Though we have never lived "high on the hog" and my husband made good money, and mine was so-so. We mis-managed our resources severely over our 34 years together, (second marriage for both). The details do not matter here, other than he believed in maxing out credit cards and then getting another lower interest rate to pay that one off and do it all over again. Now he has severe dementia and I am left with trying to manage a mountain of debt. Yet even now his daily complaints are how I am spending "his" money, demanding to see bank statements, etc. I have turned 8 credit cards over to a debt counseling program and cut up the cards. That is helping, but we still have revolving cards which now I have had to use to pay for things like car and household repairs and sometimes food. I was forced to make a decision to sell our home and now we are preparing to move. That will save us the HOA expense and the rent is lower than our mortgage. I know that the move, once we are in the midst of it, will be very hard on him, but it has been overwhelming for me to manage everything. I signed all documents as his POA, and found our apartment.
Frankly I feel like I am a single mom trying to raise a severely handicapped person, but am dumbfounded that he is so concerned about his money, but cannot remember whether he smoked a cigarette five minutes ago, or that his daughter was here this afternoon. Every day I read posts that give advise like "find a daycare" $75 for a minimum of 4 hours - "you need to use more respite care, especially at night" - $24-35/hour - get out of the house and go for a walk - he cannot be left alone for five minutes - falls, smokes in the house, cigarette burns, or cigarettes left burning - will pee in the yard - on and on - go to a support group - again, a cost of $75. I have received 2 $1000 grants, sounds like a lot, right? At 2-4 hours per respite visit -well you do the math, and the even the Alzheimer's Grant is a one time only. Mine runs out in September - oh and here's the best one yet - "insist that his children help out". He has three and I have three, but there is inky one who offers her time - three hours 2x a month -as long as I can watch her two dogs she will take dad to the home improvement store for 45 minutes. I know this is a rant and part of it is our own fault, but knowing that only makes this harder. Even the money from the sale of the house, (3 years of equity), will not help as I try to get him approved for medi-cal, as I have to divest most of it and use a lot to get into the apartment. So please, when giving advice, please keep in mind that there is a big percentage of us who would love to hire respite care and house cleaners and gardeners and such, but cannot.