Mom is having bladder bowel issues, accidents and not getting to toilet quick enough. She’s resistant to needing protection. Suggestions?

Always discreet boutique and depends silhouette are both good products that come in pretty colours. The pads are good too, they range from very slim and lightweight to sturdy overnight styles, and since women are used to the idea of pads they might be an easier first step to negotiate.

My mom has been incontinent for years but it has simply gotten worse now where she often doesn't even feel the need to pee so making it to the bathroom...well doesn't happen... She has used several brands over the years but after her stroke my brother picked up Depends (the Cadillac brand in her mind she couldn't afford bu what did he know) and she loved them! It took care of all of her issues at the time with the disposable underwear. I purchase them by the case (sometimes multiple cases) at Costco where they are without question less expensive and always stock up when they have coupons ($8 off typically). Then she started needing more protection at night so I get the extra long, heavy Poise pads for that and she puts those inside the Depends (score the bottom of the pad so it soaks through to underwear. They also make a Nighttime Depends which while more expensive works well for overnight too, the brand seems to feel comfortable for her and fits at the leg opening so they don't leak as easily. I do think much of it is hit or miss though because each body is different so it's like any underwear comfort is individual. Amazon is another good place to shop for the different choices, they deliver and while not as good as Costco (that I've found) you aren't committed to as big a package and they have options.

I would strongly suggest you never call them "diapers", even pull-ups may or may not sit well with her, I always refer to them as "your underwear" or just Depends but my mom has been using them a long time, I would find a way to refer to them in a way that deciphers them from what she's wearing perhaps but sounds "normal" so panties or underwear maybe even protection might all be options. It might be a matter of both getting her to warm up to options as well as realize just how much of a pain this problem is becoming. I'm reminded of how my mom prepped me for my first period, lol, she gave me all the various options and supplies (at the time there weren't a ton, one of those belts that held pads or tampons I think) and told me how to use them well in advance as it turned out of the expected moment so when I woke up one morning I knew right where my stash was in my closet. Maybe you do something similar with mom, give her some samples and options she can try when she decides it's time. Then on the other end find a way to make sure it isn't just easy for her to not do something about it by taking away the laundry and putting clean sheets on the bed immediately or while she's not in the room, leave it long enough for her to need to ask you to do it or casually mention how nice it would be if she would try one of the standard remedies so you didn't have to do this every day. Maybe you could appeal to her pocketbook by comparing the energy and products used as well as the wear and tear on clothing and bedding to using disposable underwear. I also make it as discrete and easy as possible for mom, she has one of those small metal garbage cans with a top you step on to open lined with the small lemon scent garbage bags from Walmart (cheap like .98 cents for a roll) so she can just ties the bag up every couple days for the trash can and take one from the bottom to put over the can insert herself. It keeps the smell at bay (which she seems to be loosing unfortunately) and she feels like she is covering up the whole situation from everyone else, taking care of it herself. She has also had various bed pads but the best set up we have now found is I got 3 "water proof" sheets and 3 extra large pads which have a little gully around the outside and non-slip nodules on the back side, nice cotton on the front side. I have a full "waterproof" mattress cover around the mattress, a sheet a pad on top of that, then another waterproof sheet, sheet, pad and a third set all on the bed so when she has an accident all she has to do is peel off the top sheet/pad layer and she has a clean dry fresh one underneath, no need to make the bed again.

Many here suggest removing her regular panties and replacing them with protective, absorbent undergarments.

This is a husband answering this from much experience. My wife is (80) with advanced Alzheimer’s. We have tried most, if not all, over the past few years. In my opinion, the absolute best pull-up disposable panties have been the Sam’s Members Mark brand. They are both extremely strong, very absorbent and probably the least expensive on the market. The secret to being comfortable for your mother is to get the right size. Too large will be bulky and uncomfortable for her. Slightly small will fit nicely and remind her of her normal panties. The best pads I have found are also the Members Mark brand, and they will hold a large amount of fluid and still feel dry to the touch.

One thing I have heard does work for their refusing to wear them is for you to remove all her regular panties and replace them with depends.  They are now made much more form fitting, not baggie.  One caretaker told me she actually put on a pair to show her lo that she uses them to.  No issues after that.  Hope this helps.

We use depends and always discreet. We order from Amazon but recently found a great deal from our local overstock discount store. 30% off. Woohoo! We started using them here and there and eventually just boxed up panties so they weren’t available. We call them her pads. Just what she called them, although they are complete pull up(diapers)

I would call them throw away underwear, and it worked for my Mom. Don't call them diapers! I would put them on her when we would go out in the world.

A couple thoughts. You did not mention if there are other issues like UTIs, or if you discussed this with her doctor. Where is she usually when she has to make the dash? She may not be emptying her bladder when she goes, causing a quicker and more frequent fill. Have you tried kegal exercises to strengthen the muscles surrounding the bladder? When she does go on the commode, after she finishes, have her sit there and count to thirty to see if any leftover is released. A special probiotics for women's unrinary issues may be a fix. Google probiotics for "women's incontinence "or just "elder incontinence" and you will see all kinds of remedies and probiotics pop up. The adult underwear have come a long way in their slim feminine designs as mentioned by a few. Hardly can tell the difference between panties and protective panties. Buy several different kinds, let her make the decision. You also tell her you are wearing them because you need to. Like when you were a little girl, and she instructed you, be the same, patient, caring, try to make it a fun fashion event.

Mom uses Poise pads purchased at Costco but we also use the panties. We buy the Amazon basics brand because they are as good as any other we’ve used for mom, Depends etc, and much less expensive. The selling point is she will feel cleaner with them as she won’t have to worry about accidents and always needing to change her clothes if she doesn’t make it to the toliet in time. Don’t call them diapers. They are panties. We buy the baby wipes to clean after changing at Costco. We have to worry about UTIs so very careful there. Good luck!

Brand names are less important than what fits and what she is willing to wear. My mom liked the smaller pads, I think Poise is one brand. In addition to that, I strongly advise you or any caregivers to put her on a toileting schedule like every 1-2 hours whether she asks or not. Some people can't tell they need to go until the bladder is at the bursting point. Don't wait that long.