I take care of my 86 year old mother during the week. Goes to brother and SIL weekends. I wanted to take a bit more time at home, so I researched medical alert devices and in home caregivers. A friend has one for her 90 something year old parents and provided a referral (no covid so far, very careful).
I mentioned this to my mom and she seemed fine with it. I sent brother and SIL an email with the details. Here's the response I received:
I talked with Mom...
The reason Mom stopped in home help was due to covid, and that hasn't changed for her. Mom is wary of being exposed. So Mom doesn't want in home help at this point.
Mom also doesn't think she needs a medical alert device, and she asked, "who pays for it?" Send me the info on what company, etc. you were considering so I can tell her about the cost, commitment, etc. I don't want cost to control over safety, so maybe I'll pay for it. The issue also is whether she'll wear it.
Mom says she doesn't want you to stick around because you think you need to double as her caretaker during the week. She gets anxious about leaving her house vacant half the time and would just rent it out and live with us. We'll see how this unfolds ... or doesn't.
My first reading I was angry and wrote an ugly retort. I decided to sleep on it.
My mother didn't say a word to me about any of this, but she has my brother do it. She also has the money - but doesn't want to pay anything. This nonsense that he doesn't know her finances is a lie. I've seen proof.
I plan to just tell him (and my mother) that I will leave and not return (in a nonconfrontational way - mostly that I understand her fear, since my own home is vacant half the week. I am put off by this and feel unappreciated. Thoughts? We don't communicate but for my mother. He and my mother are very much alike. He does not have a relationship with his adult children or nieces and nephews.