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She is in a memory care facility, but has developed agitation, aggression, and incontinence. She has no interest in using utensils at mealtime and often eats with her fingers. She has been checked for a UTI.

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She is eligible now. I just did it for my mom who is in the same stage. If she is still living in the next 6 months, they just re-certify. It will help you immensely with her care.
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Reply to blondinthesky
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Hospice can be very helpful. But in most states, the patient must have a life expectancy of six months or less. You'll have to ask a doctor (preferably her neurologist) if she qualifies. But the symptoms you describe don't necessarily mean that she's within six months of death. Many people w/dementia and the proper medications live for much, much longer than this. Some people hasten the process of qualifying for hospice by removing all medications that could keep them alive (or their health care POA authorizes this). If she has an advanced directive, what does it say? If it says she wants to be kept alive by all means, you cannot act contrary to this. If it doesn't have one or it is vague, talk to her neurologist. If she's member of a church, mosque, synagogue, or temple, talk to one of the clergy there. They'll advise you about what's ethical and consistent w/her religious beliefs.
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Reply to swmckeown76
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If I were you, I'd discuss with your mom's MD.
I believe they refer a person to a hospice (although you might be able to do independently).
- Be sure you understand what Hospice does / their objectives (comfort care, not keeping a person alive).

In my experience:

* When my friend/companion was in a nursing home, the MD there referred him so he'd get more care.
* They really help(ed me) a lot to carry some of the load. Although... I have worked with a few different Hospices locally and all of them are different in how ... reliable they are / communications, experience.
* Know that they offer grief counseling when needed for the person closest to the departed. They helped me with a client and then my friend years later. I believe they also offer grief groups.
_____________________________
With what is going on now with our government / funding non-profits / support of our aged and disabled, we never know what services will be available - or for how long.
_____________________________

It is clearly worth a consult - for you to assess how / if Hospice could support your needs and your mom's behavior. I know this is very difficult on you, and the facility. (My client was referred to Hospice while in a lovely facility... she no longer had to make trips by ambulance to the emergency room ... go through at that ... plus she didn't know what was happening to her during these medical crisis and she was alone with strangers at nights/middle of the night.)

Hospice can be a blessing in disguise. I am sure you'll get a variety of experiences / responses here to help you decide how to proceed.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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You don’t need a doctors referral for hospice. They can come anytime to evaluate and then a doctors order to admit to hospice is needed but it can be the medical director. They will reevaluate periodically and if there is no evident decline , they will discharge but if decline occurs , even slowly, they can recertify
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Reply to Jdjn99
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As said, having Dementia ismot a reason for Hospice. The agitation can be taken care of with Medication. Needing to be sppon fed can be done by the aide. None of these things needs Hospice. Their staff does not feed the client. In a home setting with Hospice the family takes care of the patient. In Memory care, the aides feed the resident.

Hospicebis endnof life care. With my Mom, she could no longer swallow and her body was shutting down. For herbit was comfort care till she passed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Hospice has government guidelines by which they must follow before they can sign someone up.

We self referred (twice) to our local hospice. An RN came out and made the determination of whether Mom qualified. This was approved by the hospice MD back at the office.
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Reply to brandee
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My Mom was using her fingers to eat food, and sometimes missed her mouth. She had a hard time swallowing and she could no longer take pills. In fact, the day before I called hospice, she had another UTI, however, refused to allow anyone to collect urine. She was running a fever and was in pain since she couldn't swallow nor want to swallow her pain meds.

When I called hospice, they were able to "give" her some antibiotics and pain meds via suppository to get the fever down. However, she still would not eat or drink because she didn't know how. She was hungry, however her tongue would push the food back out. Regarding pain, it was still there and they upped the dose until she was at least able to sleep. She died about 2 weeks later.

It was agonizing to watch as I didn't know how to make her feel more comfortable. No matter what I gave her, her tongue pushed it out or she didn't like the taste of the food or the liquid. She kept on trying to get up, however, was too dizzy to do so.

Those last weeks before death were really torturous, for both her and I. Thank goodness it only lasted 2 weeks.
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Reply to ChoppedLiver
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When she can no longer eat. When her body shuts down.
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Reply to MicheleDL
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Patathome01 May 2, 2025
Her doctor has to diagnose her condition before any type of action is taken.
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We recently had an interview with hospice care in Arizona. We were informed that in order to qualify for hospice based on an Alzheimer's/Dementia diagnosis that our Dad had to be non-verbal for a 24-hour period and incapable of walking. Our Dad has been in Memory Care for 14 months and he in NO WAY meets those standards. However, our Dad also has heart failure, and based on that diagnosis, he DID qualify for hospice care and it has been very helpful to my sister and I to have more people checking on him and providing the care/supplies he needs at this point in his life.
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Reply to LindaW313
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Her doctor will have to make a referral to hospice.
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Reply to KimberlyO
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My experience is to be eligible for hospice you need to score at 7a or above on the FAST Scale. https://www.compassus.com/healthcare-professionals/determining-eligibility/functional-assessment-staging-tool-fast-scale-for-dementia/
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Reply to Maurice53
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Her Demntia alone does not qualify her for Hospice. Hospice can be considered when her doctors determine she is nearing the end of her life.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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Very sorry for your sad journey. Your mom needs to be diagnosed with a terminal condition approved by both the doctor and hospice care. My mom had dementia, but was approved with Hypertensive Heart Disease. That qualified her for coverage through Medicare.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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You have to speak with her Doctor . They can advise .
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Reply to KNance72
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A medication to help calm the agitation and aggression would be a big help. Talk with her doctor to determine if hospice services might be appropriate, but having used hospice, I’d caution you not to overestimate their help. Hospice is wonderful for providing supplies, advice, and good medications for comfort as end of life is approaching. They are not good for hands on caregiving.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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RedVanAnnie May 1, 2025
Good point that many people misunderstand Hospice and expect it to take over day-to-day caretaking. It definitely does not.
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Hospice is end of life care.
A physician in care of Mom must attest to the Federal Government (who pays for Hospice) that your mom has in their professional opinion fewer than 6 months to live.

Having dementia and undiagnosed problems doesn't qualify someone for hospice.
Do speak with her MD.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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