I guess I know the answer but could use some "been there" input.


My husband is 88, I am 66. I am his full time caregiver, with limited relief from his 2 daughters. He has been diagnosed with vascular dementia, has some mobility issues, (uses a walker) and functions pretty well, generally, although easily disoriented and confused. Today I got a call that I needed to get a second mammogram, with more detail, and of course I am a bit worried. His response was totally self-absorbed and all about how depressed he was. No real support at all, no empathy, rather dismissive of my concerns. He was always a thoughtful considerate guy, and this is heartbreaking. Is this normal?? How to cope without feeling so hurt?? Thanks...



"Nana, sometimes some men feel it is a "woman's health issue" and they have no understanding what is going on, nor do they want to know."

You would think the boys would be all over squishing boobies for science...
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to OneLastStraw

Nana, sometimes some men feel it is a "woman's health issue" and they have no understanding what is going on, nor do they want to know.

I went through that with my sig other who didn't have dementia, he pretty much ran and hid emotionally, and told me point blank that prostate issues were much worse :P
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to freqflyer

Nana I'm so sorry your husband isn't being supportive right now! Is there anyone else you can turn to who you can talk with about your mammogram worries? It's important to have people we can share these sorts of things with, I hope you have someone else 'in your corner' so to speak.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to OneLastStraw

Scared and hurt. Two very upsetting emotions. Don’t freak over the mammo. I have lumpy breasts and I’ve had to go back for repeats, too. Hubby may have had a gut reaction and said the first thing that came to his mind. He may also be scared for you, but as a man, he’s not going to admit his fears. The old “blow it off and it will disappear” thing. But I can tell you that when my mom had dementia, it was ALL about her, even more so than usual. I lost 2 much loved dogs within 6 weeks of each other and when I told her, she had absolutely no reaction. Grrrr!

Don’t deny your feelings of hurt, but don’t dwell on them. If Hubby says he’s depressed, say, “I am, too!”
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Ahmijoy