How to handle separation when both have Alzheimer's and one worse than the other?


My dad doesn't understand why he can't live with his girlfriend. They are in same Assisted living but now in different rooms. When he sees her with her private caregiver he thinks she is hurting her and gets aggressive and slapped her. Don't want to move him to another facility but they are saying he must have a caregiver (which he can't afford). The only issue is when he sees his girlfriend and they try to put her to bed or take her away from him (she doesn't talk, walk, dress, or eat without help). My dad has cognitive problems but can walk, talk, eat, dress, etc by himself.
Has anyone gone through this and what did you do? The facility doesn't seem to know what to do.
Thank you

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They are not set up for one on one care, so they want you to supplement with a private caregiver. Really tough situation, sounds like dad has more love left in him than judgement to understand the situation.

PS is correct, if this is not resolved, they will likely ask you to move him.

You are at a fork in the road, you arrived there when the girlfriend declined to needing a private caretaker. If dad is moved he may decline, he may not. Dad may just decline from missing his interaction with his gal. Sad but true, just show him love, and brace yourself......he may rebound!

Best of luck!
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Thank you. The problem is he follows the, to her room and then gets mad and the facility is not bringing a caregiver to distract him. I feel there are things they should be doing. If I do hire a private caregiver. I don't know when. If they gave me more info like timing of when they will put her to bed, etc.
I would like to move him but am afraid the move will be hard on him. My friend just moved her Dad and he died within 3 weeks of the move.
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I would suggest they meet only in a neutral space and not in the rooms. You father is falling back on territorial male behavior, but cannot limit the instinctive response. If that does not work, the facility will ask you to move him, for safety reasons, to a more secure facility. They are giving him one last chance by asking for the one-on-one aide. The next step will be out the door.
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