it as well. But none of those with opinions actually do any meaningful helping, just occasional visits when the mood strikes them. They won’t listen to me and they downplay everything. They see it as Mom being Mom. She has a history of occasionally saying the wrong words. But driving to appointments that do not exist or do not exist where she’s driven to is new. As is thinking that a creeping phlox is a Johnny jump up.
She also stopped taking her heart medication for six months because she said that the cardiologist told her to stop. I questioned her about it and she was adamant that he said her procedure was enough, she didn’t need the medication anymore. When I took her back for a recheck at six months, he was astounded that she had stopped it as he had never told her to. She’s back on it but I check all of the time because her behavior is sometimes so strange.
I know that memory issues can also be caused by stress, (my Dad is 100% disabled and she does pretty much all of the household things plus takes care of him with some assistance from us), and and that some of her refusals to do certain things like order checks or try to use her cell phone could be caused by other things such as depression. She also barks at me when I ask her about things, like why do I always have to bring these things up.
So, yes, I am serious as I seem to be the only one concerned.
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