My 87-yr-old mother is suffering from dementia. I've been running back and forth between our two homes for over a year trying to care for her while trying to keep up with my job. Even with a pill organizer, she messes up her pills. She forgets whether she's eaten or not. She had cold cereal most evenings because it's easier. I cook dinners for her but she forgets they're in the refrigerator and the food goes bad and is thrown away. She has developed a nervous habit of scratching her legs and because her skin and blood is thin, her legs are always bloody, with bloody clothing, couches, bed, floors. She's very frail and weak and can hardly get up from a chair and walk due to arthritis. She no longer has any interest in TV, reading or internet and sleeps most of the time, just getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. She gets angry at me if I try to talk to her about any of this. I've been trying to get her to move in with me for two years.
Finally, last weekend she had two falls, just bruises but it frightened her enough that she agreed to move in with me. My daughter, son-in-law and I moved her hospital bed, bureau and most of her clothing and food to my house. I felt so relieved that I could now give her the care that she needed - one of the first things being a good bath! She's been eating three good meals a day. I've been putting anti-itch creams on her legs 3x/day and her legs look great and are healing up..
However, she is completely miserable and keeps saying that she's made a big mistake and wants to go home. I understand that she's homesick. But she will not admit that she needs help. I've tried talking to her about how exhausted I am and can no longer take care of two homes or give her the help she needs if she's not in my home and all she says is that she'll hire help until her money runs out. But she had help come in at one time and hated it and told them all to go! She also believes she can still drive, but there's no way I'm giving her cars keys back to her.
I feel completely unable to deal with this any longer. My nerves are shot, I can't sleep. I feel so sick. She told me tonight that if I don't take her home tomorrow, she'll call a cab and since she doesn't have her keys, she'll break a window to get in. Now I'm afraid to go to work in fear of what she'll do. If I take her home, then I'm back in the rat race of running back and forth there and knowing she's not getting the care she needs. I tried two years ago having her doctor talk to her but it made no difference. I don't know what to do. i have a durable POA but she hasn't been declared incompetent. I'm not sure how incompetent someone has to be to be declared incompetent. She told me today that she would rather be dead than stay in my home, although she said that I've been very good and kind to her.