I have always lived no more than 30 miles from my Mother. We have always been extremely close, like best friends too. My brother lives out of state. He and I have always had a non-existent relationship. He maybe visited my Mother in the past ten years, two times. He is a bully and very controlling. Since he doesn't like me and is jealous of my Mother and my relationship, he slowly has taken things away from me, credit card I had for emergency use for my Mother (that she gave me), key to her house (that she gave me), he changed the locks, and now as of Easter Sunday he has a no-trespass warning on me to not visit in my Mother's home. And when I try to call, the boyfriend will not let me speak to her. What can I do legally to allow me to visit my Mother on a weekly basis as this is NOT what she would EVER want. This is elderly abuse from what I can tell. Can anybody help?

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The POA gets to make decisions he feels are in moms best interest. Why, if you and mom have been so close and brother has been out of the picture for so long, would she make HIM her POA and you powerless to do anything about the rules he installs? In your profile you say, "I truly believe it's only because my Mother felt since I loved her so much that she didn't want me to have to make decisions about her medical life, etc." This makes no sense to me as I'd want the person who loves me MOST in life TO be my financial and medical POA.

You can get a consultation with an elder care attorney about all of this, but I honestly believe the POA holds all the cards here.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
MeDolly Apr 7, 2024
Agree, doesn't make sense does it?
I don't feel the answers were very helpful. If mothers home is now worth$1M there is plenty to be concerned about. As a professional in this field I've seen atrocious situations because of money. Taking this woman's situation on face value, first she needs to contact Adult Protective Services. They will evaluate what's going on. A parent who gives POA to an adult child does not mean they truly have best interest in mind. A parent can give POA under confusion, duress or misleading information. I'm distressed how most of the posts attacked the person who was seeking help. Even if she is all that they say she still deserves to be believed and deserves a helpful response. Adult Protective Services will figure it out.
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Reply to AngelaWhite

So, on Easter Sunday you were told by your brother that you must leave and cannot return to visit again.
This doesn't happen out of the blue. Why not tell us what happened that caused him to say this. If your visits are bringing dissention in to the home, and brother is POA, then this may be one reason you are forbidden to visit.
Your brother, who is POA may also be concerned about this credit card use. Did you make purchases for yourself on that credit card, and if you in what amount?

You also say you have never had a relationship with this brother.
So we are missing most of the real story here and could only guess at the reasons this happened.

Short of contacting APS and an elder law attorney in your area I cannot think of anything you can do about this. Apparently the boyfriend and your brother are in agreement on this.

I wish you luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

We seem to have seen a lot of these types of posts lately. Poster claims he or she was the primary caregiver, and spent the most time with parent, when all of a sudden a distant sibling steps in and takes control of parent and the original poster is left on the outs.

Something is not right here. Why, if you were the one closest to mom, did You not have POA, and why or how did your siblings have it?

This should serve as an example for all. If you want to live with parents before they become feeble or are the primary caregiver, make sure you get POA and not one of your siblings who visits twice a year and on holidays. If you can’t convince parents to sign over POA to you, and instead one of your siblings has POA, be aware that you will be in a very vulnerable and precarious situation.
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Reply to mstrbill
Jada824 Apr 14, 2024
Sometimes the parent gives POA to the oldest child or the son which happens quite often.

A POA who acts like this is certainly not looking out for the best interest of the parent

An elderly infirm parent can easily be swayed to believe the unscrupulous POA & follow his instructions
Connect with your state's Department of Aging to find out what your options are. You may need to get an attorney specializing in elder law. If you fight this, it can get ugly with your brother - are you prepared for this?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to NancyIS

get an elder lawyer!!
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Reply to AngieGuido74

Yes this is elder abuse. You can contact your local Adult Protective Services and they will investigate your mother's situation. They are holding her prisoner in her own home. From there the court will figure it out. You can also get your own Family Services Attorney to assist you also. It's not only illegal, it's also criminal. There can be criminal charges.
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Reply to AngelaWhite

This has been happening for perhaps years, if not decades (the dynamics / relationship with you and your brother).

You need to take responsibility for 'allowing' it without - perhaps - intervening before now. While water under the bridge, why haven't you asserted yourself and your 'rights' sooner - over the years? Are you intimidated by your brother? Something is going on inside you that you need to admit / address; there is likely a lot of history that you are not sharing with us. You don't have to although you have to admit it to yourself.

As things are now, the only recourse I see is you getting an attorney.
I am not sure why you ask us "What can I do legally to allow me to visit ...)
I do not know or understand why you haven't enlisted an attorney yet.

It seems like you need to assess how you feel about your brother and the relationship you've had for perhaps decades. It has everything to do with why you've waited this long to address the need / issue. You need to have a conversation with your brother although I would recommend you contact an attorney first.

Gena / Touch Matters
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TouchMatters
PolarBear70 Apr 13, 2024
I agree with your response because you were not just talking to her but somehow your words were ment for me to come across tonight as well, THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY!
Someone with POA (either kind) does not get to override the principal (your mom) if they are competent. What does your mom have to say about this? I agree with the other posters that it seems inexplicable from the facts given that you are not POA.

Separate from this issue with the brother, if she is competent she gets to decide who visits her own property regardless of any POA. If tge is competent and the boyfriend won’t let you talk to her or even have her come on the phone to say what she wants, you could conceivably have a basis for calling APS….if you have belief she is in danger or being held prisoner (which is more than just hearing that she doesn’t want to see you).
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Reply to Rumbletown

This happens quite a bit, especially when money is involved or the potential of the money, and it matters not, if you are family to these types of people. Actually, I see a few things here. First of all, is your mom still coherent and cognitively intact? In other words, does she still have a voice and making rational decisions on her own? If this is the case, she can revoke the POA and have a new one put in place and/or request a Guardian. If she is not cognitively intact then you can file for Guardianship. In order to file for Guardianship her doctor will need to deem her incompetent and in need of a Guardian, of Estate and Person. A Guardian trumps anything else in place so the POA would be null and void at that point. I'd also contact an elder law attorney and consult for the state your in as some laws differ here and there.

Good Luck!
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Reply to SammiT

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