I’m not sure if I even have a question . My dad has dementia and Parkinson’s. He has been living with us for 5 years .

Why do you think the current arrangement is good for either of you? You’re exhausted and he’s lying in pee, nobody is in a good place. It’s okay to admit when something isn’t working and not sustainable. Imagine him safe and professionally cared for and you changing to being his advocate and non exhausted adult child. I wish you both that reality

If you want dad to live with you, and he wants to continue living with you, then boundaries w/o guilt need to be drawn. Like dad wears a Depends Overnight to bed, without exception, with a Medline Ultrasorb pad underneath him (available on Amazon). If he's disagreeable to that new rule, he goes into Memory Care Assisted Living w/o guilt because, in reality, it takes a team of caregivers working in shifts to tend to the needs of dementia patients. Plus, he'll have lots of activities, 3 hot meals a day, and more importantly, other adult companionship every day.

Best of luck.

You need to place him
in order to get him the care he needs. He’s much better off in the care of professionals. Why beat yourself up when you’re clearly doing what’s best for HIM? You can visit him often and spend your time enjoying whatever time he has left rather than gritting your teeth and crying in the closet where you hope he won’t hear you.

Candy you don't have to keep doing this, you have gone above and beyond, you should have no guilt , it's time for you to take care of you and your family, good luck to you!!

I think perhaps it is running with the full moon or something, this guilt thing, because it seems in the last two days and more I have answered so many.

First of all, the words we tell ourselves have incredible power over us. They get somehow engraved into our brains.
I would encourage you to change out your G-words.

Guilt is something that evil people often fail to feel for their wrongdoing, because they are--well--evil. They enjoy doing wrong and hurting people. They take delight in causing pain.
I doubt that is you.
Guilt infers RESPONSIBILITY, meaning you CAUSED this.
You didn't cause your elder's failure, did you?
GRIEF is the correct G-word. You are standing witness to pain and loss and you cannot fix it. It is ruining your own life as your elder sinks into it, and you cannot stop that loss either. So it is ALL GRIEF. This is well WORTH grieving over. BUT throwing your own life on to the funeral pyre of your elder and burning it to ashes won't help your elder, and it will waste your one life.

You are not god. It is a kind of hubris to think you are the "answer" to this.
You are not a Saint, and it's a bad job description.
You are a human being with limitations. Please embrace them. Be honest with your loved one that you cannot go on, and then mourn that together with him. Allow yourself to spill the tears that you deserve in this sadness.

I am sorry, but you do truly know that I am right.
This is a choice no one can make for you. It's one you must make and must own like the grownup that you now are. And the pain will be deep. There is no way around that. The path is through it.
Again, I am so sorry.