Some days she seems like normal mom, other days like today she was crying saying she basically wished she’d had her tubes tied. Before she had me. She is in a nursing facility as she has vascular dementia but still gets around when she makes herself with a walker.

Long story short she is depressed says she hates it there and wishes she’d die. Says she doesn’t understand why my dad is 6 ft below and other men are not. She even had no sympathy for a 34 yr old man who died needing an organ said she didn’t care and good for him.

She thinks she can live on her own as she says she needs no help then gets mad if an aide doesn’t come the minute she pages. I try to go in with a smile on my face, take her out and pray she doesn’t fall like she did @ Walmart. Says she doesn’t hate me but that she should be able to live with my sister who has a large house although she needs 24 hour care.

She’s become selfish and uncaring, spiteful and will tell lies when it suits her and now is trying to boss me and be more demanding than she was when she lived with me. I leave there feeling more down than when I went. She doesn’t accept her situation even after being there almost a year. Looks like they’ll be changing her meds or possibly another trip to the psych ward as she threatens to blow her brains out if she had a gun and said she was gonna get the social worker who sent her there.

She will talk about other people there having dementia but not herself when I take her out she constantly tells me how she dreads going back there instead of enjoying being out while she can still get around to get out. My sister never gets any of this stuff from my mom mom says she doesn’t say anything to her because she always has one of “them” grandkids (her great grand children) with her which she doesn’t...sorry to rant...just a trying day. Hate seeing my mom crying and unhappy I call her Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde...I’m beginning to think my being bi polar and my sister having ocd comes from her...thanks for listening.

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She has Dementia. They have no filter. What runs thru their mind comes out the mouth. She may never be happy. A man I knew was the sweetest guy. He hated the NH he was in but his wife could no longer care for him. His youngest had to work and the other 3 kids lived in other states the closest, VA. He lived in NJ. He told his childhood friend, who was a minister, just shoot me. You will get blamed for everything, just how it goes. Don't take it personally. And believe me, its hard not to.
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Dear Byathread,

I hear you. It is a struggle to see our parents get to this point. I know how hard it is. With my own father I really do believe that medications played a role in his behaviour. Also his diet, high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, heart issues, depression. I wish there was a magic pill.

After his stroke, he told me he was better off dead. I tried so hard to make things right for him. But sometimes the answer felt so elusive.

Good of you to advocate for your mom. I hope seeing the psychiatrist will help.
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Thank You FrazzledMama...Mom has been evaluated and is on meds..was actually sent to behavioral unit for med adjustment/acting out..she sees a physicarist ever couple weeks to c how she’s doing...I’m afraid she’ll end up taking another trip to that unit before they get her meds adjusted..she reminds me of a child that throws a tantrum and pouts if she doesn’t have her’s really sad....guess it’s a part of the progression of the disease.. 😢
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Has she had a psychiatric evaluation? Someone on here suggested a geriatric psychiatrist for my mom, which I think might be a good idea.  

A geriatric one would probably be more familiar with the mental health challenges faced by someone with dementia. Maybe there are different meds they could try that could help her.

My mom is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and has the delusions and paranoia, but possibly a neurological issue as well that they're still trying to figure out.

Hugs to you. I know it is awfully hard to see your parent upset and depressed, and acting out. This forum has been a lifesaver for me as far as having a place to get feelings out to others who "get it." Keep coming back here and let us know how you're doing.
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