Hi.. I'm a 38-year old guy spending my 1-month leave with my father (76) and mother (73) in my hometown. My mom has dementia. In general, she's really calm, but sometimes she isn't so, especially if in the presence of strangers or people she no longer remembers well enough.
A cousin of my father came a few hours ago to pay a short visit. The three of us were sitting on one couch - father, mother in the middle, me close to her. For 30 min mother was calm, sometimes saying things l could hardly get to me, while I was accordingly confirming and adapting my brief responses.
Within a fraction of 1 min or less I went to the other room to take something for her and back, to notice that she had sat close to the cousin on the couch next to ours feeling rather agitated and talking about something we couldn't understand. I let out a brief laugh out of bafflement, while starting to calm mother down. My cousin told me not to laugh, as that is due to the condition. "I know", I replied, "but I am laughing at my father, who, in being loud and a chatterbox, must have worked the mother up." I also added that mother doesn't like being around highly passionate and loud talkers. He responded confirming that my father can be really so.
No further words uttered among us, I managed to calm mom within a minute, while both the cousin and father went out at the same time. However, I'm still feeling embarrassed at the "incident" that happened between the cousin and me, as if I gave him the impression that I'm an irresponsible caregiver, even though I am the exclusive caregiver for her here, while also taking care of father in many ways. Am I overthinking this ? Thanks.
If it comes up again I would tell him that you have learned to laugh at the situation because you were tired of crying all the time.
Laughing at a situation is not the same as laughing at a person. Some people have never learned to laugh and that is the saddest thing ever.
P.S. My father just told me that once l left the room, mother walked up to the cousin and shook hands with him, and immediately acted agitated, as l mentioned in the original post..
However, you're right about the cousin's sensitivity as an outsider, plus considering the fact that he's a 82-year old widower.
On a separate note I should add that I am patient enough with mom, and we enjoy each other's company a lot..