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You said there is no money for a nursing home, but in-home care will be very expensive too, and probably less safe. As you wrote in your reply below, she won't listen to family, so she would not listen to strangers either, no matter how kind.

In my area in-home care through an agency, which takes care of taxes, etc., is around $35 an hour, plus overtime in some cases. That is for basic companion type care, little to no nursing care.

I suggest meeting with a senior care manager, who can evaluate with you how to get her into a facility that can meet her needs and give you and your husband you lives back.
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Reply to MG8522
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We are not an employment agency just a forum of caregivers.

I live in NJ, in the SW. Its going to be cheaper down here than in the North. More expensive near the cities than suburbs. You have to give the person at least minimum wage, which is $15.00 an hr now. You are going to need to take out payroll taxes and see they get to the correct agency. Your going to need to match the SS. You can't work this person more than 40 hrs a week. They are entitled to time off.

I suggest you call your local Labor board to see what your responsibilities are to a live-in employee if u go private. There should be agencies near you to get quotes. Hiring an agency means they do the payroll.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The cost will be enormous.
You need to know for YOUR own area the cost--and for your OWN situation.
So, it ends all yours and on your plate. Exloration will soon have you adding up columns with your pencil.

Let me give you an example. A friend died two years ago. Pain took her to hospital where it was found she was riddled with cancer, with little thought that any treatment would help.
She chose hospice. But had no family. She went home alone which was only allowed because she had a friend who hired two caregivers (both illegals in this country, by the way, or she would have paid much more) for 20.00 an hour.
The caregivers worked dedicated for months, and were absolute angels. They worked in 12 hour shifts. They cooked, cleaned, cared for N. with NO TIME OFF. They did all the shopping, and ordering in of food.
Those are the facts, legal or not.
Hospice was good for two bedbaths per week, one RN for about 30" once a week, medications, hospital bed and commode chair, call from clergy and a call from a Social Worker who knew nothing about anything.
Now you get to the 20.00 an hour for 24 hours per day.
You can figure that out easily. Pencil to paper and you have your answer as to what it cost

And this would be MINIMAL and it would be done, yup, under the table, around the table and behind the table--any which way. And that, along with the help of two friends who had years ago worked with her, is how she bought her death. Figure it out for two months, pencil in hand. You can see what it is.

Now, also, figure out--let us say-- doing it the legal way. Or through an agency. You are looking at double the cost my friend paid. And at the fact that workers today just often do not show up. With cause or without.

Only the family involved can figure this out for their own area, their own person in need of care and there are a million factors, all as individual as your mom's own fingerprint.

I wish you the very best of luck, but this is something you have to research. I can only wish you best of luck. We here get questions every day. But few come back as I just did about N.'s hospice situation, to say "This is how I did it" and "This is what it cost". We would love it if you have the will and strength after all you are going through to do just that.

I can only wish you good luck. Really, the best of luck. I once believed in a "right way" and a "wrong way" and now I believe in any which way you can. My heart goes out to you. This is such tough stuff, and the learning curve isn't so much a curve as a cliff you fall right off of, kicking and screaming. We all know how hard it is to save money, and my friend's savings, even THOUGH her care was "cheap" for our times, hemorrhaged her money out in a way I simply couldn't believe (to say nothing of the hardship in accessing her tied up funds).

I truly wish you the very best and would love if you include us with updates on this journey of learning all you never wanted to know. That's how I describe the time I came here six years ago, having been dropped into being POA/Trustee for my bro. Lean curve more a leap off a cliff.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Tikesho13 Feb 3, 2025
I appreciate You taking the time to read and respond..I am at my Wit's End with my Mother. She won't do what we all tell her to do, to keep safe, and avoid the Falls. She listens to NONE of us-Me, my Husband (we live in with her), my Brother, Cousin, NONE of us. Gets up on her own, without us knowing, gets to her Walker and falls over. This is starting to take its toll on my mental as well as physical health. It's like she does it all for attention. We can't leave her alone at ANY given time, without ONE of us having to be in the same room with her. She can't afford Nursing Home Care (has very little money). Rhis "arrangement" of us living in with her, is no longer working...My husband and I have NO LIFE... :(
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