How to judge when too much help enables one to NOT try and remember versus Not helping???

I work as a front desk receptionist in a Memory Care community. We have lots of family members, sons especially for some reason, who refuse to understand the limits of dementia and what the disease actually means in terms of what their loved one can and cannot do. One man in particular refused to believe his mother was in an advanced stage of dementia where she was no longer able to speak, and insisted that we could 'cure' her by doing certain exercises with her. Of course, there is no 'cure' for dementia or Alzheimer's, and lots of exercises such as reading and crossword puzzles are no longer doable by the sufferer.

Anyway, he instructed us that we were to ask the Physical Therapist and Occupational Therapist to teach his mother sign language so she'd be able to communicate! We were flabbergasted, to say the least. Had his mother been able to communicate, she'd use the language skills she'd developed over the last 7 decades of her life.

The son wound up moving his mother to another Memory Care community after he was told that his mother would definitely not be capable of learning sign language, or anything else 'new' for that matter.

I don't know what situation you are facing with your 'patient', but if it's dementia/Alzheimer's or a related brain disease, you need to do some reading up on the subject to fully understand what a person is capable of and what they are not.

One of the things lots of them hate MOST is bathing and grooming in general, just as a for instance. We have one lady here who hasn't showered in at least a month. The mere mention of bathing sets her off into an agitated state where she's yelling & cussing.

Wishing you the best of luck in learning what you and your patient are facing.

I think you used the key words: Memory Loss! If this is dementia, you may as well educate yourself on the subject and realize a person with dementia can't remember a lot of things, including not being able to clean or self groom or do a thing about caring for her mind. You are dealing with a dying brain. It doesn't get better. I certainly hope if you are a health care worker or even the caretaker that you find some compassion.

Steve,
The patient cannot remember? And you want her to take notes?

Will you be finding the notepad, the pen, her glasses, and reminding her what to write?

Posting it for her on the fridge, and assisting her to ambulate to the fridge to read it? Oops, did you remember to bring her glasses?

What do you see as your role in helping the patient get better?

Maybe if you agree with the patient-if she needs help, she will ask you?

Or, you can ask a series of questions meant to help her recall?

Or, you can do step one, and observe while she follows through, step 2 through 6 maybe?

Some others on here can refer you to AgingCare articles, or videos by Teepa Snow on the techniques of a caregiver.

Good question though. None of us want to become enablers and help so much that the patient becomes too dependent. Know your patient.

Steve, you have not completed your profile. But if you are dealing with a person with Dementia, they will not remember to look at notes or check lists.

My Mum does not have dementia, but knows she is on occasion forgetful. She writes everything down on her calendar and she remembers to check it each morning and each evening. If I call her about a date, she will say, let me check the calendar. But she has the cognitive ability to know that she needs to check.

Playing games, Soduko, cross words, board and card games can help to exercise a mind, but only if the person still has the ability to do these things.

Also getting fixated on a specific task that is not truly important while ignoring other tasks is a common sign of dementia.