Is there a way to get my Mom to talk about something other than all the things that are wrong?

These are all such good answers. I'm not an expert but here's my take. One aspect to consider is the reaction she's looking for. All people engage in conversation because they crave a certain reaction whether pleasant or unpleasant. It takes skill to handle the person who craves an unpleasant reaction. This craving may also need some medication to thwart it. Bickering and complaining are ways people cause other people to engage with them. 
For example, a couple that bickers constantly may not have any other type of conversation. One or the other may use the bickering to engage the non talkative partner in conversation. All other attempts at conversation may have failed for the couple, but by golly the wife can get him to bicker! That then satisfies her need to converse. They need to engage somehow because they are human, but negative conversation is not helpful in the long run. Complaining also can be used to try and hurt the person they are talking with, like a verbal punishment, or to share the misery. 
Whether with children, or old folks take a good look at the tone of conversation, it's intriguing. NOW how to keep it healthy and positive? No whining, no depressing thoughts, no complaining. It's hard. Try being positive, and pointing out the good things, but it may not be enough. Seek help for your LO, written material, or counseling, medication, etc..

Living to 100 is not good at all.

Telling them that you've heard the story before won't work. They will fight you tooth and nail. That's just the way it is, sadly.

As soon as she starts, you can stop her in her tracks by saying, "stop, I've heard this before and don't want to hear it again. Can you talk about something else more pleasant?" Just do this every time she starts and keep doing it until she gets the hint. 

Another thing you can do if the TV or radio is on is greatly increase the volume as soon as she starts in order to send a more subtle hint and drown her out each and every time she starts. This will require you to always have the remotes on you. 

If this happens over the phone, just drop the call. If she calls back, just hit the reject button or block her number altogether. 

What she can do if she has a tablet or some kind of computer is do some journaling and just write about what's on her mind instead of wearing out the people around her. Journaling really helps a lot when you just open up the notepad of something like a tablet or iPad and just start typing about what's on your mind or what hurts. I sometimes journal to God or even people I knew who since died. The reason why I journal to those specific people is because things are coming out that really need to be said that I wasn't allowed to tell them to their face

Partsmom: That's a great idea! Negative elder says "It's going to rain all day today and I am not happy about it." Your response="A hurricane's coming tomorrow causing our home to flood."

I was just thinking about the chore of dealing with family heirlooms and stuff; and an aunt who had a lot of things and stories she had collected from living in different places. Fortunately, her mind was still sharp, so she was able to make a book from some of stories she had collected, and she also went through her stuff and gave some of it away. Most of the goodies we collect over the years have stories and memories; if your mom has things that have memories, ask for the stories and write them down. if she can't remember anything about something it might be time to ebay it (try a few times first). If you do wind up doing a house sale the stories might make them more saleable. (my DIL has asked me to label stuff I have).

It's very difficult. We have the same problem with my MIL. She's not depressed, but just wants to lie around in her pajamas everyday watching tv and reading magazines (yet she says she can't see). We've tried encouraging other activities, even a drive with us on the beach, talking books, learning the computer, meeting other people her own age, and she rejects everything. What's disturbing is how she wants everyone to do everything for her and how she tries to emotionally imprison us. she'll tell us we are her life. she doesn't know what she'd do if we weren't with her. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's happiness except my own. We all have a responsibility to ourselves, but she takes no responsibility.

There is a song I recall from the 1960's that kept coming to mind here; probably can find it on YouTube. Kingston Trio's "Merry Minuet."
I wonder if trying to top a negative person would break the train of thought--everything she says, say something even more negative, even ridiculously awful. At least, you might get a laugh out of it. Yes, there are people who can't see the bright side of anything and don't want to. Or take a little DVD player and a stack of old Lucy episodes.

Get a presciption for xanex... for yourself... and if marajuana isnt legal in your state, get a medical script for it... and I think caregiving children for ungrateful self centered parents should be enough eligibility for a discount. ; )

(C'mon... we cold all use a good laugh!)

Clinging to the positive cliff
Is hard to do at best
Made even worse through lack of sleep
You know you need to rest

But no the drone goes on and on
This is bad... that's worse
Is it any wonder
That you leave the room and curse?

I swear being negative makes her happy
Being positive makes her sad
And when she has no-one else to abuse
Its always me that is so bad

Keep this in mind my caring friends
Stay positive and never lose it
For when its your turn for a care home
Remember its your kids who will choose it!
xx

My mother in law dwells and swims in all things negative. Sadly you probably cannot change her. Don't try. Just keep a positive attitude and IGNORE when she talks about her daily dose of despair. Turn a deaf ear and say. OK, sure or whatever you need to and then get out. Don't let her overwhelmingly negative life pollute yours. That is my advice because that is what I do. I ignore talk and remain positive while taking care of her. It is a sad way to live dwelling on negatives. But for many people it is what they cling to. You just cling to good thoughts and be happy.

