Please help us. Our mom is 87 and has stage 3 lung cancer. She lives with me and my husband. 5 of my brothers are fighting bad. 2 want her to do hospice. 2 don't want her to. And me and one brother just don't know. She is very sick and takes a lot of medicine. I kind of think she should do it. I don't like to say it but I hate to clean her pamper. It makes me throw up. My brothers help a lot. But I gotta clean her whole body everyday. Cause if I don't every body says she smells. And that's true tho. I'm running out of patience for all this. I just want her at rest. And start a family for myself. I got married 22 months ago and soon as we got our apartment she was sent here. My brothers say it's better for her to be with her daughter. She suffers so much that it makes us cry. What should we do? Please help.

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First, hospice is not going to be cleaning her least not all the time.

Hospice will have an aide come and help with a shower a couple times a week...not twice a day. A nurse will come around once a week or more as needed.

The primary reason I turned to hospice was because of the high level of pain my Mom was experiencing. The Doc had given up ... he had no more to offer my Mom.
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How nice of your brothers to decide this for you.. NOT. Since they put this on you, get a CG contract ASAP, and then call hospice too. They will help cover her pain meds and any needed ( as they determine) any equipment you need for her to be in your house. As Katie said,, they ARE NOT in your house 24 x 7 taking care of her,, so don't let your brothers tell you this. You can call them and ask for a meeting,, not required to sign up at that time. Good luck with this,, I have been there and they were a blessing for us. My dad was in MC at the time and they were so supportive.
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Why would anyone fight over Hospice care? Hospice care is just that. Comfort and the best quality possible until end of life, no matter how long that is. Sounds like some of the brothers are either in denial or do not understand what Hospice care is
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Since sister is expected to do, then sister can make the decision. Tell brothers your doing all the work. Hospice will keep her comfortable and lessen the pain. I think my Mom had an aide everyday for Dad. Call her Dr. and ask him for an order and a suggestion to which Hospice you should use, if there is a choice.
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when I had hospice for my dad. I felt such a big relief. although I was not doing the day to day care for my dad. because he was in assisted living. but after a ER visit to hospital the caseworker asked if I would want to sign him up. I heard its because the dr. has to say there is 6 months or less left(?)
I signed my dad up because I needed the support and guidance. I didn't know what to do :(
In MY EXPERIENCE it was a good thing. if your mom is dying (so sorry) and theres NO QUESTION then why should they be arguing? idk?? they are going to help you and make your mom comfortable to the end. maybe they don't understand how it works.

maybe a family meeting together with a hospice nurse.?
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Hi Mimi,
You sure do have a lot of brothers! 7 Wow, I am also an only girl with 3 brothers.

Thank your lucky stars they help you. I think both sides, the yays and nays, are convinced their choice would be doing what's best for the Mom, they love so much. So just be patient with the arguing, this is a huge decision.

I'm facing it right now concerning my Mom. Someone, just this morning, told me to go to to get some more information.

Take the advice given above. Maybe with all the info, and individual questions, cares, fears and concerns addressed, everyone can get on the same page. Let's hope🤞

Cyber Huggz 🤗
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@Katie I know they won't be cleaning her Pampers everyday and giving a bath 2 times a day. We can use the internet you know! She has a regular doctor and a lung doctor who told us what the choices are she has!!!!!! I don't want her to die in the room that I wanna make a baby room! I want her to go to the hospice hospital. My family is fighting coz one thinks hospice kills sick people and the other said she should be with family till she dies naturally. And only Jesus controls her death not doctors. I understand what my brothers are saying. But they don't see what I'm saying. I haven't even lived alone with my husband yet.
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yes I agree about the moms passing in your babys room if it turned out to be.

my dad passed in AL and my mom still resides in the same room. I don't have any negative feelings to the apartment room. complete opposite I feel close to my dad in that room

edit: not saying you have to feel the same way ...
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Hospice hospital?? I know they have facilities, know that Medicare does not pay for it...right? Does Mom have the finances to pay that? The place my Mom stayed in for 3 nights was run by hospice. It was really execellent...and posh. It is meant for families to be able to stay there too. Huge rooms, and very nice. It also cost $800 per night. Medicare did pay that for my Mom because the hospice Doc made the case that they needed to have Mom right there while they worked adjust her pain meds to get ahead of the pain escalation she was having......keep her comfortable.

Medicare will cover respite care of 1 week.

If you have her admitted to a regular hospital...hospice is no longer involved....they must terminate service if she goes to an acute care hospital.  Of course, you would take her to would be up to the Docs if they will admit her.

Joann.... My Mom died over a year ago.    Altogether, she was on hospice for just under 3 weeks.   I still blame myself for not turning to them sooner.   Not until her Doctor admitted to me that he had nothing else to offer to help Mom....only then did I call hospice.   I should have done it sooner
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Katie, I think JoAnn meant to write Mimi.

I'm glad you said you wish you'd signed Mom up sooner. I'm doing that now and was hoping I wasn't doing it too soon. 

Try to let that guilt go Katie. I'm sure you did the best you could with what info you had at the time. This is the hardest damd thing I've ever done in my life!💖
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