We live with my mom in my family home. All the tubbed/shower bathrooms are upstairs and she refuses to let me utilize a disabled shower in the kitchen. She says it’s too cold and she is too modest to stand naked in her kitchen to shower. We have a half bath downstairs where she can use a washcloth but she says it hurts too much to stand for long periods so she only washes her hair when I take her to the beauty parlor and rarely washes herself. I’ve offered to take her shower chair to my sister’s house where they have a basement bathroom with a shower. But she won’t do that either says she is afraid she’ll fall. Basically it’s been nearly two months since she bathed herself and she smells terrible. I don’t know how to say it to her without hurting feelings or upsetting things. There is nothing wrong with her physical cognitive abilities other than her still grieving over my dad’s unexpected passing in 2016 and her own declining physical health. Any suggestions?
Sometimes getting outside help works as they can be firm and not capitulate to mom's refusals.
If she really will not use the portable in the kitchen (turn the heat up until showering is done, be firm, trying all the tricks and helpful comments, etc doesn't work), is it possible to replace the sink/vanity in the half bath with a shower? It could be used for hand-washing as well, after toileting, or the kitchen sink could be used as well. That way she would still have a toilet, would have a smaller contained area for private showering and it would not be too difficult to restore the sink/vanity later.
That said, it really does sound more like excuses, excuses, excuses - I would personally lean on the semi-threat of infection/hospital/nursing home. If nothing else, how embarrassed might she be if she has to go to a doctor, ER or stay in the hospital for something else and have strangers be aware of her uncleanliness and odor (I would not hesitate to tell her she smells!!!)?
The bathroom had a wall heater that we used and we would turn on the house heater before we started even in summer so he never got cold.
My sister was disabled and not able to use a shower. We were able to wash her hair using a shampoo funnel that we bought at Sally's Beauty Supply. We had a hose sprayer that would fit over the bathroom sink faucet. My sister would be in her wheelchair and have her back to the sink.