If nothing good happens during the day, she
doesn't have anything good or happy to talk
about.i know because i live alone with no one
to talk with during the day. All you have to is
the bad to talk about. Maybe arrangements for
some positive things to happen to give her
something better to talk about at the end of her day.
I go through the same. No one comes by or calls all
day so nothing positive to talk about.

We have the same issue with my MIL. She has 3 modes of conversation: running other people down, slanderous gossip, and complaints about minor ailments. It brings us all down. We have been in a way mean about not engaging in those modes -- a direct correction brings on a tantrum but we either don't respond, ignore the negativity and start talking about something else, or even get up and leave the room. She's catching on.

NYDaughterInLaw: Agreed...don't respond to acrimonious people!

Negative people are like stray cats: stop feeding them and they go away.

My late Mother was the polar opposite of this woman. Mother sugar coated EVERYTHING! She even made up a "fabricated-to-her-liking" story about her own father, who was an EXTREMELY poor money manager. He quit jobs often because he didn't like what the boss told him! She said "the boss gave him a position in another town." Yea, right! They lived on pennies!!!! Taking my mother to the doctor...doctor asks "what's wrong, N?" My mother="oh, nothing." Argh! She was on my last nerve!!

Speaking of the shrink thing, a very funny (now it seems funny) thing happened to me. I started taking care of my grandmother around 1995. I would visit her apartment, and it was dark in there. We finally found out at an eye appt. that she could only see light and dark, nothing else. I started having conversations with her where I found out she had been depressed. That also had something to do with the darkness of her home. I told her we would go to see a geriatric specialist and see what we could do for her depression. The doctor walked in at the appt. where I told him about her depression. She shrieked out that she was NOT depressed, why would I lie to the doctor like that! Well, it was not funny then, but it does seem funny now. As cjbailey said, seeing someone for an emotional or psychiatric problem had a "stigma" attached to it. She started on an antidepressant and was a new woman.

I wonder if music and song could help. Maybe you have some sort of portable music player (ipad, or something) you could carry on you. Or if you can sing, maybe you could ask her if she knows the words to a particular song, and then start to sing it.

I actually had to look at who had written this post from HelpMeMom to see if I had written and forgotten that I had! I just came across this conversation stream again looking for anwers and saw that I wrote a few months back. Things are getting worse so I guess I need a little reinforcement for my resolve. My 87 year old mom also has always had a "glass half empty" attitude towards life although she has had a pretty darned good life compared to so many. She certainly did not have the best childhood but according to her "stories" nothing good ever happened. I could literally go on for hours about how she complains about EVERYTHING and she is the world's biggest procrastinator, she prides herself on being "a worry wort" (she sees that as evidence that she loves deeper and is less selfish than others), she is a perfectionist and NO ONE can EVER do anything to her standards, yet she's become a hoarder, she's a germaphobe (no one cleans the way she can!) and only because of all her ailments she can no longer do much of anything and her house is a mess and hardly ever gets vacuumed (whenever I do it, she says she would prefer not to have a "half-assed" hurried job and she will do it "right" when she can get around to it); she REFUSES to let anyone help her or come into her house EXCEPT family but because she complains incessantly and EVERYONE knows they won't please her, most have stopped even asking to help; she's a complete martyr (insisted on putting up her 7' Christmas tree although at least 4 people in the family offered to help); she is scared all the time yet refuses to have anyone live with her and in no way will she even consider for a second to move herself (she has a security system, outdoor motion detectors, flood lights, a First Alert and multiple locks on all doors yet she hears people rattling her door and has seen a man standing outside in the middle of the night yet she's extremely hard of hearing and cannot hear the doorbell or one of us knocking on the door!); she's financially well situated thanks to my dad. He passed away 2 years ago and she is completely depressed yet will not take any meds. All I can do is pray, read the posts by others on this site and try to realize that I MUST be the one who responds in such a way that I can somehow love my mom for who she is, not who I wish she could be. She's been a great mom and grandmother but somehow, has not adjusted to the aging process and the changes that come with life as one gets older. I would love to see her happy, loving the fact that she's lived this long and has so many people who truly do love her. She cannot see that...she only sees what she doesn't have anymore, every negative aspect of everything. I get upset with myself because I am often so frustrated, annoyed and mentally exhausted that I don't feel the compassion and understanding that I know I should feel. I feel like a shrew sometimes rather than a loving daughter. I have to stop wanting (expecting) to get accolades for all that I do. After I've spent time with her, helping her in some way (Dr's appt, bills, grocery, bank or to a movie and out to dinner) and she's very appreciative, wants to pay for my gas or buy me lunch or asks what she can buy me to repay me for "my time")...it's still winds up later as some sort of "ding"...a criticism or not so subtle remark about the time I spend with my grandkids...it's as if she's resentful that I have a life. She even says sarcastic remarks when I tell her I'm cleaning house ("Well you're lucky or it must be nice") yet she refuses to let me come in to clean her house ("I don't need you telling me where to put stuff or what I should get rid of). Bottom line...(I will use a phrase I personally dislike and it's waaaay over used)...It is what it is! Thanks for taking the time to read this. It was cathartic to get it off my chest!

