There is the immediate implication or reminder that she is no longer in charge of the household and no longer capable of taking care of the home. If the helper is to be a companion to give the caregiver some free time for an appointment or errand, then how do you explain this otherwise useless stranger?
my grandmother eventually thought that the woman who shared the room with her in the memory care centre was her domestic assistant 🤔 My point being go with the flow and describe the situation the best way the person who needs care would like to hear it - if that makes sense.
Good Luck!❤️
We interviewed a very nice young lady. I could tell aunt had her apprehensions. All during the interview, she kept kicking me under the chair as if in disbelief thinking am I really going through with this? I ignored her and we brought her in.
I felt she was working out, but aunt kept complaining she had no use for her, didn't have much for her to do and didn't see a need for her. Next thing I knew, cousin who lives near aunt discharged her.
When I put my foot down that I would not be running back and forth out of state whenever they (aunt and cousins) wanted or worse, moving down there to take care of aunt, cousin broke down and brought in new help to aunt.
They don't like it, but it's what they need and what you need, too, or you'll go crazy and burn out. Have to make them understand that it's not going to be you doing all of the care.
It doesn't pay to attempt to get around the truth because often the elder UNDERSTANDS that it is the truth. Just my opinion. My brother had Lewy's dementia. In all the time he lived with it he was in earlier stages and we were ALWAYS honest. He said to me once "I am not glad to have what I have, but I am glad to be told about it so I can know why my world is now so different. I have fear about the future but I'm glad to know the truth".
I was an RN lifelong. Never lied to my patients. I simply believe it complicates things at the same time it robs them of the last of their dignity.
Don't expect a happy response. Life is now not about "happy" but about managing the best that can be done. You are attempting to keep the one you love content and at home.
Several months later she called me and said they were ready to have some help. I flew down there and interviewed several candidates from the agency. The first 2 weren't good fits but then we came upon Barbara "Angel" who was just awesome (same Italian from the Bronx background, same political views... just a sweetheart). She was there 5 days a week for 5-ish hrs per day. Took them on errands, did light housekeeping, played board games, made lunch for them, chit chatted. For 6 straight years then she retired. She came to both of their funerals. Just a gem. Worth all the effort for my Aunts and my peace of mind.
All that to say working to find the right person is very worth it -- this is what will help your LO to accept the aid. Definitely someone experienced or has common sense. Barbara Angel had taken care of her MIL and own Mother, so she had real-world experience with dementia.
And this "helper" should not be "useless" but should help do things around your house while you are out and about like laundry, cleaning and even a little cooking, or whatever else you need help with.
Best wishes in getting the help you now need so you can out for some much needed breaks.