I am about done with this parent caregiving. How do you do it?

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It is grating and mom won't allow anyone else in. I need some personal time. I need to work on my duplex and make it available to me when she is gone and when I leave and she has a fainting spell or 'tia' I'm not there, nor anyone else. I am angry and we are stuck in our ways.

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Hi Calvin, it sounds as if you are really close to having a 'caregiver' meltdown, I think we've all been there! You need help ASAP! If that means hiring an aide to help you (if you afford this) then just do it! Mom will just have to cope with this....or maybe she does need to go into assisted living/memory care/nursing home. Because if you can no longer do this without injuring your (both physical and/or mental ) health you will not be able to care for her at all. Please take care of yourself first, then your mom. Too often a caregiver will extend themselves so much for the one they're caring for that they become ill and in some cases die before their loved one does. Please be good to yourself, even a little selfish is good for you. Blessings to you, Lindaz.
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I would tell her that either someone will be hired to help, and that she cooperates and acts nice to them, or that she will have to go to a nursing home. (My parents would gladly put up with a home worker rather than go to a center.) Also get her one of those call buttons to wear around her neck - if that will make her feel more secure. If she won't agree that you need time for yourself, then she will need to go to a nursing facility.
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Dementia patients are not capable of learning anymore. Trying to "teach" a person with dementia anything is beating your head against the wall. Their brains are hardening up and growing holes in a lot of cases. It's not like a little kid who can learn if you repeat it enough.

Full time caregiving is not possible alone. If it was, nursing homes wouldn't have to hire so many people to do the job, or have them work in shifts.

Your mind and body are saying you need help, so you better listen.

Nobody likes the idea of moving their loved one into care, but it is absolutely necessary in many cases. Especially for those of us who work and have a person with advanced dementia.

Dementia does not heal or go into remission. It only gets worse and worse and worse until death. If this current stage is killing you, I'm sorry to say it only gets worse.

I hope you can find somewhere for your loved ones.
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I didnt' listen to my grandma and had someone there. At first we told her that she didn't have to interact with them and that they were only there to make sure she took her pills and ate her food and they were 'maids' to my mom and myself as we couldn't keep up while working. Gradually she got used to the lady we had and started to happily eat lunch with her on the days she came and they would chatter up a storm. Then she got hurt and she let the lady help her get dressed and give her baths. It was a gradual process but luckily Diane who we had at the time was amazing with her and really was patient not pushing her boundaries. Now since I'm alone in my care with her, I am lucky enough to have her not complain when her caregiver arrives. She always greets me when I return with a huge smile and her asking if I'm going to leave again for the day but she doesn't complain when I do.

I too am wondering if the fainting spells are legit. If they are legit then perhaps she gets herself so worked up her blood pressure goes up so when she stands it drops and she faints. If it's faked then perhaps she just needs to learn it's not going to gain her anything to pretend to faint and that if she didn't do that, you might be more happy to be near her by her side. No idea how sick your mom is but you might be able to bribe her. Sometimes with my grandma I can bribe her with a snack or a fire in the fire place or a heater in the bathroom to get her to do the things she needs to have done. When she's offered a snack and a warm heater in the bathroom, she perks up and looks forward to that going off happily with the caregiver for her bath. When she's told the fire will be on in the fireplace in the living room she happily moves from the bedroom to the living room with a smile. She has dementia though so might be different for someone who isn't at the bribing stage.
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Are fainting spells being faked? Can you get her transported to the ER and admitted for a psych eval? Then move her to a nursing home, refuse to take her back.
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