jessie of course the turkey won't walk off the table unless you forgot to nail it's feet down again or you got the one the President just pardoned. No Pres elect Trump took that one home he's too smart to let a turkey slip through his fingers. Maybe I really should get citizenship then I can vote. After 65 you don't have to pass the test so no worries there - just pay the money.

All of you have described my mom, one way of another. I am the only care giver for mom. I live next door, and the mask she wore all her life, is truly off now. Always negative, but bright and happy(tries to be) when my other brothers and sisters call. Now she doesn't even pick up the phone. My dad passed away 10 months ago. Now she only talks bad about him too. She has medication, and tells me she takes it, but I can tell when she doesn't. She refuses to talk to me, I never do anything for her, talks bad about dad(who loved her dearly)....

My question, before I write a novel :) is has anyone tried using herbal remedies such as calm support and DL-Phenylalanine? I think she would take them more since they are herbal and she thinks medicine is bad for you... There's the ego thing, she is always right, but can't remember anything *sigh*.... I was just wondering if anyone has tried it, or has it been mentioned somewhere else? My mom is not a addict, if someone is thinking that. I was just thinking a herbal supplement would help with her severe depression.. Be strong my friends.......

Thank you Imb... yes, you are so lucky to have a great husband who supports you. Take care of youself (ves).

Thanks for the supportive comments, Heart2Heart. Yes, many of us are apparently in this same situation, sadly. I'm so very fortunate to have a husband who is willing to shoulder a lot of the burden - he is a Godsend!! Hugs to you and everyone else as we navigate these tough times.

Imb... it's wishful thing on your mom's part that everything will turn out 'good' at this juncture in her life... i believe we have to try and not take it personally (I know it's hard)... switch our brain right away to thinking something else (so it doesn't get under our 'skin')... we're all working on it... thNk goodness for comedy and humor when we need it, eh?... Hope you have a nice week... (Do something nice for yourself).

The SNL stuff is a good uplift - thanks, folks. Just saw my mother last evening and....yep; same old/same old. The aides are sneaking in her room when she's sleeping and eating all of her candy, donuts because they must like it, according to mom. She misplaces something in her drawer and it must have been stolen - that is, until I open the drawer and see it sitting there in plain sight. And, yes....no one is available to talk by phone anymore, everyone is too busy for her and, the best one in our family - "when's a good time to talk with your brother?" Brother, BTW, is bipolar and only speaks to anyone (typically me) when he feels like it and that's not often. He lives in Kansas with his girlfriend and hasn't seen his own kids or grandkids in over 7 years and, of course, that includes mom. She knows what he's about but, still....she just can't stop herself from obsessing about him. On one level, I understand (as a mother) but on the other, it makes me want to tear my hair out because this isn't going to change and she can barely dial a phone anymore. Anyway, time for some SNL repeats probably.... ;)

Did you ever think that's what a day in her
life is for real. I have days like that. Only
thing I can talk about is the negative things
as nothing happy happening. Spend a day
with her and see. Might be she's not trying to be negative
just nothing else to talk about. Sounds like she's
very depressed.

:D. Yeah!!!

I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me. :D

So glad it helps Llamalover... Also, there's another excellent old Saturday Night Live skit (google this for You Tubes.. I don't think they allow hyperlinks in this site):
Stuart Smalley is a fictional character invented and performed by comedian and satirist (and later United States Senator from Minnesota) Al Franken. The character originated on the television show Saturday Night Live, in a mock self-help show called "Daily Affirmation With Stuart Smalley." It first aired on SNL's February 9, 1991 episode hosted by Kevin Bacon. Stuart is Franken's middle name. Franker has stated that his "going to Al-Anon meetings inspired [the character] Stuart [Smalley]".

Thank you, those of you-Heart2Heart and JesseBelle-Debbie Downer-that's a good one! I learned something new today.