How to make the right decision?


New to site. Hello to everyone. I need a support system. I am 32. My mom has a history of depression and had medical complications this time last year and moved in with me. She had a mini stroke and other issues involving her kidneys. She also lacked the ability to manage her medication/ appointments. I have been her caretaker for over a year but have always tried even before to help her with depression. I want to help her but i also want to live on my own again. She is getting better physically but i worry about her depression and smoking. She is 61 and does not have much right now. She will have money soon. We have always been close but we fight alot too. I don't even know what i am asking right now i guess i need support i feel broken. I am starting to realize that i have always tried to help her even at a young age. I was thinking maybe can can rent an apartment in the same community but separate. Any insight is appreciated.

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It's difficult to manage the affairs of a parent as they often are stubborn and still see the child as the child. When you add depression into the's hard. I've been there.

Is she compliant with her meds? That's tough too, because often people who suffer with depression seem to come off meds, against medical advice. They may not be aware that their misery makes their caretaker and family members miserable too.

I know she's your mom, but, at your age, you need to have some fun, be happy and enjoy your life. Living with her as her caretaker seems like something that is impeding that.

She's young too. This could go on for many years. Is there any reason that she can't handle her own affairs now? I think I might arrange for her to have her own place. I'd be nice, but firm. And I don't know that it would be too close to her. I wouldn't want constant drop-in visits. If she's receptive, you might help her with a budget, set up automatic payments for her bills, and then set a day that you visit her, so she doesn't feel neglected when she moves out. Say, mother/daughter lunch on Sundays for example.

If you still feel the need for a support system, there are some online and you might check with your community as well. If you feel broken, down, needing support, I'd also get a full medical exam. You may be suffering from depression too. I'd get some medical advice on that.

If you have always been the support person for your mom, maybe, it's too much. You need a break. A counselor might be able to help give you some tools to help with that.

Good luck. You have a wonderful life ahead of you!
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It sounds like you need some space from your mom and that's perfectly healthy. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be on your own as an adult. Getting separate apartments in the same complex sounds ideal. Just make sure they're not too close ;-)
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Dear Kate, I know its hard being a caregiver to your parent. And its very hard to be around someone who is depressed. Can your mom be assessed by another doctor? Or access any community resources to support her living on her own? Maybe your mom can join a support group for her depression. I was living with my dad and taking on more and more care. I did not recognize I needed boundaries and became angry and resentful at the end. I wished so badly I could go back and do things differently. I think living in the same community but separate apartments might be a good idea, as long as your mom is safe. Thinking of you.
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