How can I tell if I'm doing the best for mom. I have 3 brothers that have never gotten involved before now who want her in a home.

Stella129, I can understand why you wish to keep your Mom at home. You can only do what you think is best for Mom's care. Read everything you can about whatever health issues you Mom may have.

The time you know when you are not doing your best is when everything becomes overwhelming, and you crash and burn from the stress. That is probably why your brothers feel that Mom condition warrants a village to take of her, and your brothers don't want to see you ruin your health. About 40% of caregivers die leaving behind their love ones, those are not good odds.

Be grateful that your brothers are thinking this way. Too many times siblings are totally against more professional care elsewhere, leaving that one sibling to do all the heavy lifting [caring for that love one] 168 hours per week.

One thing to consider, would your Mom be able to budget for, let's say Assisted Living? Check around your community to see what is the average price. Some places may have a higher monthly price but it includes everything.... those places with lower prices may have an ala carte menu of care.

Your Mom may like being around people of her own generation. My Dad really loved where he lived, and wished he would have moved there years earlier. All these new ears to hear all of this stories, and at 94 years old, he had a lot of stories :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to freqflyer

Once someone is "in a home" it will be a challenge to get them out. What issues, if any does mom have? What are the financial implications? Can brothers who want to make this decision afford her care? Are there other resources they are after, like sale of a mom's home? Do they fully understand the legal implications, i.e. that the home, if in mom's name, assuming she has a home, will be an asset the nursing home will take before she goes on medicaid? And most importantly, what's up with mom? Is she competent? Does she have dementia or other issues? Is she able to convey what SHE wants? Who is POA, if anyone? Do you need to consult with a elder law attorney to protect yourself as well as mom? Are you up to the challenges? I am an advocate for people remaining at home as long as possible; there are also usually many resources that can be brought in to help you and mom. Contact your local area agency on aging.
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Reply to gdaughter

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