My mother recently died, suddenly. My father is the one who has atrial fibrillation, heart failure, swelling in legs. Short of breath. My father is also an alcoholic. My mother was his enabler and she had narcissictic personality. I now cook for him and also do doctor visits etc... but it seems like he has gone berserk since my mother died. He is supposed to lead a quiet life with his legs elevated because his heart is so bad. Legs, get blisters etc. But he is doing more than ever. Working in his yard. Working on the pool. Planting flowers, watering flowers. He keeps hurting himself and because of being on blood thinners he has open wounds. Now he has one on his leg, that will not heal because of very bad circulation. It seems as if he is enjoying his freedom but I believe it will kill him. I remind him of what he is supposed to do but don't feel the need to push it. I figure he should just enjoy what life he has left in the way he wants. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

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Hi TiredandSad
i am sorry for the loss of your mother.
My mom had CHF. She could not have done what you describe your dad doing. Exercise is good for him. The wounds are troubling. My mom was to keep her feet elevated if she were sitting but since your dad is active, that should help the valves keep the fluid from accumulating to a degree.
Have you looked into home health? If your dad is on Medicare, you could ask his doctor to order HH. They would send a nurse weekly who could check his wounds and help monitor his CHF and check his INR for his blood thinners if he is on warfarin. They would assess him for other services needed. They can check his meds to help him set them up.
I would not try to keep him from gardening but I would try to get him a little help from HH. If he is basically home bound he should qualify. Let us know how he’s doing and you too. Again, I’m sorry about your mom.
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No, I think your absolutely right thinking this way, let him do that things that make him happy. Your instincts are right on in my book!
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I agree with you absolutely. Having the life he had, apparently obeying his wife and what she told him to do, was not much of a life, it seems. Now he is free and he is doing as he wishes. It may be a shorter life, but clearly it is one he will enjoy. It is what I would want myself, and heaven protect the person who tried to stop me.
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