How can a friend take care of grandmother?

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My friend's grandmother is in a caregiving facility, she wants to get out, she was diagnosed with dementia. He wants to take her out, the insurance people have allowed for him to take her out every so often so she can get used to it. He is trying to fulfill her wish of taking her out of that place. Her son and daughter don't visit. Does he need a power of attorney to get her out? He wants to take care of her. Does he need power of attorney to take care of her? How can he get a power of attorney if she has been diagnosed with dementia? She still remembers him, remembers the house, and is pretty much interactive the great grandkids. What can my friend do to enhance his grandma's living situation?

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You have to remember that the elder is not the person in control here so "she wants to get out" is a moot point. She is in the NH for a reason and that is round-the-clock care.
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nature 73. Thank you. Will look into Center for Medicare and Medicaid. We have used the Ombudsman Program and they sent me to the the Licensing Agency regarding failure to administer eyedrops. The Agency the Facility used to complain about me found Mother and I have a good Mother - daughter relationship. They treated me fairly but I am reluctant to use the Agency the facility uses as the Administrator brags in public that she has the system stacked in her favor and that she does not worry about anyone.
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All I see is that American system is broken & not going to be fixed soon - this will lead to working poor [who are taking care of loved ones] & very rich who are sucking $$$ out of system into their coffers as they 'invest' in these place
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daughterlu - sounds like you're in a really tough situation. Have you contacted Center for Medicare & Medicaid Services? Long term care facilities are surveyed annually, but will come in unannounced based on a complaint. The facility then has a limited amount of time to correct the problem(s).
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Grammyteacher, all I can say is God Love You. There is no way I could have worked and took care of my Mom too. I get too overwhelmed. But all remember...this woman has three small children. That in itself is time consuming and then add to that an adult you have to care for. It all sounds logical until you have to do it. She should be kept where she is. Just visit a lot.
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I have a very different bend. I and 24/7 caregiver for my mom in stage 7 Alzheimer's. It can be done in home without paid caregivers. I am blessed to work mostly from home and have supportive family. When I have meetings my husband or daughters take care if mom. Your friend would need to understand and be totally prepared. Let me start by saying I am caring for my mom out of unconditional love and will continue until she leaves this world. Here is how my life runs. I get up at 5. Do a couple hours of work. Get mom up at 7. I go into her room, say good morning, set everything up, her tooth brush, her pad (diaper), wipes, gloves, bag for old pad, clean clothes, wheelchair (she has been immobile for 2 years).... I change her pad, (she has a hospital bed). During this process she is usually yelling at me, calling me names, etc. I tell her each step as I do it, talk in a calm voice, tell her I love her. She needs to be cleaned up and dressed. It can be quite messy. I brush her teeth and hair. Teeth are challenging as she doesn't remember to keep her mother open and often bites the brush. At this point my mom it double incontinent and her body isn't always remembering to poop. I have to balance meds to keep her going but not too much and loosing potassium and vitamins, also too much fluid. This took some learning and trial and error. I am blessed to have a daughter who is a nutritionist in a nursing home, a daughter who is a speech language pathologist specializing in feeding, and a son who is a doctor. They trouble shoot with me. Once she is dressed I wheel for to the kitchen and fix her breakfast which I hand feed her, she hasn't been able to feed herself for about a year. She then is moved to a recliner. We have alternate pressure mattress pads on both her bed and recliner. We need to change her position every 2 hours, change her pad every 3 hours. I feed her 3 meals and 2 snacks...she only eats a little bit at a time. We also give her 2 ensure plus per day. We bathe her 3 times per week and wash her hair once a week. It takes 2 people to bathe her. My mom really enjoyed me caring for her early in the disease, but as it progressed, her dislike of me increased. It is the disease. You have have to be prepared for all that can come your way, financially, physically, and emotionally. My mom is in my home now, but we cared for her in her home for years first. She started saying she wanted to go home, when she was still staying in her home....we decided to move her because it made our life easier...we have more support here (her house is 45 minutes away). If your friends gma is saying she wants to go home, just understand that she may say that even if she is in her own home. In home caregiving is possible and can be good for the patient, but the caregiver needs to be totally prepared for all that it involves. And remember, this condition progresses....it only gets worse until they leave this earth.
