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It is time for adult diapers for my aging Mom. She has dementia and depression, plus other medical conditions. Little more than a year ago I bought her underwear with an absorbent pad inserted. These took forever to get used too and not without arguments on top of it all. Finally got the most comfortable, but now they are just saturated overnight, she trys to rinse them out in her sink or the toilet, so now it's disgusting in the bathroom, can't get the smell out of her clothes. So can any of you know the most comfortable adult diapers and how I can approached this change? Even my new washer and dryer will smell too.


Please help,
Jan

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Mom uses Abena M4 for overnight since the regular Depends could not hold enough. This is for overnight only. No more wet bedding
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You’ve gotten a lot of good tips.
My aunt wears the depends with an overnight poise pad inserted. We put the poise pad into the pull-up so it’s ready to go ahead of time. Put a couple of extra pull-ups out so she can easily find them for when she needs to change.
Also remove her regular underwear to keep her from going back to them.
I get the depends from Costco or the Sams brand when it’s more convenient. She likes them both.
My mom did not like the depends fit. It’s a snugger fit I think. She preferred SAMs brand. I haven’t tried the other brands mentioned.
Also for whatever reason, watch for your mom trying to add paper towels to her underwear or toilet paper. We finally had to put the paper towels out of reach.
With both my mom and aunt I stressed that better to wear the pull-ups than falling while rushing to the bathroom. No one wants to fall.
Also try to set a routine for going to the bathroom. Usually when they stand they realize they can’t hold it so don’t ask if she needs to go. She will probably say no. Then when she stands it’s too late. Just try taking her every couple of hours and then adjust.
If you go to the bathroom with her ask her to lean forward to help empty her bladder when on the pot.
Avoid calling the pull ups diapers.
Wash hands, lotion, offer water.
Good luck.
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Depends pullups are OK. But if you need more capacity, check out Abena Abri-Flex. They are great for overnights. They are pricey, but better than changing the sheets. I bought the 3 gallon trash can liners from Staples for disposal.
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The Depends panties for women, max absorption do not come with a disposable bag. I was thinking that’d be a handy convenience. But other bags such as zip lock, produce bags or store plastic bags would do in a pinch. Also, a kitchen sized garbage bag works pretty well.
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Be wary of the flushable wipes, there are tons of comments online from plumbers who will tell you they clog up plumbing, and they are a definite no if you are on a septic tank system.
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I purchase the roll of diaper bags to use for my mom's used pads. They work well and are scented so really help with the odor. I used to use old grocery bags but the smell was still bad for me. I also take out the trash daily and spray the can with Fabreeze.

I also purchased flushable wipes for use while mom still could use the toilet. Once that ability was gone, I used baby wipes. Keeping the skin clean and dry will help prevent UTIs and pressure ulcers. I used a Peri bottle to spray warm water to further clean when needed. Using a barrier ointment helps too.
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I’ve never seen Depends coming with individual bags for disposing. Personally, I save the plastic bags from the grocery store - pop the dirty Depends into the bag, tie the handles in a tight knot and immediately take it to the outside garbage. 

A note on the washing machine- is it a front loader? If so, they make tablets that you throw into the machine and run on the “clean” cycle. Front loaders always have a bit of standing water in them - not that you can see, but beneath the drum. The cleaning tablets were originally designed to clean the machine and help with the mildew smell that the standing water creates. If my machine gets smelly, I run a tablet along with a dose of bleach. Also - Lysol has a fairly new product they call Laundry Sanitizer. It’s suspose to kill 99% of bacteria in the laundry load. Bacteria is a big culprit when it comes to odor. Plus - if I’m putting a pair of pants through the laundry that’s been through an accident- having the sanitizer just makes me fell a lot better. The standing water thing and all...
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Depends and leave them in the bathroom where she will see them. The fragrance beads by Downy Unstopbles are great. There are other brands as well. You can shake a little or a lot into your wash.
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Thank you so much. So will try the Depends. Need to change quickly. Crazy question for you all. Do the depends come with individual bags to bag and toss, or do you just toss them in the trash?

Thanks again to all of you,
Jan
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One thing to look out for is how well the absorbent padding stays in place if you only have light incontinence and can wear one pair for a couple of days. Some brands begin to disintegrate and bunch up making them very uncomfortable and causing sores.
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I use Sam's club brand for my dad, pull up type, he is a big guy 300# and we have not had one over night or day time leakage issue and he only changes them once maybe twice, right before bed and in the morning if he can tell it's full. I checked them out against other brands, hand to hand, the plastic around the legs of some brands cause friction sores, not so with this brand has comfort softfit technology as well as super absorbent. Price could not be beat either.
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I’m just now recovering from the intestinal influenza. For two weeks I’ve had the worst diarrhea, vomiting, retching, nausea, chills, fever and general malaise that I can remember. Even the 2009 ‘swine flu’ was not as bad (for me).

On day four, out of sheer desperation, my DH picked up a bag of Depends. I had never worn any disposable sanitary panty before but I had to wear something protective as I was up every few hours all night and all day TRYING to clean myself up!

These are an apparent new product from Depends, women’s padded underwear, pull up or down at the toilet, maximum absorption and I thought, wore comfortablely. The materials were soft enough and stretchy. I had no problem pulling these Depends up or down.

This influenza has been terrible. Finally, DH got the idea for me to take probiotics and I’ve been able to eat bland foods once my tummy settled a bit. But the Depends? I’d give them B+, they are comfortable and absorbent and fit well. A large size was perfect, 38 inches around and good coverage around legs and seat.
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I should get some samples of different brands for overnight use and see which she finds most comfortable. There is quite a lot of variation in shape and feel as well as absorbency. Does your mother allow you to assist her with getting ready for bed?
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Another thought, when I was still doing Moms laundry I would spray the bum/crotch of her slacks with a lot of Shout before washing and that really eliminated the smell.
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I hope you have a good mattress protector and several washable incontinence bed pads. Entry level pull ups would be always or depends, both are soft and come in varying levels of absorbency. They look very much like underwear, so simply putting them in the drawer in place of what she has now might help the transition go smoothly. The next level up is tena, not as pretty but their overnight ones can hold quite a lot - you might be able to use the lighter ones during the day and save the heavy duty ones for night time - it's cheaper that way too.
As for her trying to wash the wet/soiled products - well, at least she's trying to help (lol). You may need to start supervising her in the bathroom.
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A lot depends on if she will be changing these diapers herself or will always need assistance. Mom started on the pull-up type Depends, which made her feel more like they were just regular panties. However to change them entails removing shoes and outer pants while sitting on the toilet. At first she was able to do that without problem, but as she aged it was more of a problem and she didn’t like the hassle so changed them less frequently. Increase in UTIs! Now that she can’t change her clothes without assistance she has the kind with tabs so that they are much easier to change even lying on the bed. And she no longer cares about what kind she uses just that she’s clean. Hope that helps.
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