Wow! Just reading this site is helpful in seeing that elderly probems with an aging parent is SO common! I have few friends who are going through this... but there are so many people who are. I feel badly for you ALL. It certainly is not something we planned for. My sister & I have both been to counseling to try to learn how to deal with our hypochondriac 87-yr old-mother. The main advice was to limit visits. Unfortunately mom emails us many times a day with complaints... she hates living in a seniors residence & has accused us of "putting her away" when in fact she agreed to move there. She was falling constantly at home & needed proper meals, an apartment with no stairs & a nurse on site to deal with her constant hypochondria complaints. Moving her hasn't helped. She reminds us daily how much she hates it there. The nurse is in to see her constantly & she takes her temperature 10 times a day... and reports the readings to us along with bowel movements, pain, loneliness, depression etc. The complaints never end. I try to only read & respond to her emails once a day. I visit once a week unless my sister is away. I am sure she has a dementia going on but her doctor is treating depression as he feels her memory loss & poor judgement are related to depression. She has been depressed since I was a child! Her behavior is indicating that more is going on. Because she has difficulty walking any distance even with a walker, we recently had an OT & PT visit. She is getting an electric wheelchair (we have rented one until she gets her own) to decrease her isolation... she sits in her apartment all day in the Seniors Residence. Her emails are "desperate". She refuses to go to any activities. We try to take her & she wants to return to her room within 15 minutes. She does NOTHING to help herself. We feel badly she is unhappy. But at what point do we somehow refuse to let her control & ruin our own lives? It's hard to stop this rollercoaster! She has no friends as the only thing she talks about is complaints... no one there wants to hear it! These elderly people are all trying to cope with life as an elderly person who no longer can manage in their own homes! Every time my sister or I take a vacation, something happens to her & she is in "unbearable pain" and "needs us". We're worn out & exhausted with her complaints. She was a terrible mother when we were young but she is still our mother. All of you seem to have very similar issues. She's medically well... arthritis is her only major issue. I am sure she has a dementia starting but there is no help... mother would refuse to go for testing in any case. And she can refuse as she is not diagnosed. We're in a real dilemma here. Suggestions? Thanks!