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If your friend persists in trying to 'spring' his grandmother from the facility, he will regret it deeply. Within a month he will be desperately trying to get her re-admitted. He may have good intentions, but he doesn't realize his grandmother is now not the person he grew up knowing. In spite of moments of lucidity, it will all go inexorably downhill and frankly, turn into a real disaster. She is better off with him visiting and checking up on her.
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I, too am taking care of my Mom. Have been investigated myself 3 times from false allegations that my Mother said and later recanted. The hassle of detectives and social workers is unbelievable. If your parent is in a home, leave them there. If it is a bad one, move them to another. I wish I never took her from her place. Now, I have her here- found out she could of had all the help, plus more if I had left her in her home. my mother hates it here and has from day one. Resentful every single day but doesn't want to leave. Been doing it for 3 yrs now and she has made it seem like 20yrs. No, she doesn't have demensia but fell alot which is why I moved her here.
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My Mother is in Personal Care. I am with her everyday from 8 am to 8 pm. she is happy there with me there. I would like her to come home with me. She likes it here too. It would be easier on me to have her here then commuting every day and having to deal with craziness of institutional care. . How she went from Independent Living to Personal Care is a crime. .The facility injured her in forced physical therapy, she went from the hospital to their health Care Center where she developed pnemonia without the assigned facility Dr. ever once stopping in to see her. We had to call 911. Back in I.L. for 3 months recuperating when false accusations against me were brought to get her out of her I.L. Apartment and in to the Health Care Center to be placed in PC. The Nurses Aid I left her with verified with me that Mother was in a dry bed when I left for the Dr. appointment and in a dry bed when she was called off the case and another Nurses Aid took over that morning. I was blamed for leaving mother in a wet bed on a pretext to move her to Personal Care. The cost is exorbanent especially when we needed a Nurses Aid through the night for 3 months. I took 16 hours a day. Among the faults is that the Kitchen can make great food that is served elegantly in Independent Living. The Personal Care food would cause riots if served in a prison. (Thanksgiving meal was a rare exception in PC). Staff can be impatient. The worst is that we are dealing with Mother's eyedrops have not been properly administered. An RN was giving my Mom the wrong drops in the morning and failing to give two doses per day on one prescribed eyedrop and giving the second eyedrop in the morning instead of at night. Mother had a visual hallucination which corresponds with a syndrome that that I wrote about as a question to AgingCare. I got good answers and confirmation that where Mother has had a decline in her eyesight since being moved to PC it most likely is the lack of care she is being given.in PC. We will be seeing Mother's eye Dr this coming week. Suggestions are that I ask him to make me responsible for giving her eyedrops. I never missed a dose in the 1 1/2 years I was giving her drops in IL. The point is the facilities, while a convenience for a family is not the same as a beloved parent or grandparent being at home surrounded by love. The time Mother and I spend together is a blessing. At home I could have assistance as needed. When a family cannot afford a Nurses Aid there is government assistance. I know a person who takes care of a loved one. They were hired by an agency and they are paid to take care of their family loved one. Are the facilities in answers above that different than where Mother is? or, do families assume good care? A parent with dementia might not remember bad things. How much time does the average visitor to a memory or PC unit spend with their loved one? An ombudsman might be able to direct your friend how to get his grandmother out of the facility. They have experience and knowledge in this fiel. They are mediators.
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My Mom has asked to go home, and I tell her the AL is her home. Gma is where she is for a reason. I had my Mom almost two years and I'm retired. Can't imagine how it would have been if I had a job.
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